I am thinking of you in my sleepless solitude tonight, if it’s wrong to do so, since I’m miles away. I can’t wait to talk to you again. Goodnight, my own. My thoughts have gone far away and with them, the images of you. The sweet memories of you which I had in mind, that has long since faded. For now, there is nothing left of me but the darkness. As I was saying, with a heavy heart, I was forced to give up on you, which seemed to be the most natural course of things. I told myself that we were incompatible, that there was nothing left of that good feeling we had once shared. After all, you are just too close to me for us to be able to live in peace. I don’t know how, but I felt it in my bones. I knew that if I never loved anyone ever again, that will be enough for me. As for myself, I want to be happy, but I was also afraid to be in love again because I was afraid that the same old thing would happen again. But the worst thing I’ve ever done was to end that love. What a pity. That love will now never have a chance to grow. I miss you badly. I will never give up on you. Not until the day I die, you will remain always in my thoughts and in my heart. I told myself that this should be good for me, but deep inside I knew it was wrong. And it hurt so much. I tried to tell myself that what we had just started was a fluke and that’s all there is to it. After all, we did not really know each other yet. We had only been dating for a few months, that’s all. I knew that it wasn’t normal, but I didn’t see any way out of it. Then, after a few weeks went by, things were getting better. I was happy and I thought I had you to thank for that. I could see that things were moving in the right direction. Maybe I should have taken the opportunity to be completely honest with myself. But then, the unthinkable happened. I heard it with my own ears, so to speak, when you said that it was time for us to stop. Just like that, one evening, just like that, without any explanation or warning. You were so cold with me. You acted as if it didn’t matter to you if I was hurt or upset or sad. It was as if I were a stranger to you. In truth, I don’t think you ever loved me at all, in any way, at all. Even when you smiled and kissed me goodbye that night, I felt that you had already given up on me. Then I was filled with so much rage and so much pain, I didn’t know what to do. It was as if I had been punched in the face. Even now, I am unable to look at you. You haunt my every waking moment, every breath of air that I breathe in. Even just thinking about you is an unbearable torment for me, even today. I just wanted to share these thoughts with you. Please feel free to tell me if you’d like me to keep you informed of my thoughts and emotions. That’s what you need to do. Tell me, what to do, if anything, to get rid of this. Please. I need to move on with my life. I cannot live in this world if I cannot be with you. Please help me find my way. I know that you are angry with me as well. As far as I can remember, you are an extraordinary person who has a good heart. There is a lot of good in you, even though you have never really tried to believe that. I want you to know that I really appreciate everything that you have done for me. Without you, I don’t know where I’d be today. I just hope that I never have to tell you that I cannot see things through with you, ever again. You will always remain in my heart and in my mind, even if I have to move away from you. You have changed a lot since that day you came home and told me that I didn’t love you anymore, and, you will always remain to me a constant reminder of my innocence and our first-love. Love, Your former lover *** My mind kept going back to that night, when you left me. To this day, I still cannot figure out what happened. I’ve done a lot of searching and reading about love and dating and relationships. I found an article on the internet and I really loved it. It was about how people have all these illusions about love and how it’s really not as complicated as they make it out to be. It can be so much simpler than the romantic stories you see on television. There is no perfect mate out there for everyone. You just have to believe that. You just have to believe that it can happen to you. So I looked for you and I found you. Your profile was easy to find since it was so obvious that you had never been single in your life. I couldn’t believe that you were so naïve, and so, even after all that had happened, I continued the search. I sent you an email, something brief, not too many words. I wanted you to understand the level of my feelings. I explained a few things and I mentioned that you will always have a special place in my heart and thoughts. Even if you don’t return my feelings, I will always love you for your kindness. I had hoped that I could get a response from you and I felt that I might be able to. After all, you are kind. I never expected to hear from you again, but I did. A short while later, you sent me your response. It wasn’t long, but I still think it was too much for a first email. I thought it was like a confession. At first, it wasn’t easy to read, but I had to push through the pain in order to decipher the meaning behind the words. I could tell you had made an effort to be sweet and honest. It’s not every day that you meet someone who has never been single. But I could not help but be a bit disappointed. You said that you could not return my feelings. Why was that? Love is complicated. I am not sure whether you remember. Maybe if I tell you the story, it would ring some bells? There is this girl named Sarah, who you might have met sometime back, a few months before we started dating. You remember that little thing that happened to me, that one night. Right? Yeah, me, I had an amazing time with you at the beach. You were so sweet and kind that night. I remember you, but you weren’t with me that night, though. It was still good, but I think I had already started to feel sad again before the second person arrived. She came alone, she was alone, but she was the girl I fell in love with. I’ll never forget her. She will never be forgotten. You met her that night. After that night, you never saw her again, she disappeared, at least that’s what I was told. Did you know her? I had this feeling, it felt like you knew each other. But I don’t know why. Maybe she had met you before. Maybe it was just the atmosphere of the place. It could have been any of those things, I don’t know what. You said that you cannot love anyone again. You mentioned that we were incompatible, and that if it wasn’t for our shared love for music, you would have said ‘goodbye’ to me the night I came to pick you up at the beach. That was the first time I had heard you express such strong feelings for me. That was the first time I felt that I could rely on you to have my back. You had said, ‘Let’s go’. You had given me this look, like you just knew what I was thinking. The next day, I thought, ‘we were incompatible’. So I felt very disappointed. I felt really betrayed and hurt. And after that night, you never said hello to me again. You stopped talking to me after that. It was like it never happened. We stopped getting along the way we had started. I understand that. But if you still have feelings for me, then maybe there is something left between us, even if we just met. I never want to cause any more trouble, or drama, for you. I just want you to remember that it could be a lot worse than what it turned out to be. For a few years, there was nothing I wanted more than to just have you love me and treat me well. The rest of the story, I think you