Blood is Blood. You can’t treat a vampire as though it’s a Klingon. That’s why there aren’t half a million vampire books published each year or ten. No one has ever written one that sells three hundred thousand. So let’s all just have a chat and agree that vampires are cool. Yeah. They are, and not as a metaphor. They drink blood, they have super-strength, they have hypnotic powers that allow them to hypnotize people for longer than you can, they are stronger and more beautiful than human beings, and have a unique culture because of their origins. The most popular stories are about vampires, not humans. Vampires are the most popular cultural icon in the world right now. No. You don’t need special magical powers to do vampires. What we’re writing about right now is vampires with unique cultural icons, and not only can you create a vampire, but if you can’t, the vampire will take a human form and become a celebrity, and maybe even write its own vampire book. And that’s pretty cool. I will say, some vampires just might be able to move through mirrors and walk into rooms by themselves, but they don’t always need their cape. And if I have to be a vampire in order to write vampire stories, you bet, I’m a vampire, alright? That’s why vampires are cool. What vampires have not mastered is the ability to control electricity. It’s not that they cannot handle it, because they can. However, since most vampires live outside of a proper society, most do not wear underwear. And those of them that do live in a proper society often wear only black underwear because they are ashamed to be seen wearing anything else. The bottom line is that vampires who live in proper society still enjoy spilling a little bit of semen on their boxers or on their handkerchiefs. Just for a little while. And, yes, once again, it’s only human blood that vampires crave. That’s why vampires are cool. I can write a vampire story as cool or cooler than any other book I’ve ever written, and I know that I can because I’ve done it. And I want to write a vampire book that would make the world and the universe go berserk, if I were to. And I can’t say for sure that I’m not a vampire, but I do know for sure that if I were to be a vampire, I would choose Vlad Tepes, the Prince of Wallachia from the 15th century. Yes. In this era of globalization, it’s necessary that the name be changed from Dracula to Dracula. That is an example of a name that I know is cooler than Bram Stoker’s. It’s cooler because Vlad Tepes was one of the coolest guys who ever lived. I do not advocate any kind of violence or killing. I will put a disclaimer in the first chapter, not to protect myself, but to protect you from reading the story. I do not approve of those with special powers. That doesn’t mean that the vampires aren’t cool. Vampires who want to spend eternity living off blood and electricity. Who want to be vampire hunters, because they need the power of violence and they need to justify their jobs. Yes, vampires are cool. Vampires are cool because we can do what we want with them. Because they can do what they want with us. What they want and what they do can be two different things, but it can also be the same thing. Because what they really want to do is have sex with us, and no matter how many times they say they don’t want to do it, eventually, they will want to do it. We don’t have to let them do it. We can say we don’t want them to, but we also don’t have to let them do it, and once we do that, it doesn’t matter if they are humans or vampires, because vampires like to be thought of as sexual beings, and when we say “no” we make it hard for them to take blood from us. So you can say no, or you can say yes, or you can walk away. But vampires aren’t in love with you for long. Once you say no, they don’t give a damn what happens to you. They don’t care if they make you lose all of your blood, if it brings the cops, or if you have to go to jail, and even if the cops are after them too. And vampires can’t die unless they have a stake or some other kind of wooden stick in them. You get the idea, right? You have no right to play games with vampires, whether they are real vampires or not. If you do play games with them, then you better be willing to play by their rules, and that means losing your blood, or having your blood drunk out of you, or not being able to do anything because they are holding you down. But you do it for fun, right? If you want to play vampire games, then it doesn’t matter what they are. There’s only one rule, and that’s to say yes to vampires. Do you understand me? Or do you need me to write it down for you? That’s why vampires are cool. I have been a vampire for more than forty years. I live with them. I was born in the 1980s, and most of my life has been consumed by vampires. My first book was about vampires and had almost nothing to do with vampires. Because vampires weren’t cool enough to tell anyone that they were cool. The truth is that the truth is not cool. You want vampires to be cool. But once you write about them, they become even cooler than you think they are. Vampires want us to like them. So many people who do not know better treat vampires like they are stupid. So I have something to say. Vampires are not always cool. When you know them, and when you know about them, they can be very cool. The reason why they are cool is because they are not human. They don’t want to be human, and because we love them, and we love their dark culture, we feel the need to love them too. And that’s the reason why vampires are cool, because of vampires who do not want to be alive, and do not want to love us. And that is why we can love vampires and kill them at the same time. That’s why vampires are cool. And that is why I write them, because vampires are cool. That’s why vampires are cool. And it’s why I could never write another book that is not about vampires. And that’s why you will read a vampire story written by me for as long as vampires exist and as long as I want to. And that’s why vampires are cool. That’s why vampires are cool. And that’s why no other vampire author has the right to write vampire stories. And that’s why you are going to love the book I have written and is about vampires. And that’s why you should not be writing about vampires, because that’s not your right. And that’s why vampires are cool. The reason why vampires are cool is because we are better than you, which is why vampires are better than you, too. And that’s why you can’t write about them. I mean, it is a truth that has been tested over and over again that the reason why vampires can be cooler than the average person is because you cannot write about vampires. And here are some more reasons why vampires are cooler than you. 1. You don’t know what it is to be a vampire. Because vampires do things that only vampires can do. Vampires have secrets that humans don’t understand. And then they take those secrets and show them to us and