It All Boils Down to This The fact that one small element of our culture has been targeted, and the fact that many other people are also being targeted, may help make those of us who experience it as a form of sexual violence understand what it feels like for others who are targeted because of their identity. And if we could somehow hear these stories, we could feel empathy and extend care and understanding. We could also feel indignation. We could feel grief over all that had to be overcome to live without fear that the person you love could be targeted because of who you are. If we were able to listen to the stories of those living with the fear that they could be targeted because of their identity, we might feel sorrow over having had to overcome obstacles to live in a world where the fear of being targeted based on their sexual orientation or gender identity had to be overcome. As we listen to these stories and grieve for them, perhaps we might also feel indignation. How is it possible that these stories have to be told, and the experiences of this terror and grief must be experienced? What do we do to create a world where the fear of being targeted because of our identity does not have to exist? These questions about indignation, about creating a world where people do not have to go through experiences like these, are about outrage. We can feel outrage. We can feel anger at the indignity that anyone should ever have to endure because of their gender or sexual orientation. If we can feel outrage, we can also feel hope. But the hope we need to focus on is the hope of creating that kind of world, and the hope of ensuring that this does not have to be a world where those fear being targeted because of their identity. Because what we are really being called to outrage about is the existence of a world where people will be targeted because of their gender and sexual orientation. I say ‘being called to’ outrage because outrage is not what we’re used to. It might not have been what we were raised to feel. We might have felt something else, even as we experienced the sexual violence, and even as we felt the grief over what it meant to be targeted. We might have felt numbness and denial and fear. Our outrage might be something else than outrage. It might be something else. Or maybe we do feel outrage, maybe we do feel outrage because we are angry at those who have put us in harm’s way. Maybe we are angered because we feel the grief over what it meant for us to grow up in the world where people who did not look like us were being targeted because of their gender or sexual orientation. Maybe we feel anger when we see that the world is still, after all these years, a world where fear is justified. Maybe we’re angry because we know that a world where fear is justified leads to sexual violence. And what has happened to us has happened because some have made it their job to justify that fear. And that is why we have to respond with outrage. That is why we have to stand up and say that we’re going to create a world where people who were targeted because of who they are will not have to go through experiences like the ones we endured. Maybe in the process, we will become activists and community members in every community who has yet to break the silence that enables those who want to target the ones they love because of their gender or sexual orientation. Maybe we will do this not just because we do not want our own experience to ever happen again. Maybe we will do this because we can’t bear it to be anyone’s experience ever again. We can’t bear it to be anyone’s experience ever again, especially not the experiences of those who are targeted because of who they are. We can’t bear it for anyone to go through what we did. Maybe if we feel the outrage at the injustices that exist in our world, we will want to act. We will want to make our world a better place. We will want to ensure that people who are being targeted because of their identity have people who will support them. Maybe this is the best way to stand up for ourselves. This is the best way to stand up for our dignity. One thing I have learned about living a life where my gender and sexual orientation are something to be targeted for is that people will often dismiss the idea that it could be happening to us if we talk about it. And it’s not that they try to pretend it isn’t happening. It’s that they say, “well, we don’t really think it’s happening.” Or, “they can’t possibly be targeting you because of your gender or sexual orientation.” Or, “that can’t possibly be happening because we think you’re so smart and capable and perfect that you don’t need to be targeted.” These are the stories I want to hear. Those are the stories I need to hear. If we can begin to hear them, then we will be able to stand up, and then we will be able to take a stand for our dignity. * * * Inspired by Dr. Robin Stern and V-Day’s “Pink Power” campaign. Photo by D.W. Brown. Related Caitlin Moran, author of How to Be a Woman and other bestselling works, was an early and enthusiastic supporter of this project. The book in her arms is “I Don’t Want to Fight” by Andrea Quan, with an introduction by Dr. Stern.