Everyone is hooking up, but what about me? _What's my game?_ " When she doesn't have a boyfriend, she'll text or IM random guys to find out what they're doing. "I'll just make up things and say, _Hey, we should hang out._ " Sometimes her friends would say that's not how you ask someone out, but she insists it's not as complicated as everyone says. And who could blame her? Everyone told Jodie she would never have a boyfriend, but she got one when she was sixteen. Her friends didn't seem to be the least bit disappointed by that. They all called her a slut and taunted her, _I'll fuck him, you can't. I know all the tricks._ But a few weeks after she slept with him, he started talking to his roommate. She was never able to see him again. She still has no idea what happened, but he never called. "I think he's gay." Jodie was a virgin when she met her fiancé at the bar. She didn't believe him until he unzipped his pants in the alley. She didn't put her hand on him. She never had sex with him. The day before their wedding she decided to change the order of the hymen ceremony so that she and a friend of hers could have a little fun. While her friends cheered them on, she inserted a tampon, hoping it would soak up some blood, which in turn would cause the painless bleeding necessary for a successful hymen break. Her hymen was still intact on her wedding day. I met Jodie at a bachelorette party, so we got to know each other at a speed that I'd recommend for any budding relationship: slow. She confided in me at the bar when she was nursing a beer. "Do you think it's too soon to talk to my fiancé about my kink?" That's what she called it. Her "fiancé," Dan, had not asked her what she liked doing. She was still working on the sex part of her sexuality and was trying to figure out her own definition of kink. I liked Jodie, but I didn't want to go there with her because I thought it was too soon. Her friends didn't mind and they kept giving her advice anyway. "Discuss it with him," they said. "We'll keep the pressure off you. If he's not into it, you need to find someone who is." They had all done the reverse scenario and didn't seem concerned with their fiancé's feelings. "But I'm afraid," Jodie said. "That if he isn't into it, he'll reject you?" I asked. "No. That he's into it, but I'm not." I was hesitant. "Have you discussed it with Dan?" I asked, trying to be helpful. "Not yet." "Have you ever mentioned it to him?" I continued. "No, but he always wants to know what I'm thinking." I was baffled. "That seems a little odd." "What's weird?" she asked. "He always wants to know what you're thinking and feeling. That's the point of marriage." "I know that," she said, and gave me a patronizing look. "I haven't even told you what my deal is." I was beginning to understand. She was too shy to tell her fiancé about her kink. "I'm too scared," she told me. "If he wasn't into it, I'd feel rejected." She had no clue how to tell him she wanted to eat his ass, have him piss in her face, or have her hair pulled and tugged. All these things Jodie said she wanted to do to him. She had no idea how to be kinky. If he was the first man she had ever had sex with, he was probably the first guy she had ever been kinky with. "So what should you do?" I asked. "I need some help," she said. "When do you do kinky stuff with your friends?" "It depends." "How about when your fiancé's not around?" "Usually," I said. "But he isn't going to be there all the time. We're going to need help figuring this out." Her friends gave her advice, but they weren't in a place to help her navigate a situation like this. For them, kink was just sex, so they didn't have to worry about emotions and feelings, or whether it was okay to do something that wasn't good for their marriage, or whether their partner liked it. I explained to Jodie that her fiancé would need to have an open mind and understand that kink wasn't a choice she was making for him. He might need some time to understand what she liked doing and what she wasn't into. After all, he probably didn't know her that well and didn't know much about her sexual preferences. She agreed with my assessment. "But you were ready to give it a try with us." I made eye contact with the other bridesmaids to emphasize the point. "Why not with your fiancé?" She sat silently for a few minutes, pondering my question, while she looked out the window at the city below. The sun was setting behind the buildings, painting the sides of each structure a beautiful golden color. The sky in this part of the world was often the same, in varying shades of blue. "I just don't know how to bring it up," she said. "But you can," I offered. "You're getting married in a few weeks." She smiled at the irony of that. "That's not the point," she said. "If I bring it up now and tell him to stop, he might get mad. If he gets mad, I'm not going to talk to him anymore." "Are you ready for that?" I asked. She nodded. "It's your relationship, Jodie. You can decide what happens with it. But if you feel pressured to tell him you like something he's not into, then don't. If he rejects you, at least he'll know you came clean." "You're right." She smiled, relieved that someone understood what she had been wanting to do all her life but was too shy to do. The bride is my best friend. Her name is Rachel and she's blond, like most of the bridesmaids. I've known her since she was five years old, when I met her outside our high school, eating a sandwich. She lived in Texas and was visiting her dad for the summer, having him take care of her younger brother. She never went to class during that week. We started dating when we were in high school. It was like dating any other girl. We saw each other every day and she wanted to be with me all the time, but since it was a small town I wasn't able to make her my girlfriend. Then I went away to college and ended up moving to another state to attend graduate school. It was hard to maintain our friendship without seeing each other every day, so we ended up drifting apart. It was like trying to have a relationship when you're on different sides of the world from each other. There was always an excuse for why we couldn't be together. Rachel graduated from her master's degree in kinesiology and joined the Army. She didn't want to be deployed so she got a job in the medical field, but a few months later she got pregnant and had to enlist. Her boyfriend knew she was a good mother to his baby and that it wasn't easy to be away from him when she was stationed in Germany. He was willing to make it work with her, even if it meant he had to join the Army. She had no trouble adjusting. She said, "I've always been in the Army. It's just different as a woman." When she got pregnant, she decided to retire before she got too old for her rank. I've known Rachel for more than ten years now, since before I left for college. She lives close to me. When she was pregnant with my best friend, she lived just down the street from me and my family. I know every bit of information about her—what she likes to do, who her friends are, and all her secrets. She's like a sister to me, even though I haven't had a sister. She was still living here when she was approached by the priest. She knew it was going to happen eventually, but she was surprised when he suggested they meet for coffee so they could discuss a possible engagement. "I'm not ready," she told him. "Well, I'm not ready either, but you have to make me a promise. If you come back in a few months and tell me you're ready for this, I won't try to change your mind." He seemed to be in control of everything in his life, but she knew he was nervous, too. It was unlike him to ask permission. "You have to promise," he added. "Why is it such a big deal?" she asked. "Can't we just meet up and tell each other what our relationship is like? It's not as if we don