Tell me a joke." "Why'd the midget put the dog in the microwave?" "So the poopie would stop all over the floor." "Okay, just give me a second, will you?" "I need to build the joke inside of my head." "So..." " Oh!" "Yeah." "Oh, hey, look." "It's my first drawing." "I had to use glue because you took the crayons." "Yes." "Speaking of..." "Okay." "You know how there's those people that you just don't think can draw?" "So you just sort of have it in your head that they can't do it, and that's what you think?" "Then you meet one of them, and it turns out they're really good at drawing." "What is that?" "It's a chair." "Yes." "It's just a..." "It's a chair." "That's all it is." "It's not a chair." "It's..." "A chair is not just a chair." "It's a good chair." "Where's the stuff on it?" "The wheels are there." "Where's the seat?" "It's not a..." "This is not that funny!" "It's just a chair." "Are you crying?" " Yeah." "Yeah, I'm crying." "I'm sorry." "Yeah, I'm not funny." "Look." "The reason I'm not funny is because I'm a coward." "I'm a super coward." "You know, last week I was gonna draw you, but I was too scared." "So I asked my friend, Michael, to do it for me, and he said yes, and so he just drew you anyway." "I didn't want to draw him alone, so I drew him with another friend of mine, Kevin." "Yeah, Kevin!" "And they were wearing funny hats, and I said, "Kevin, why don't you do your funny hat for me?"" "And I didn't want to do a caricature of him because I know he'll always look angry and bitter." "I just wanted a picture of Kevin." "I didn't even want to put glasses on him, but I did." "So it was just some glasses and a funny hat, and I just ran out of time." "I never had a chance to draw you." "And I didn't want to do a caricature of him, but I just didn't have the time." "And he's not angry, and he's not bitter!" "And he's amazing, and he's beautiful, and he's funny." "He's a great writer." "He's perfect." "And I'm an idiot!" "And I'm..." "I'm a..." "You're not a coward!" "You're..." "You're beautiful and funny and perfect, and I love you." "Okay, now I'm gonna be goofy." "So, my wife and I, we have two boys." "And we're expecting another baby." "And the reason that that is funny is because I just said the word "expecting,"" "and you just, you know..." "Yeah, you just..." "You've been saying a lot of really funny things lately." "Well, you're not alone." "Well, it's..." "It's a funny thing, because sometimes it feels like it might be one way, and sometimes it feels like it might be another." "And if you spend a lot of your time worrying about all of that, then I think you end up thinking," ""Maybe it doesn't come." ""Maybe I don't come." ""Maybe I never come."" "And it's only funny if you feel that way about the pregnancy, because if you want to keep the baby, you need to feel happy about it." "Yeah." "So you've got a baby on the way." "Just..." "Just don't worry about the how." "Don't worry about what's going to come, because we're going to make it happen." "You know, the thing that's important to me is that there are other women that I can talk to." "I'm having a baby, and I want to have other children." "And I'm not talking about children with my husband or my wife or my partner." "I'm talking about children with women that I know and that I can have a relationship with, women that I like, women that I trust." "I don't know if you know that you're gay or not or you're bisexual or whatever it is, but you just keep using the word "gay."" "Why do you keep saying the word "gay" all the time?" "And now it's a baby." "I mean, I don't know what that's about." "I mean, it's, like, you're a gay man, and I'm just a straight guy." "And we can't have babies together." "And I think that's kind of unfortunate." "And so if we can have a baby or two or three together, then, like..." "Well, that would be great." "That would be the best thing in the world." "But I'm just..." "And maybe you should try to have a real relationship with a woman instead of just talking to them on a video chat." "I don't know." "I don't know what's going on." "I mean, I know that you've been going through some things lately." "But you know what?" "My boyfriend and I got an apartment." "I think you're awesome." "Thank you, man." "I appreciate it." "The thing that you do, you know, that you..." "I guess I would just appreciate it if you didn't talk about my sexual preferences in the third person, because..." "Yeah, that makes sense." "I was talking about myself." "See you later, man." "Hey, how's it going?" "How are you doing?" "Is there room there for a tall, skinny man who doesn't really fit in?" "I'm just being honest." "Hey, is it true that you don't really have your own place?" "It's such a weird question to me that people want to live with you." "Like..." "Yeah, that's because you're always moving around so much." "What, do you not want to stay at my place sometimes?" "No, I like to stay at your place." "Well, yeah." "It's just that I don't really have a place." "And you keep moving all the time." "So I think it would be very hard for you to have a place to live." "But I think I'd be willing to work on that with you." "How much do you think we should work on it?" "I think maybe four times a week." "You know, in the morning before work." "Where, like, at work?" "Yeah." "Wherever." "Wherever, like, you're working." "I just want you to know that I would love to stay at your place." "I just need a little more time." "I get what's going on." "And I also want you to know that I really want to spend more time with you." "But I'm gonna need you to give me a little bit more time." "How much more time?" "I would say that I'm gonna need..." "I'll let you know as soon as I figure it out." "But I will come to you when I'm ready." "That's fair." "Fair enough." "Hey." "How are you doing?" "Not so good." "A little bit nervous." "I'm a little bit afraid." "Like, I'm afraid that my wife's gonna love him more than she loves me." "And then I'm gonna be left out on the side again, just like I was in high school." "I don't think you're gonna have to worry about that, because you're just..." "You're so beautiful." "You know?" "And you don't have any of that, like, you know, a little gut hanging down there that you can't do anything about." "I'm, like, so scared of losing my wife again." "How much do you love her?" "I love her." "She's a very good mother." "And she takes good care of the kids." "She cares for them." "She's responsible." "She's funny." "She always says funny stuff." "I don't know what else to say, but I love her, and I think she's the greatest." "My stomach is hurting so bad." "Yeah." "I'm..." "I'm just so nervous about this." "All the time that I was married to my wife, she was always telling me how good-looking I was and how attractive I was." "And I can't believe that now that I'm getting divorced, she's really gonna get to know who I am." "I was never a good-looking guy." "I was always just, like, a normal guy." "I mean, I worked out." "I never went to the gym." "I was fat as shit when I was growing up, and now I'm getting divorced and I'm, like, this hot fuck, right?" "So the whole reason why my wife was with me in the first place was because she thought that I was this great-looking guy." "Now she's getting a new opinion of me, and she's gonna realize that she made a mistake." "And I'm