Tiffany, you really should reconsider your life choices if you are looking for happiness." "I didn't take your advice last time either, but I don't feel bad about it, and I don't think you should feel bad about it." "I don't feel bad about it." "Okay. The reason I was upset last time was because I feel you don't take my advice. And if you don't take my advice, how can I teach you to be happy?" "Well, that's up to you." "I don't think you understand how deeply unhappy I am. I'm not upset about not taking your advice. I'm upset about all the other stupid decisions I've made in my life that led me to this miserable state." "What do you mean?" "I mean, when I was a kid I was taught that happiness comes from being a good person. But all the things I did when I was growing up like cheat on tests, sneak around and break rules, I did all these things because I thought they would make me happy. And look at me. I'm still not happy, I'm just not unhappy all the time. I mean, at least when I was a kid, I thought there was an easier way." "I'm sure you could write a very long list of mistakes that we both made growing up and you would be right, but you can't change what's happened in the past. The past doesn't matter, but our mistakes do. We all make mistakes and the only way we can be happy is if we understand that the past doesn't matter." "I don't think I can ever be happy with what I've done." "I don't think anybody can be happy with what they've done. But in order to change how you feel about what you've done, you have to face up to the fact that you've made mistakes and you've hurt people." "Yeah, but how can I forgive myself?" "I think the only way you can forgive yourself is to let go of the hate. Because you didn't mean to do something bad to someone. You just did something stupid." "I never meant to hurt the people who I hurt." "So let go of the hate. What you need to do is forgive yourself." "I can't forgive myself." "Okay. It's going to be hard, but if you don't forgive yourself, you'll never forgive anybody else. You're the only one who can forgive you." "Maybe. I don't know." "So what do you think?" "I'm going to give it some thought." "We have to face up to a lot of things in life. Just because something is hard doesn't mean we should forget about it or not try. You never know, sometimes things that seem impossible can become very clear. For example, it may turn out that all your problems are not happenstance and the universe is trying to help you. It may turn out that you are supposed to teach people the mistakes you have made, so that they can avoid making the same mistakes. Whatever happens, you have to stick with it. If you forgive yourself and never make the same mistakes again, then you won't hurt anybody else." "If I can forgive myself, maybe I can forgive you." "I always get blamed when I did nothing wrong." "So, what's your excuse?" "I was trying to protect you." "You did protect me, and you did what I asked you to do. When I needed you to stop, you stopped. Now, how do you think that made me feel?" "You made me feel like I didn't matter." "No, you made me feel like I was dumb." "I did the best I could." "Yeah, I think you did the best you could, and maybe next time, you can try harder." "How did you know what to do?" "Because I had to learn how. And I will always make mistakes, but it's not a mistake to learn how to do what needs to be done. Sometimes you need to be hurt to learn how not to be hurt. And maybe you're the person I'm supposed to teach. I don't know." "Well, I guess I'm going to have to face up to my mistakes, one at a time." "Of course, that's all anybody can do." "Okay." "I don't feel better yet." "You will." "I feel like it's going to take a long time." "Well, it may take a long time, but it will help to talk about it. Talk about what you're feeling. And I think we all need to be really careful about how we feel. We all need to learn how to protect ourselves from not doing what we really want to do because it's going to make us really unhappy." "Yeah, you're right. You need to learn not to take your feelings to seriously, because that will only lead you to be selfish." "And the next time I make a mistake, I'm going to have to do it again because you're right. If you learn how to do it, then you can do it again, and if you learn how not to do it, you can do it again. You can only learn from your mistakes." "Yeah. That's why when you learn to do something, it's very important to have a safe place to make mistakes. If you don't, you don't learn how to do anything." "And that's true. Just thinking about it now, I don't feel any different. I feel a lot of scared right now. And I think I need to learn not to be scared. Because I can't grow up if I don't learn how not to be scared." "Well, that's a good point. You can't teach yourself not to be scared." "You can't." "No, you can't. But you can learn how to not be scared. So you can go to the therapist, and you can tell her about all of this, and she can tell you about all of these things, and hopefully, it will help." "Maybe you're right. I don't know." "I know." "Then you can help me." "I will." "Okay." "Maybe we can talk about it more tomorrow. But first, I have to call your mother and tell her about what I did to you." "What did I do to you?" "You made me scared, and you made me mad." "Well, I guess I could tell her that, and I guess I can talk to you about why." "No, that's okay. We're going to forget about what you did." "You're going to call me tomorrow? Really?" "I am. And I really am going to make sure that you feel a lot better about everything. So, we can both go to sleep feeling a lot better about ourselves. Okay?" "Okay. I'm glad we talked." "Me too. Good night." "Good night." "Good night." * * * * "Did she do anything good today?" "Yeah, she went outside with her daddy." "And what did she do?" "She made a flower out of paper, and it made a big smoke." "Well, she didn't do anything wrong." "Did you know that she was having a trouble sleeping last night." "Yeah, but she hasn't told me what happened, and she's going to tell me first thing tomorrow morning." "Well, maybe you should talk to her about what happened." "But if I have to wait until tomorrow to talk to her, I would think that it would be good to talk to her now." "Yeah, I think so too." "Okay. I'm just going to tell her now that I want to talk about this, so we can get it over with." "Okay." "Hey, Tiffany." "What." "I want to talk about what happened last night. I want to talk to you about last night." "You do?" "Yeah. I need to talk to you about what happened last night." "Okay. So, you are still mad." "Yes, I am. So, let's talk about it." "Okay. I don't want to be angry. But I need to say something first." "What." "When you ask me to say something, and then when you say it, I have to do it. I have to say it. But last night, I couldn't say it. And I didn't want to say it, but you made me say it. And I didn't want to