I do have this very pleasant feeling of the world being a place where I can just relax and enjoy life without having to be constantly worried about what people are saying about me.” I don’t know whether or not he’ll get over that sense of relief. I do know that he must. And I’m going to keep trying to convince him to let me hug him. My husband has always been one of those guys you have to look for. He’s handsome enough to be attractive, but a quiet demeanor has him blending in with the furniture. That is, until he opens his mouth. He grew up being the shy, quiet, kind of nerdy kid, but he’s always loved making people smile and laugh. He did it at work. He did it when we went out. He did it in his spare time. He was just always someone who would want to share that smile with others. I remember one Christmas, while we were driving home from a family Christmas, my father-in-law commented on how we kept waving at other drivers and pointing out other road accidents to my husband. My husband was like, “Oh yeah. I’m a people watcher. I love doing that.” My husband has a great sense of humor, is well-read, and is funny to be around. He just has this strange gift of making people laugh, and he’s always done it with just a word, a glance, or maybe a touch on the arm. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a room with him, and a person (somewhere between the ages of 2 and 102) has made a comment and that person is laughing so hard tears are pouring down their face because of what he or she has said. That makes my husband’s day. But, as I mentioned, when it comes to talking to people face-to-face, he’s not exactly someone you want to be in a room with, unless you’re into being quiet. I’m sure many of you can relate to how it feels when you go to do something with someone you care about, but for some reason, you can’t say anything. There is a feeling of discomfort or nervousness that can really eat away at you. I’ve had times when I’ve told someone, “No, I’m not uncomfortable. This is actually pretty great.” We’re all entitled to our own level of comfort. I can guarantee there have been times I’ve been too talkative, and I know for a fact that the other person has wished I would shut up. We get what we want, and when that doesn’t happen, we get frustrated and/or bored. So why am I explaining this? Back to my husband. There are days where he can be quiet in a conversation, but then all of a sudden, something will come out that makes people around him cringe and look at him weird. It happened a few months ago when we were at a restaurant with some friends. I had planned to say grace before we ate, but I was too busy talking to people to have gotten the chance to say a prayer. So at one point, I just stopped what I was doing and said, “We don’t have to say anything. It’s up to you if you want to say a grace. If you do, I want you to use the one in the book of John, chapter 12, verses 20-26.” I told him to pick up the book of John and just look at the passage I mentioned. He then proceeded to read it, because I guess he thought I was a nut who needed to be told to shut up, because instead of being a little quiet, he read it in his booming voice. He got some weird looks and a couple of people actually walked away. After dinner, when we got home, he was telling me about it and he was very upset that people walked away from us. And I had no idea what the big deal was. My husband is not one of those people who would come right out and say a prayer. He would rather just sit in silence in church so he could try to figure out why the guy in front of him is constantly praying and how he’s getting so many requests that his boss won’t take his calls. And for the record, my husband is not Catholic. He’s just an all around wonderful guy who, when we have guests over, tries his best to make everyone around him feel at ease. The next morning, I was explaining the situation to my husband. I told him, “I’m sorry I never saw that being a big deal. I don’t think people want to be around a person who just keeps talking and talking and talking. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.” But he was a bit exasperated. “I got so many different looks. People kept turning their heads or moving. This is a restaurant where people come and hang out together.” He was extremely embarrassed and was so tired of it that I guess he just wanted to come out and tell me to shut up. In my head I was like, “I don’t think I would have done the same thing.” He’s one of those people that wants people to feel comfortable around him, and when they’re not, he’s a bit thrown off. I am a really outgoing person and I can honestly say that I have no issues with the quiet people in my life. To be completely honest, when I was going through a hard time a few years ago, a lot of the time I wished I was a quiet person, and that I had someone that understood me. A friend of mine introduced me to a book about introverts by Susan Cain, and it opened my eyes to what it means to be an introvert. It’s okay to be shy. It’s not a bad thing. I’m not afraid of silence or anything like that. I’m actually a very extroverted person and love talking to people. But when people who are introverts are in a room with a bunch of extroverts, or I can see them at a party with all of their friends and a bunch of people who really can’t shut up, well then all of a sudden they become the center of attention. Everyone around them is busy taking pictures, talking about them, and having a good time. I don’t know if it’s jealousy or something else, but a lot of times there can be resentment towards people like that. When I was trying to explain to him why people would do that, my husband just looked at me and said, “I don’t know what happened to me as I got older. Everyone in my life has always been so happy and fun. I know that I have to start learning how to fit in, and sometimes I feel like I’m an alien in my own home. I don’t know what it is, but it must be my personality.” When he said this I did have a little bit of sympathy, but not much. He said, “It’s sad that people don’t want to be around me, and I don’t understand what happened.” It didn’t make sense. I mean, I don’t think of myself as one of those people who’s just always fun. And I have never had people do the things that people did to him. So we just have to agree to disagree. And the worst part is that he has to experience it every day because I really do have a social problem. I’ve always been outgoing and happy, and I have loved being around people. But now I’m having a hard time being outgoing because all I think about is what other people are thinking of me. It’s a weird dichotomy. So what you’re going to get from me is laughter, and I hope you understand what I’m saying. All in all, if I ever talk to you, I hope you understand what I’m saying, but don’t get mad if I’m not laughing, smiling, or giving you all the best gossip. A friend of mine (I’ll call her ‘Chuck’) was telling me recently about a situation she went through at the store where she worked. She’d been to one of the local restaurants to grab a drink, but the guy she was talking to, who had been the manager for years, just walked away when he saw her. She told me that she was so upset because he knew who she was, and he walked away from her like she was no one. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was that same guy who came up to me and told me to shut up. It made me wonder what was going on in the back of his head. And what was going on in mine? Then I started thinking about it from the other point of view. At one