I just don’t get it. How could anyone possibly find the “LGBT Community” offensive? Who are they and what has that got to do with me? This is why I’ve taken a hardline stance when I come across people who want me to accept their way of life, who try to redefine words and labels such as, gay, bisexual or transexual into a positive way. Such individuals only want me to accept them and not accept their own behaviour. No I can’t, not because I’m a homophobic bigot but because it’s stupid. “Well it’s wrong to be gay and you shouldn’t be offended, it’s not your problem.” Ok fine, but that isn’t going to stop people thinking it’s a good idea to be gay. It is a good idea, but you can’t stop people trying it if they want to. The fact I think it’s a good idea doesn’t make it any less stupid. A word for those who want to redefine the word gay. That word doesn’t belong to you. The gay community is a community and I’m not talking about your community, I’m talking about the whole community. Whether you want to believe it or not this includes gay people who oppose homosexuality. That group of people is sometimes called “queer” or “fag” or “queerphile” or the ever popular (and derogatory) “gay”. You like, what, 2 or 3 word phrases? Why do you even need those? You don’t see the word “girl” as being redefined because someone in a community came along and decided it wasn’t offensive to call a woman a girl. Well as far as I know at least. Gay and straight, no matter how you’d like to spin it, aren’t simply two sides of the same coin. I will not be forced to tolerate your desire to join my community. All it does is remind me of the time you tried to convince me that being gay is no different to being straight. “But you know me and you’re not scared of me.” No, no I am, and I never said I wasn’t. In any event if it were that simple I would have a gay son. Now, the reason that I know for certain is that you only want me to accept your sexuality but you won’t accept mine. I think if I asked why you want to be gay it might help me understand a little more about you. “Well it’s not you, it’s me” That would be the exact response if someone had asked me why I wanted to be straight. If I asked why it’s not right to be homophobic, I guarantee I’d hear the exact same response as well. Ok, what I’m trying to say is you can’t have it both ways. That’s the whole point. You say the fact I can’t accept gay people being gay is homophobic. But you don’t accept them being gay. If you could accept gay people as being gay, then you wouldn’t be offended. It would be like, I don’t know, a boy liking a boy. The fact that they’re both boys is totally irrelevant. In a way you can say that if you can’t accept them being gay because they are a boy, or a girl. Which ever the case may be. Just as you can’t accept the fact they like boys because they’re boys. But it makes no difference. Do I have the right to be offended? I will choose my words carefully. Don’t you see what’s wrong with my original statement? Where does it start and where does it end? You can say it’s homophobic and that’s your opinion but it has no bearing on my right to be offended. If that’s the case, then why is it such a big deal when I take offence? You say you don’t understand why I feel that way. But how could I possibly tell you? How do you know what homophobia actually is? How do you know when someone is being homophobic? When someone is simply reacting in a way that is appropriate for their personal preference. I am not homophobic. I accept gay people and the gay community as being part of my community. But that doesn’t mean I have to tolerate homophobic behaviour. You don’t believe there’s a difference between being homosexual and being gay. Do you? Look at these examples: – “I’m not gay but if I was a gay guy I would totally be so lucky, because I’d have a beautiful man like you.” – “That’s not a good look on you but in my opinion the fact that you’re gay makes you more attractive.” – “Why can’t they leave it like that. It’s not gay or straight. Why does it matter? If it doesn’t affect you then why does it affect them? Why should I even care what you think? Why does it matter? They are who they are.” – “It’s a woman’s job to tell a man how she feels. Not the other way around.” If you can’t tell the difference then let me show you how much of a difference there is. The difference between being homosexual and being gay: Homosexual: It has nothing to do with being gay. You are either homosexual or you’re not. There are no degrees of homosexuality. Homosexual is used to describe someone who identifies as either gay or lesbian. However in other contexts it is used to mean “same-sex” in a general sense. Gay: One definition of gay is a man who is homosexual. Again, there are no degrees of gayness. Gay describes a man who is gay or who identifies as gay. So where does it end? The word gay isn’t being redefined, homosexual is. It doesn’t mean “gay” any more. Now if it did, it would be an offensive term because it wouldn’t mean anything. But since it only means something to those people who are gay, then to everyone else it doesn’t mean a thing. To call someone a gay is to call them a homosexual. You say homosexual is offensive but that’s the same as me saying fag is offensive. You have a problem with it because you think it’s a bad word but do you have the same problem with calling someone a woman? No, that’s an offensive term and you won’t think twice about using it. Are you suggesting there’s no difference? There is a difference, a big difference. But you won’t accept that difference and you won’t accept that you’re a homophobe. If it makes you feel better, then you are. Just because someone has the same opinion as you doesn’t make them gay. Just because someone has the same opinion as you doesn’t make them a homophobe. You have no right to say I am, because it’s stupid and because it’s arrogant and because it’s offensive. Do you really believe that just because someone doesn’t want to be forced to accept gay people as gay that they must be homophobic? No matter how many times I tell you that I find you offensive I’m still going to say that what you do is homophobic, because I can’t accept the fact you think gay people shouldn’t have the right to exist. Homophobic: Homophobia has nothing to do with being gay. It is not a bad word, it is an appropriate word. Homophobia refers to being afraid of the homosexual. The word homophobia comes from two Greek words; “homo” which means “same” and “phobia” which means “fear”. Someone who is homophobic is afraid of homosexuals or being labelled homosexual. To be afraid of something means you fear it or you believe it to be harmful. There is nothing offensive about being homophobic. Homophobia is an appropriate description of a particular point of view. You can’t call someone homophobic if they are not homophobic because they wouldn’t recognise that description of themselves. There is a difference between people who have a problem with gay people and people who have a problem with homosexuality. These two groups of people should not be confused. They should be treated as two separate entities. Anyone can be homophobic, but there are degrees of homophobia. People who only have a problem with being gay don’t mind gay people because they’re not gay. The fact they have a problem with homosexuality in general is called heterophobia. They have no problem with gay people as long as they are straight. Homophobia on the other hand is a fear of something. You are afraid of being called gay, which makes sense, because it’s a negative label and you don’t want to be thought of in a negative way. When you get offended it’s a defensive reaction against something that you don’t agree with and the fact that you find it offensive is because you can’t accept it. I can relate to being homophobic and having problems with it. I don’t see myself as having any particular problem with homosexuality, even though the word itself makes me angry. But I have problems with being labelled a homophobe, because I don