That turned dark quickly. Instead
of her mom, it was one of the boys she played with who had found her
sewing. He was in his late teens and he wore a look of disgust, even
though he tried to hide it, as he took in the evidence of
Tammy's recent activity.
"Tammy!" her mom shouted at the boy. "She didn't know what she was
doing!"
The boy didn't even glance back at Tammy. He grabbed her hand and
pulled her into a run down a side street. Tammy had no idea where
they were going but soon enough, they had left the small town and
there was only a field of brambles ahead of them. The boy pushed her
into a thick grove of bramble bushes and then he took off.
They were under the shade of an enormous willow tree and Tammy
looked around at her surroundings. "Look!" she said.
The boy was on his knees looking at something in front of him. He
looked back up at Tammy and pushed her behind him. Tammy looked
around to see what had made him nervous.
As Tammy got closer she realized it was a man's hand. It had a hole
in it, but there were two fingers there, plus a thumb that seemed to
be stuck between a big toe and the heel.
The man was facedown, still wearing his jeans and a red and black
t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off. As Tammy got closer she
noticed a spot of blood on the ground around the hand and she saw
the wound too. It was high up on his back and well covered with mud.
Tammy followed the hand down the side of his leg. She saw that he
was wearing jeans but no underwear. And he had taken his own pants
down too. That's when she noticed the knife. It was sticking out of
his back at an odd angle, and the tip was missing.
Tammy couldn't breathe.
The man was covered with sweat and there was a lot of it. That was
how Tammy knew he was dying. She was too scared to cry but she felt
her throat close and her legs wobbled. She knew she should move
away but she couldn't get her muscles to work.
After what seemed like forever, but was really only a few minutes,
the man's body went still. Tammy slowly stepped away from the
body and back towards the house. She found herself walking back
towards home but not toward her mother. She kept her eyes on the
ground as she walked. She was more than happy to go straight home
as long as she didn't have to look at any of the people. There were
just too many people to keep track of. She kept her eyes down and
walked along one way in the streets, then the other.
By the time she got home she felt like she could breathe again.
Everyone was up and about and there was coffee in the kitchen.
Bethany jumped down from the counter, put the coffee down on the
table, and flew over to Tammy.
"What happened?" she said. "What did you do?"
Tammy shrugged and just kept walking away from her friends. She
walked all the way home and up to her room. As she went by the
kitchen she made sure her eyes stayed down as she said to Bethany,
"I was just playing outside." She turned around and went up the
stairs, into her room.
She didn't look at her mom at all. She just kept walking. She went
to her bed and climbed under the covers. Her mother got her a glass
of water and set it on the floor next to her. She started the water
running and quietly left the room. She went back downstairs and sat
down on the couch. Tammy looked at her and then turned her head back
towards the wall. She didn't say a word.
That night, she was woken up by a kiss on the top of her head.
"Don't be mad," her mother said.
Tammy lay there for a few minutes listening. She knew she should
say something, but she was afraid to open her mouth. Finally, she
heard her mother start to cry. She opened her eyes and lifted up
just enough to look out at her. Her mom's head was resting on the
pillow and she was crying. Tammy looked down and saw she was still
wearing a t-shirt and her panties.
"I'm not mad," Tammy said. "I'm just confused." Tammy took the
pillow and tossed it on the floor. Then she reached her arm under
the covers. She pulled her mother to her and wrapped her arms around
her. Her mom pulled her closer and sighed.
"I love you more than anything, Tammy," she said. "You are my
everything."
Tammy could tell her mom was trying to stay strong and not cry.
Then she started crying. "But you were so beautiful," she said.
Tammy's mother said no more. She hugged Tammy and cried until she
finally fell asleep again.
It was two hours later before Tammy's mother woke her up. "Mom, can
I sleep with you tonight?"
"Of course, dear," her mother said. They went back downstairs and
sat in the living room. Her mother got out her blanket and pillow
and put them in the corner. They lay down and began to talk.
Tammy could tell her mother was nervous. "The important thing is
that you told me about it," she said. "We don't have to hide it,
Tammy. It'll be alright."
Tammy hugged her mom tight. "I don't want to hide it. I'm ready to
have this baby, mom. I want everyone to know."
"Well, I want you to be able to enjoy being pregnant," her mom
said. "But you need to keep it secret. You can't tell the boys yet,
because they'll run right to their parents and their dad is already
suspicious. We can't tell your grandparents until I'm sure you're
going to make it through the next couple of weeks."
"Why don't we just tell them now?" Tammy said. "Why can't we tell
them now?"
Her mom pulled Tammy close and laid her head on her shoulder.
"Your grandfather is already worried," her mother said. "He's
worried about you and he's worried about me. If we told him now,
he'd lose it."
"What are you worried about?" Tammy said.
Her mom pulled her tight. "I don't know what will happen if you
have this baby. You might be alright. I'm worried that if you
were, you'd be fine. But if you were somehow injured or something
was wrong, I'd never forgive myself."
Tammy lay there and listened. She loved her mom, but she loved
grandpa too. She loved them both. She didn't want to lose her
grandparents.
She sat there for a long time. She listened to her mother and
listened to her grandmother, sobbing in the other room. She thought
about how much her mother had changed. She seemed so tired all the
time, and she worried all the time.
Tammy stood up and slowly walked back to her room. She quietly
went to the door and peeked out the crack. She could hear her
grandfather's voice and her mother's sobs. She closed the door
slightly and leaned back against it. She walked back to her bed and
sat down. She covered her eyes with her hands and sat there for a
moment, breathing, then she got up and went back out of her room.
She walked back to her parents and sat down in a chair.
She took her mother's hand. "I'm ready," she said.
Her mother sat up, her back suddenly straight, and leaned forward.
She reached into the pocket of her housecoat and pulled out her
purse. She threw it down on the floor and opened it. She pulled out
a long thin package.
Tammy sat there looking at the package. "You're giving her away?"
she said.
Tammy's mother nodded, taking the bundle out of the bag. "If
anything were to happen to you, my heart would stop and my life
would be over." She opened the bag and took the bag out of it. She
pulled the blanket out of the bag and looked at it. "It would just
hang over me forever." She reached down and took the blanket off of
the blanket. She held it up and handed it to Tammy.
It was the blanket that Tammy and her grandpa had gotten at a yard
