This tip is all about feeling what the truth is. It's not about facts; it's about how you feel. It's also not about your situation right now. It's about all the times in your life. If you don't believe me, ask yourself, _How did I feel when I was a teenager?_ Or, _How do I feel when I do the things I used to do?_ Or, _How did I feel when I said yes to my boss when I didn't want to, only to end up stuck with a job I didn't want?_ In every situation, the answer is the same: regret! I'd like to share a story with you of a man named Andrew. A few years ago, he came to me and said, "Joe, I have a lot of regrets from my past. I look back at decisions I've made and wish I could change them. For example, I've always had a problem with a girl who broke my heart. I got stuck in her way for ten years." When I asked him more about this situation, he said, "I did this and this to this girl, but she still has a hold on me. She's never let go. Every time I see her, I say the wrong things to her and we end up getting into a fight. I've always looked back on these situations and wished I'd handled it better. I regret that I didn't act on my feelings. "My relationships with my parents and my friends are suffering because of the decisions I've made, but I don't know how to fix the situation or get past it. I'm just so angry that I can't forget this person." Then he told me a story that's similar to one I heard from the comedian Jerry Seinfeld, which he wrote about in his novel _Seinfeld_. Seinfeld was speaking of a guy who was dating a woman who made him miserable. He said the guy should leave the relationship because he was miserable. So, I told Andrew, "Andrew, when you look back at the decisions you've made, does it make you feel miserable?" He replied, "Yes." I asked him, "So you're staying in the relationship because of the decision you're making, even though you know you're miserable? Would you rather be in a relationship that doesn't make you feel miserable?" He said, "Yes." This is why people stay in relationships when they know they should walk away. They're making decisions from the middle out. They don't see the truth until the relationship is in serious trouble. The woman he was dating broke his heart. He was miserable with her; there were also times when she'd put him down. He had not looked at her and thought, _This is who I want to be with._ He said, "I love this girl, and I'm not going to leave her." But when he thought about her—like when he thought about all those little things she'd said and done, the way she'd treated him—he felt angry and resentful. So, I said, "Andrew, what if the truth were different? What if you looked at this girl and thought to yourself, _I don't want to be in a relationship with her anymore, because I'd rather be with someone else. She's not the kind of person I want to be with?_ " He said, "I can't imagine that." I said, "That's the truth. That's what she's doing to you right now. She's just causing you to be miserable." Sometimes it's hard to get past the past and look forward to the future. Andrew had to face the truth before he could be free of the relationship. So, I asked him, "Did you ask yourself this question, _How does she make me feel?_ " He replied, "Yes." I said, "If you truly don't like how she makes you feel, how do you feel about leaving her?" He said, "I'd feel fine." _It's hard to walk away from people and relationships that make us miserable._ If we leave, we risk more pain. We fear how we'll feel if we stay. It's not that people and relationships _should_ make us miserable; it's that when we feel bad, we are forced to face the truth about ourselves and what we deserve. We also start to see the truth about _not_ having the right person in our lives. We can't change how we feel about someone; we can only change how we react to them and our environment. As a result of what he'd told me, Andrew went to his ex-girlfriend, and the moment they were in the same room, he said, "I have to let you know that I'm not in love with you anymore. I don't feel happy with you, and I don't want to be with you." This must have felt to her like the greatest relief of her life, because as soon as she heard those words, she started crying. I don't know if it was about her or me, but she was upset. Then he asked if they could go out and see a movie. He said, "When you're in a relationship, you always have to be together. This is going to be the first time in ten years that we'll have a weekend all to ourselves, and I want to make it special." Once she realized that he'd given her freedom, she appreciated his comment. She said, "Can we go out?" He said, "Yes, we can." Now they're in a relationship together that makes him happy and helps them both move on with their lives. The relationship was a result of his decision to change his way of being. Most of us don't go to our girlfriends or our best friends when we're in pain or sad. We go to the people who keep us in bad relationships. They keep us in relationships that we know are bad, but we stay because of what we've become and how we think we can change. The truth is, there's no way to go back and not have the regrets and pain that come from a breakup. The fact is, if we'd left sooner, we would not have been stuck. When you walk away, you'll also say good-bye to any chance for the relationship to get better. You'll give up any hope that it can improve if you leave it. You have to believe that, if you leave, it will be the best decision you've ever made. # 2. HARD TRUTH NO. 6: ## LEARNING TO GIVE A few years ago, I was walking down the street in Santa Monica, and I was approached by a young man in a wheelchair. He had just gotten a settlement from the city that said he could legally ride his wheelchair in the sidewalk. He was so happy and excited to be walking, and when he saw my bald head and beard, he got out of his chair and asked me, "Are you one of my _barbers_?" I was actually thinking to myself, _This kid must not know how happy I am to be bald!_ I said, "Yes, I am one of your _barbers_." "Well," he replied, "you know that there's a saying that I have for bald people? The older I get, the shorter it gets." I said, "Do you want me to grow it even shorter?" He replied, "That would make me bald in a month." "I've been going bald for ten years." "Well, if you stop at ten, you're not going to grow any more." I asked him, "What would you do if you were bald?" He said, "I don't know." I replied, "Well, I do. I'd still make as much money as I do right now, or even more. I'd also be an actor, which I'm really enjoying, and I'd still do the things that make me happy and that bring me a sense of peace." He was smiling at me when he said, "Okay, okay, so you are going bald. That sucks." I told him, "It's not that bad." I continued to tell him about the things I'd do once I finished working on _The Yes Men_ and _The Yes Men Are Revolting._ He had just received a settlement from the city and said that it gave him the financial freedom to focus on the things he really wanted to do in life. He'd left school in the tenth grade and he didn't know what he wanted to do, so he just sat at home and watched television and ate lots of fast food. When I said that, he replied, "Well, I've never even thought about what I wanted to do in life, except that I didn't want to work for a corporation. I can't sit around and think for the rest of my life." I was surprised at how bold he was for someone his age. He was saying out loud things most people his age wouldn't dare say. He looked at me and said, "You're the only person I've ever met who says he doesn't want to work in television." That's when it occurred to me. He hadn't met me because I'm the Yes Man; he was one of my clients. When you walk away from TV, the movie business, and all that, it's liberating. It really is a good thing. I'm getting ready