Tiffany, you really should reconsider your life choices if you are spending so much time at the gym," she wrote. "When I am away, I am away, but I always make time for myself. Please re-examine your priorities and how they make you a good wife and mother." You've got to be kidding me...I responded right away, "Not gonna happen. Don't worry about me! You and mom both know that I'm completely devoted to you two. I have been for 22 years, and I'm not going anywhere. However, I do have a life of my own, and I do sometimes have girlfriends over." Okay, so she knew that I'd been dating. It happens. And what do you know, right after I responded that email, I ran into a girlfriend from the past (very brief and sporadic). She was a little surprised, and commented that I seemed to have gotten my life back. So I have to say that, actually, I am seeing someone I kind of like, and we have a relationship that is probably more than platonic. I know that we're not going to be a couple, but I think we can be good friends. In fact, after spending a day with her, I found myself making a list of ways that she's remarkably like my ex. I am determined to get back into the dating swing of things. I also want to live, eventually, a more single, independent life. But I don't want to have to try too hard, and I don't want to be too "ready." Maybe I need to work on my game? I don't want to waste my time though...all of this will just mean another date, or breakup, if nothing else. Oh, by the way, I am having a wonderful time hanging out with the kids. I actually haven't just been visiting them. We hang out at home, too, and have been having a lot of fun getting the house cleaned and ready for the new school year. Oh, I asked my dad about the ex-boyfriend's new wife. And it turns out that she's much younger than we were, and that she had the hots for him, even though he was married, and I think that my ex might still have had them for her. How pathetic. What a bitch...but oh well. I hope you all had a great weekend! Love, Antoinette *** I went to the gym after work today, and talked to the women's group leader about going to the Fitness Exchange to get in better shape. She said that I should bring my friend Kana, since she doesn't go there too often. It was so nice to be at the gym with other women, and I think it's going to help a great deal. I haven't been there for about a month because of some things that came up at work, and as much as I try, there's really no excuse for me not to go back. You know, when I was at the gym, I got a phone call from my friend "P," and she told me that one of my girlfriends (we haven't seen each other in like five years) was driving to LA and would call me on her way. I got this e-mail from her yesterday, and I think that we are going to be great friends. Antoinette, you really had to be my own personal trainer. I've gained about 15 pounds in two weeks. I'm really glad that I am happy with the weight that I've lost. The scale doesn't mean anything...especially not when you look in the mirror. Okay, so I got three messages from you all this evening, all of them saying the same thing...you're not writing to me. What the hell... Anyway, I have to run and pick up some medicine for my mom, so have a great night. Love, Antoinette *** Babe, I don't think I can give you the same advice I gave before. You know the stuff about being more independent and whatnot. I also don't think you're ready for love, and don't think you need it. It's no good to live your life waiting for something, you know? I think you need to date around a little more, and become a little more independent and strong, so that you're not so dependent on a relationship. I also don't think you're at your right place in life to give love. When you know what you want in life, you might be able to be a better lover, I guess. But for right now, just do the things you're doing, and keep living life to the fullest. You're a nice person, Antoinette, and a lot of the time I think you're really aware of what is happening in your life. It's just that you're confused a lot, I think. And you're not being yourself. I care about you, I really do. It's not a secret. You know that. And I just wish that you would take this moment to think for yourself and to become a stronger person, not just for me, but for yourself. Lots of love, Dee *** Hey Ant, Hey, can you do me a favor? Please call me. I really need to hear your voice tonight. I miss you so much, baby. I just had a great conversation with a friend, and I really needed someone to listen to me. I have a lot of things I need to talk to you about. Love you, talk to you later. Antoinette *** Okay, so I guess the summer went by really fast. I haven't had time to write to you all in a while...there are so many things to talk about that I don't know where to start. First of all, I started a job! I've been working on the "Polar Express" doing set-up and teardown for a couple of days a week, as well as being a ticket taker. I really don't make a ton of money, and the work is definitely hard, but I'm a lot better about my diet now, and I've lost about 5 pounds since I started. They told me that I have to go to a physical tomorrow, because of back problems I have, because I am the heaviest person on the crew. I told them I don't think I'd be able to fit into the one piece of clothing that they gave me, so I'll call and ask to get some more clothes. Speaking of clothes, let me tell you that I love Victoria's Secret. I got a pair of new panties and a bra there yesterday. The underwear is great, but the bras have no band. I don't know if you know this, but that's not a good thing if you're big-chested. And I love Victoria's Secret. Do you ever go there with Dee? Anyway, these are probably the only good things that I have to report. I will be going to a birthday party with a bunch of my friends on Saturday (after this e-mail). It's either your birthday or sister's. We are going to eat at this restaurant with an all-you-can-eat salad bar, so I will give you a quick update then. I am really getting into the spirit of school. I have a bunch of friends now, and I'm going out a lot. We are organizing a "school night" thing, which means staying out later and going to movies and eating dinner, and generally having a good time. Love you, Antoinette *** I haven't written lately, since I've been working a lot, but school is starting in a couple of weeks, and I have a lot of homework. The summer went by really fast for me. I got a job on the Polar Express working as a ticket taker. I have to stay at work until at least midnight, and there is no bathroom, so it's not an easy job. I've been gaining weight a lot lately, so I've been trying to stay away from eating as much junk food. I do that most