Tiffany, you really should reconsider your life choices if you are
so incapable of having fun." "Mom, he's not incapable of having fun, he
just has a different way of having fun." "Ohh, is that so?" "Tiffany,
your boyfriend is the only one here who has no sense of humor." "It's
really funny, Mom." "Tiff, the way you treat your boyfriend is
inappropriate." "You mean my girlfriend." "Tiffany, you're really
confusing me today." "I'm sorry." "And not just with your life
choices, but also with my makeup choice of the day." "Mom, the only
decision you need to make is to use the product I'm selling today."
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom, I'm gonna wash my face, and I'm gonna
come back, and you are gonna be dead."
"Mom, when did you buy this CD?" "When do you think I bought it?" "Right
after I was born." "The fact that you are alive is a miracle." "Tiffany,
if you talk to me like that again, you will be on community service for
two weeks."
"Mom, you're an adult." "I am?" "Tiffany, you're not giving out any
information." "No one's looking for information, Mom, they're looking
for help." "Tiffany, I don't know anything about computers." "Mom, do
you remember how to plug in a printer?" "No." "Mom, when was the last
time you went to a doctor?" "I'm fine." "Mom, what's the last thing you
remember?" "Well, after I went to see the doctor, I went into my house
and made dinner." "Mom, that's the last thing I remember, too." "Tiffany,
are you all right?" "You want me to make a dinner that I'll never have
the opportunity to taste?" "You are not being very helpful." "Okay,
mom." "Tiffany, I would have been more helpful if you could have given
me a little more information." "If I knew what kind of information you
wanted, I would have been more helpful." "I'm sorry, Mom." "Tiffany, I
thought you weren't going to talk to me like that." "When did I say
that?" "Tiffany, you seem to think that you can get away with anything."
"Mom, who knows if I can get away with anything? Is anyone on this
board in the room right now?"
"Tiffany, you're going to get fired if you don't stop talking to me like
that." "Mom, the last thing I want is to get fired, especially when I
have a meeting tomorrow in a client's home." "Tiffany, why do you need
my address? Are you going to make a delivery?" "Mom, I think you're
missing the point of this discussion." "Tiffany, I am a nice person." "I
can tell. When did I say you weren't a nice person?" "How dare you,
Tiffany!"
"Mom, do you like your job?" "Tiffany, you will never understand why I
work for a man like yours." "I understand that I would do the same thing
in your shoes."
"Tiffany, where did you learn your language?" "Mom, I'm sorry if my
feminist attitude makes you uncomfortable." "Well, at least my being
attracted to you doesn't make you uncomfortable." "Tiffany, why are you
talking to your mother like that?" "Mom, I've been called worse things
than a faggot." "What is a faggot?" "Mom, don't worry, it's not
important."
"Mom, what the hell are you doing?" "Tiffany, you're just going to have
to trust me and do exactly what I say." "Mom, can we take a break?"
"No."
"Mom, what is this?" "That is the most disgusting thing I have ever
seen." "I've got to go." "Tiffany, you're still on the phone."
"Well, I'm sorry, my job is more important than you." "Mom, my life is
important, too." "Tiffany, you should go to bed." "I'll take care of
this." "Are you sure?" "I'm positive, Mom."
"I'll make sure you get back home okay." "Mom, I don't want you to
worry about me." "Tiffany, I've never worried about you in my life." "I'm
not really worried about me." "Don't worry, I'll get you home safely." "I
really don't like you."
"Tiffany, come over here." "Mom, what is the matter with you?" "Do you
remember that cute guy I was telling you about?" "Mom, I'd like to
finish my conversation with him, if you don't mind." "Well, then he
must be important to you, because you're so rude." "I'm sorry, Mom."
"Tiffany, why are you talking to me like this?" "Mom, I really like
you, but I don't know if you're the kind of person who gets it." "Like
what?" "The idea of how we live, our relationship, our feelings."
"What does this have to do with your life?" "Nothing." "Tiffany,
I'll have to confiscate your phone if I hear you doing drugs, or selling
drugs, or doing anything illegal or immoral, because I will be sure to
report you to the authorities." "Mom, I'm not going to sell drugs." "Are
you sure?" "Mom, there are some things I have no control over, and I'm
sure you're aware of that." "Tiffany, what makes you think your life
choices can't be a choice?" "Mom, I can't explain it. You just have to
trust me on this." "I can't believe you're on your mother's side." "What
happened?"
"Tiffany, I don't know why you always make me so angry." "Mom, I
don't know why you make me so angry, either." "Tiffany, why do you make
me so angry?" "Mom, you're making me so angry because you have no
understanding of me." "Tiffany, what makes you think you know
everything about me?" "Mom, because I am you." "That's not true." "Oh,
come on, Mom, you say it all the time." "And what makes you think you
are me?" "Mom, because I am you." "No, you're not." "What am I supposed
to be, then?" "Well, you have the same eyes." "Your heart is the same
size." "We have the same laugh." "It sounds like my voice, but I just
want you to know that I am not myself. You have to forgive me for
treating you badly, Mom." "If you don't shut up and listen to me, I'm
gonna kill you." "Mom, you should know that I'm on your side." "I don't
have a side." "Mom, come here." "Please, Mom, I'm serious." "If you
don't get over here, I will never talk to you again." "I will come over
if you let me use your bathroom." "Mom, please." "Tiffany, I will never
talk to you again." "Mom, I don't want to talk, I just need you to let
me pee." "Mom, you do not use my words to talk back to me." "Now, you're
talking back to me." "Mom, I don't want to, but I will if I have to."
"Tiffany, don't you dare call me a filthy mother." "Mom, I have called
you worse things than that, trust me." "Tiffany, how could you let me
do this?" "You let me do this, Mom." "Are you just saying that?" "Mom,
I am not in the room with you." "Mom, I'm not listening to you." "Tiffany,
why are you speaking in rhymes all of the sudden?" "I don't know." "Now
you're mocking me." "It is your fault, Mom." "Tiffany, I can't believe
you made me say that." "Mom, I've got this." "Tiffany, I am so ashamed
of you right now." "You should be." "Mom, I'm out of here." "Tiffany, I
am so angry right now." "Why are you still up?" "I was too angry to go
to bed." "Are you not going to
