Don't Say Anything About My Mom's Weight Loss Surgery My mom had lap band surgery this past weekend to help her lose weight. She told me over the years how much she hated my dad and how fat she was. I kept telling her she's not fat, she just needs to lose weight. She did her thing and lost over 60 pounds already! It's amazing what they can do these days to help with weight loss. The reason I'm posting this on here is because I'm really having a hard time with it. I'm really happy for her but my whole entire family is going to know. They're having a party this coming weekend and telling everyone in the family. A few friends from school and work and my dad's brother. I'm very embarrassed about it and it's really hard on me to tell them too. They are all my friend or my very best friend. I feel like the only one who doesn't know is my dad and him only because he won't listen to me when I say something. I'll have to deal with him at the party. His brother will be nice and tell me to stop and he won't say anything. I really don't want anyone to know and I feel like no one will ever forget this. I wish I could turn off my stomach and have no feelings so I can stop caring so much but it's to late for that. Hi, I lost 140 lbs with gastric banding and I am about the same height as you are but am 15 years younger. I am also an ex-nurse, mother, and wife. I feel your pain but I would like to give you some helpful advice. I know your parents are going to be so happy with the results. Take care of them and they'll be so happy that they have you for an adult child. You might feel awkward around the others for a while but don't give in to that feeling, your in control of your body now and are old enough to be free. I know they told you not to say anything but just because you told them not to, doesn't mean it will not come out. They will probably see it for themselves soon and you'll get the same reaction you're feeling now so just listen to your gut. Do you think there will be a point where you'll tell them about your surgery? I am willing to listen because I feel your pain about your parents. I'm really sorry to hear that. But, honestly, you're old enough to tell them now, if you wanted. I understand wanting to keep it to yourself, but I'm one of those people who needs to have everything out in the open as possible. I don't hold grudges, and I'm not afraid of hurting anyone's feelings. You've been hurt enough as a kid. I agree with the other comments that you have a good head on your shoulders and you can handle your feelings and this secret. I'm sure that you know your limits, which is more than I could ever say for my mom, who is still in denial about her weight problem even at my age. She had gastric bypass a few years ago and is still not even making an effort to lose weight. Don't let the fact that this particular secret can hurt you or the people close to you be a reason for not telling. If it is as serious as you say, then you should put up with the hurt feelings for the sake of your health and the lives of your parents. If you're going to make an effort to tell them, which you should, then you have to be prepared to deal with the consequences. The same goes for this secret. I agree with the other comments that you have a good head on your shoulders and you can handle your feelings and this secret. I'm sure that you know your limits, which is more than I could ever say for my mom, who is still in denial about her weight problem even at my age. She had gastric bypass a few years ago and is still not even making an effort to lose weight. Don't let the fact that this particular secret can hurt you or the people close to you be a reason for not telling. If it is as serious as you say, then you should put up with the hurt feelings for the sake of your health and the lives of your parents. If you're going to make an effort to tell them, which you should, then you have to be prepared to deal with the consequences. The same goes for this secret. There are two things that are going to make you feel very good about yourself after surgery: One is that you will not be obese and have some control over your life Two is that no one will ever think bad of you again for having this done to you. People used to be embarrassed by fatness, now we just wish that we had a little more. If no one thinks bad of you anymore, it means that you are a well-adjusted, well-loved member of society. If it helps, just think about your father-in-law. I do not have children and would not be able to have children if I couldn't control myself. I have had bariatric surgery and have to take it very seriously to make sure that I don't regain the weight. If you don't have children, you won't have to live up to a parent's expectations. I understand wanting to keep it to yourself, but I think you should open up and be honest. Hello, There's nothing wrong with having weight loss surgery. I personally have had the lap band. I personally think it is very bad that it has a bad name. I'm not saying I'm perfect about telling people but my sister never knew until she found out when she was cleaning out my closet. She was getting rid of stuff and found my books, my books talked about the surgery. I thought I would have the nerve to show her, but it didn't come to it. Some people feel bad that they didn't tell people sooner. I had an accident where I am stuck in the hospital for 5 days and when I finally got home I weighed 300 lbs. My sister who has been wanting me to lose weight took me shopping. And she says it was so bad she couldn't bring herself to ask why I was so big. We went to Goodwill and I picked out clothes that would be good for her to wear. When I told her the week later, she freaked out. But she's learned and it's never going to happen again. Now I have a sister who wants me to lose more weight. I guess to each their own. But seriously people shouldn't feel bad if they need to lose weight. Hello, There's nothing wrong with having weight loss surgery. I personally have had the lap band. I personally think it is very bad that it has a bad name. I'm not saying I'm perfect about telling people but my sister never knew until she found out when she was cleaning out my closet. She was getting rid of stuff and found my books, my books talked about the surgery. I thought I would have the nerve to show her, but it didn't come to it. Some people feel bad that they didn't tell people sooner. I had an accident where I am stuck in the hospital for 5 days and when I finally got home I weighed 300 lbs. My sister who has been wanting me to lose weight took me shopping. And she says it was so bad she couldn't bring herself to ask why I was so big. We went to Goodwill and I picked out clothes that would be good for her to wear. When I told her the week later, she freaked out. But she's learned and it's never going to happen again. Now I have a sister who wants me to lose more weight. I guess to each their own. But seriously people shouldn't feel bad if they need to lose weight. Hi, If you're okay with your body, then you can do the things you want. I don't know why people feel bad about being larger than they are comfortable with. If you say you have bariatric surgery then people will understand. I mean, if you're fat, people don't want you to go to a gym because they think you'll gain the weight back. Like I said, there's nothing wrong with having weight loss surgery and you should be proud of yourself. You're old enough to do whatever you want now and you should not be afraid of what other people might think. You'll always be hurt from this when you become older. Hi, If you're okay with your body, then you can do the things you want. I don't know why people feel bad about being larger than they are comfortable with. If you say you have bariatric surgery then people will understand. I mean, if you're fat, people don't want you to go to a gym because they think you'll gain the weight back. Like I said, there's nothing wrong with having weight loss surgery and you should be proud of yourself. You're old enough to do whatever you want now and you should not be afraid of what other people might think. You'll always be hurt from this when you become older. My boyfriend's mom is obese and he can't stand how she has to live, she was obese for years so he decided he would love her more if she was beautiful, just like his mom (who never was obese) he wanted to love her the way she was before. He's a lot happier now. You have to love yourself, no one else will. You can still love them just the way they are and not tell them. Or don't tell them. Good luck to