Tiffany, you really should reconsider your life choices if you are interested in marriage," but my point is, you did it, so why can't I do it? What is wrong with it?" She says she is just being a friend. What the hell!?!? The fact that she will give me this line makes me think that she has probably slept with him. In any case, the point is, why did she sleep with him if she did not love him? The only reason is because she loved him so much that it trumped her common sense. It is OK for me to be jealous because I slept with my best friend, so why can't she sleep with her fiance? If she wanted to, why didn't she sleep with him before? I am so hurt. I can't believe I spent over $3,000 of my money on this. I think I should go buy myself a gun, just in case he hurts me, he is so abusive. I am so hurt. If she slept with him without feeling any love, she never loved me. I mean, he may be an OK guy and all, and if I was not in a relationship, I may even be thinking of making out with him, but can anyone love me like I love him? I always knew my former boyfriend was a selfish, womanizing S.O.B., but I never thought it was this bad. I will never forget the day I moved out of my apartment. I said good-bye to my best friend, who I loved like a sister. Now I hate her. I hate myself for thinking this way about her, but there is nothing I can do about it. I should just let her go. She deserves to be happy, unlike me, who spent so much money on clothes and on her, and now will never have her own children. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry. Name Withheld Return to top Personal Columns In this section, writers tell what's on their minds--young or old, single or coupled, gay or straight. What makes today's columnists tick? Perhaps they can help you find answers to the questions you've always wanted to ask. Or perhaps they'll just give you a better understanding of yourself. Either way, it's sure to make for lively reading. The Gay Dude An Excerpt from "A Date with a Gay Guy: And Other Things Gay Dudes Like" He should be gay. All his good qualities should have drawn him to the homosexual lifestyle. The fact that he isn't will forever be a mystery. It might be too late to change. His mother has already told him that he is a "disappointment." Why aren't I gay? I go to clubs a lot. I have a great time at hot DJ parties that feature some hard, young dance music. I look around for men who make eye contact with me. I want to exchange a smile with someone. You might find it unmanly, but when I make eye contact with a dude I'm into, I smile. Not a smile full of teeth, but a real genuine one, for sure. I might even be a little more excited than I would be if a non-gay dude were giving me his full attention. I'm proud of myself when a gay guy gives me his full attention. I'm not sure I've ever had a straight guy who liked me give me his full attention. I'm sure it's happened before. And when it does happen, I notice. I can't even tell you why I do this. It just feels right. It's like I'm trying to get in touch with my roots. Deep inside, I can't help but think that all men, all human beings, need love. But I don't think that's a lesbian thing, and I don't think it's a gay thing, either. It's just my way of being human. The Straight Dude An excerpt from "How to Please a Lesbian" by a Straight Dude Recently I was watching a nature program on National Geographic when a lone cheetah raced across the veldt. It had pounced on a baby gazelle and it was going in for the kill. The gazelle was in hysterics. I hate hunting, and I wish I could have felt more sympathy for it. But the fact is that the gazelle was about to become dinner, so I couldn't empathize with it. If I could have moved to Florida and befriended the cheetah, I might have wondered whether it had any reservations about the hunt. Would it have felt guilty about the gazelle's terror? Perhaps I would have asked it to look at me in the eye and acknowledge that the gazelle was going through hell, and it was going to be killed, either way. But no such luck, I was stuck in front of the TV watching the chase. A few weeks later, my brother, Mark, came over to visit me, and we were talking in the backyard. He started talking about his girlfriend and how he can't wait to take her on a "real date." I was interested. I'd never really gotten around to taking a woman on a date. So we talked about dates, and how Mark was going to take his girlfriend, Stacey, out for a nice dinner and some wine, a walk in a nearby park, maybe a movie. When Mark was a teenager, he was involved with the girl next door. They were going to be married, but the problem was that he'd lost his virginity to her. The last thing he wanted was for that to happen again. I nodded as I listened to Mark talk. I always liked his girlfriend, Stacey. After a few years, Mark and Stacey got married and had a baby, so now I felt even closer to Mark because his whole family was there. I also liked the fact that Mark was concerned about Stacey's past--and his own. He knew about condoms and how to use them. I don't think he ever did use one with Stacey, but when he did, he would make sure she didn't just push it on to the head. I'm a real straight-laced guy. I work hard for my money, and I try to take care of my friends. Mark said he was worried that one day Stacey's ex-boyfriend would show up out of nowhere. And that would be a real danger to her, of course, because Mark's gay. I nodded again, and I knew what he meant. When I got married to Rachel, I promised my parents that I would never do anything to hurt her or them. I remember thinking how hard it was to make those vows to my mother and father because I never expected to end up with a girl. Before I knew it, I was married to Rachel and living a straight life. She understands my straight side, but she also understands that I am not a lesbian or bisexual. I'd never been attracted to a man. Until Rachel, I never thought of myself as bi. And she's beautiful. She has always been gorgeous. And she's straight. How can I explain to you how I felt when I left the man who was with us that night to go home to my straight wife? I felt like I was going to a different world, a different universe. But I was happy to go, because it meant that I was making the choices I'd always wanted to make. I was living in my truth. I was making my dreams come true. I'm back from the date with Mark and Stacey. The two of us took a long walk, and we told each other a lot of things we had never told anyone. At the park near the parking lot of our apartment building, Mark asked me if I wanted to go see a movie with him. I shook my head no. I'm not sure I want to see a movie with another man