I could fall asleep and stare in your eyes." "What do you mean, 'my'?" I asked. "I mean, I don't know," she whispered, running her hand along my arm. "I don't know how you feel or what you want. All I know is that when I wake up next to you, I know you have to be a friend. And, for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm enough. You can't say that to me. You can't say that to anyone. You're not a friend. You're not someone I can count on." The room felt too small. I stood up quickly. "I'll call you," I said, and started walking back down the hall to my room. "Just a minute," she called after me. "Is this about what happened with your sister?" "What? No. Why would it be? Nothing happened. It's just...It's a long story." "It's okay," she said. "I can wait." I didn't know what to do. Did she want more? And, how would I know? Did I want more, either? "Do you still need that ride?" she asked. "I can take you." "No, I'll be fine." I looked down at the floor and then back up at her. "Good night," I said. "Well, I guess that's the end of that," she said. "I hope we never see each other again. Your room key is on the desk. I'll see you in the morning." She stepped back out into the hall and shut the door to her room. I lay down and pulled my pillow over my head. "Well, well, well," I said into my pillow. "Welcome to my life." I lay that way for so long that I fell asleep again. As I drifted off, I heard her light a candle and blow it out. # _Chapter 22_ We didn't go out again on Friday night. My mother left early to go to the hospital for her night shift. "So you'll be all by yourself," she said. "There's a great new movie out. You can watch it at home." I almost asked her to stop at Blockbuster, but I had a feeling that she was enjoying it. If she were going, I probably would have ended up getting stuck with some documentary on the rain forests, instead. "You sure you don't want me to go with you?" Aaron asked after she left. "No," I said. "I'll be fine." "I can stay here with you." "No, really, Aaron. I'll be okay." "You promise?" I nodded. "I promise." I took a shower and put on the new lip gloss my mother had given me. I tried not to think about where I might have gotten it, since it wasn't from Walgreens. After all, I was already in enough trouble with her for running around with Aaron. When I walked into my room, I found an extra blanket on the bed. "Thank you," I whispered to the air. "Thank you for not dumping me on the sidewalk." I curled up on the bed and closed my eyes. When I opened them again, Aaron was standing in front of me. "I'm ready," I said. "Do you need help getting out?" He didn't answer. "Look, I'll just walk to your car and see you later. This is crazy. We'll talk about it tomorrow." He didn't say anything. "Aaron?" "Will you help me with my tie?" he asked, motioning to the white dress shirt he was holding out in front of him. "I don't want it to look crooked." I walked over and held the front of the shirt still for him. He had gone out a little and shaved his mustache and beard. But still, the difference between him and everyone else in the room was obvious. He was so handsome. My heart pounded as he stood in front of me, looking up at me with those blue eyes. "Did I look okay?" he asked. "Yes." "What do you mean?" "I mean you look fine." He lifted his eyebrows. "You're not making any sense, you know." "Really," I said, leaning into him. "It looked like you." "You look great," he said. "Did you try the lip gloss?" "Yes," I said, not knowing why I was defending myself to him. "It's great." "Do you have a light?" "No, but it's late. I don't want to take my jacket off yet." "Come on," he said. "We've been waiting long enough." "Okay," I said, putting my hand in my pocket for my keys. "Do you want to drive?" "Let's go somewhere else," he said, stepping toward me. "No," I said. "I don't know. I don't even know where it is." "The same place we were last time. It won't matter if we get there later." "Okay." We walked out of the dorm and toward the car. Aaron put his arm around me. "Is this where you always have to have a friend?" he asked. I shrugged. "Sometimes." "Well, tonight I think it's you and me, baby." "I know," I said, feeling even more nervous than I did at school. It didn't seem possible that I was really doing this. "I mean, I want to." "I know you do. You think I'm stupid, right? Come on, you've got to be thinking that. It's okay. You don't have to say anything." He stopped and pulled me in closer. I could smell his cologne. "What is it with you?" he asked. "Why is everyone so afraid of sex with me? Is it because I'm going to get you pregnant?" He leaned in close and whispered in my ear, "But I wouldn't do that. Not with you." He stopped for a moment and let go of me, pulling his keys out of his pocket. He dropped them in his hand. Then he held the car keys out to me. "You can drive," he said. I took the keys. "Where are we going?" I asked, my heart thudding. "Surprise." I nodded. "Okay," I said. We walked around to the other side of the building and climbed into my mother's car. He slid behind the wheel and started the car up. "Where are we going?" I asked. "You'll see." "Can we just go to my house?" I asked. "I really want to go home." He smiled. "Do you want to do it in the car? We could, if you want." "I don't know," I said. "It's just a little bit of a walk. I think I'm going to be sore tomorrow." "I don't think I have to convince you of that. Just drive." He put the car in gear and drove off. I watched as he drove down one street after another. Every time I saw a house, I would ask him to turn. But he was taking a winding route to avoid the street where we lived. "I thought you wanted to be where no one could see us," I said. "Oh, they won't be," he said. "Nobody ever looks out their window. They think their house is the only one, and they never see anyone coming or going. Or if they do, they just think someone's drunk, or doing something wrong." "How do you know all this?" I asked. "I just do," he said. "But anyway, they all think we're going to the beach when we walk down the middle of the road and across the grass. They're all asleep at this hour, too." "You don't even care if they think we're doing something bad?" I asked. "No. They're not even watching." I shrugged. He turned down a quiet neighborhood with houses on either side of the road. "Here we are," he said. He drove past me, waving for me to come and get in. "Well?" I asked as he drove away. He smiled. "I told you I don't have to convince you." "How much money do you have?" "Is that what you're worried about? You're my girl, remember? I don't need a lot. I don't even have to pay for dinner." "That's not what I meant. I mean, if it was bad or something. If someone called the police and we were caught or something, what would you do?" "Maybe you don't understand that my connections help me out a lot more than yours do," he said. "Okay," I said. "What do you mean?" "You're going