Tiffany, you really should reconsider your life choices if you are looking for a father figure," Mom said sternly. "And besides, I'm sure this has absolutely nothing to do with your upcoming nuptials." Tiff was about to say something snappy back when the cell phone interrupted with the familiar tinny "Pop up a Squirt" sound that all smart phones do. But this one wasn't a standard phone. The caller identity box said "I am Mr. Big"; and it was sitting on a black velour lap. The phone was attached to a long velvety sleeve and had a little pink felt heart at the bottom that said "I love you. Tiffy." In the corner was a picture of a big red rose, and the velvety sleeve was decorated with hundreds of tiny pink and yellow flowers. "Oh my gosh!" Tiff said as she looked down at the phone. "He's brought me a heart. Is he trying to tell me something?" She bent over and studied the heart more closely, and it all became clear. "Oh my gosh! It's not a real heart! It's a stethoscope! Who would bring me a stethoscope? Why?" "I was sure you would know, child." Said Mom in a teasing voice. "Dad, I don't know what to do." "Just do what any good loving wife would do," Dad teased. "Just get him on the table." "Dad! I'm sorry, but I think that's one thing I never wanted to happen!" "Okay, then just put it on the bed," Dad countered. "But, oh, geez, Dad!" Tiff ran into the bedroom and brought out an extra, flat bed she had lying around somewhere, brought it into the kitchen, then dropped onto it dramatically. "Okay, Dad, get ready!" she said to the doctor. "Wait!" Dad's voice boomed loudly from the bedroom. "You two are talking about me!" "Okay, okay," Mom called back as she walked into the kitchen. "Go ahead." "Well," Tiff started, "I've been trying to make an appointment with Dr. M for months now, but my mother wouldn't let me go and there are no openings for an older teen at my local clinic." "No wonder." Mom said. "The pediatrics department will have to be closed in three years. Too bad, so sad. A clinic needs the income." "A stethoscope!" Mom remembered with sudden insight. "Of course! You are too old for pediatrics! The stethoscopes must mean that he is wanting you to get an ob-gyn exam. That's how the stethoscope usually works." "So I guess that means I should talk to my dad about doing ob-gyn." Tiff said. "Wait a minute!" Mom said. "Why are you talking about ob-gyn? You're not planning to have sex, are you?" "No!" Tiff said, horrified. "I just want to have a doctor's examinations so I can find out if I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing," she added quietly. "You know what they say. No sex, no fun. Right, Dad?" "Huh?" Dad said. "I was gone for most of the conversation." "Anyway, what we need to do now is get her an ob-gyn. We'll have to go to St. Ives to see Dr. Uta." "What?" Mom asked. "An ob-gyn?" "Yes." Tiff replied. "Because my parents refuse to spend any of the extra money in the budget on me unless they think I'm preparing for kids, she's offering to do it for cheap." "Oh, no! Not you! Oh!" Mom wailed. "Not you! You're so pretty! You're going to kill your dad. Did he go to see the doctor?" "No." Tiff said. "He has the flu. He should be back tomorrow." "Then your mom can go!" Mom said happily. "I want to spend the day with my girl." "Can we?" Tiff asked, almost inaudibly. "All you have to do is eat an unopened can of green beans. I swear there isn't any fun stuff in them." "I'm not eating them!" Tiff said. "Why would I? You eat them! You swallow them!" "Not really." Mom admitted. "I only eat them because I'm afraid I'll get the flu if I don't eat them, and I have to eat them or you'll get mad at me. But you don't have to eat them if you don't want to." "Good! Let's go!" Tiff said excitedly. "Dr. M is going to give me an ob-gyn!" ................................................................................ A friend will lend you a CD. A girlfriend will help you move. A wife will cry with you. A mother will laugh with you. The Bible tells us to pray without ceasing. How do we know when we ought to stop praying? When we have used up all the words in the dictionary! (Attributed to David Brainerd, missionary to the Native Americans) ................................................................................ Some say the devil's in the details. Details are what keep us from perfect love. (Sally Bolt, in her diary) ................................................................................ Sailors are always looking for constellations, and sailors always remember how to get home. (Gloria Steinem) ................................................................................ And in the deepest, darkest, most remote and secret part of my heart, I believe in love. (Anne Rice) ................................................................................ I love life and toast it, love death and toast it, love nature and toast it. (William Blake) ................................................................................ A family is a gift you give yourself. (Margaret Atwood) ................................................................................ I cannot imagine a god who rewards and punishes. It's mayhem. (Anne Lamott) ................................................................................ I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know: the beloved grows in strength inside you, and you will bring this love to light in the dark. (Maya Angelou, "Four Strong Women," The Greatest Speeches of All Time) ................................................................................ We must grow up and acknowledge that life is more than eating, more than wearing. (Margaret Mead) ................................................................................ You can't love someone the way they need to be loved, and treat them the way they need to be treated. (Joan Walsh) ................................................................................ Life is like a little love song, Life is what you make it. Life is like a little love song, Life is what you make it. Take the world and give it color, Take a lover and give her wings. Take a family and give them laughter, Take a friend and give her a treasure. Dust in the wind, Hold on, hold on, Hold on tight. (Stephen Sondheim) ................................................................................ Love is giving to someone else the only meaning that you find in life. (D. H. Lawrence) ................................................................................ I believe in God as I believe the sun has risen, not only because I see it, but by it I see everything else. (Henry David Thoreau) ................................................................................ I believe in God as I believe in the sun, not only because I see it, but by it I see everything else. (Thomas Carlyle) ................................................................................ I know what God is, and He doesn't exist. God is that part of yourself that wants to make love, not war. (John Lennon) ................................................................................ I've learned that when I pray I don't have to start by saying "Dear God, please help me." Instead, I can begin with "Dear Universe," and see what happens. (Anne Lamott) ................................................................................ A single sunbeam can travel to the earth in seven seconds. It takes 60,000 miles of land to make a mile of ocean. (James Grippando, American Express ad) ................................................................................ When somebody thinks of suicide, there's always an "if" statement: "If he were xxxxxxx, then maybe he would not feel yyyyyyyy." (Billy Colt) ................................................................................ We are not here to make up the record. We are here to set it right.