Million Dollar Nightmare For the Million Dollar Nightmare (or Million Dollar Dream), P&G asked participants to imagine that they had been given $1 million to spend on anything their hearts desired. They could use that money however they wished—pay off debt, donate to their favorite charity, buy any home they wanted, or spend it on indulgent things. This exercise was intended to give participants the opportunity to imagine a life with excess. At the end of the study, each person was given a survey to indicate how many of their fantasies had been realized. Overall, 63 percent had put their windfall toward making a positive difference in the world, while 27 percent used the windfall to increase their standard of living. A further 7 percent gave money away to charities. The experiment also found that when participants were given an opportunity to buy themselves something extra like a vacation or a new pair of shoes, they tended to choose the less self-indulgent items. In other words, they wanted to ensure that they had a sense of self-worth in addition to the material goods they owned. And, the survey results were based on participants’ memories. When people had actually received the $1 million windfall and experienced the joy of buying things they were excited about, 87 percent of participants remembered deciding to use the money to make a positive difference in the world. Just 3 percent bought things to make them feel good. As with the million dollar experiment, participants in the new study were then asked to imagine receiving a windfall. This time, however, the windfall came from people they’d heard about. Some people were told that the windfall came from a complete stranger, while others were told the windfall came from their parents or a close friend. The results showed that when people imagined a windfall coming from someone else, they were more likely to share the windfall with those in need and more likely to make charitable contributions. However, when they imagined the windfall coming from themselves, their actions were guided by self-interest. The study found that even when someone had no interest in contributing to the world, a sense of self-worth is what prevented them from hoarding the windfall. This research suggests that even something as harmless as asking someone to imagine receiving a windfall can help them to make meaningful, considerate decisions. At the same time, however, it’s important to acknowledge that this is one small experiment that’s just one part of a bigger process. In terms of trying to understand someone’s true motives, it’s always best to do your research. Try to get to know a person before asking them for their help. And be mindful that the results of your own actions may be completely different from what you expect. How to Build Trust When It’s Hard to Know What Other People Think We live in a world of uncertainty. We might wonder whether the person we are asking for help will actually help us. We might wonder if they will actually be there when we need them. We might fear what people are thinking about our current situation. Our answers to these questions can determine how trustworthy we are perceived as being. This uncertainty can be especially hard when it comes to trusting others when the relationship is important, like asking for a job, applying for a loan, seeking employment, or even attending church. The problem with uncertainty is that it can make us feel anxious, insecure, and unsure of ourselves. But it doesn’t have to do that! Understanding why other people act as they do, and knowing when trust is the right thing to do is a powerful thing. While there’s no perfect way to handle all situations, learning to ask yourself the questions that this article will help you ask can certainly help you start building a closer relationship with someone. What Do I Want From This Relationship? At the heart of trust, in every aspect of our lives, is a need for someone to be able to count on us. In these moments, if you want to get something from a person, you first have to get them to trust you. It makes sense that we trust the people who are more likely to help us when we are asking for something. For example, research shows that if a potential employer likes you, or trusts you, they will be more likely to give you a chance. In the same way, if you’re interested in dating a person, but they aren’t ready to start dating, you probably need to work at getting them interested in you. One approach to trying to convince someone to give you a chance is by taking some of their time, care, or effort and promising them that it will be rewarded. Research on our relationships with dogs shows that the more a pet likes us, the more they will show us by responding to our commands. In situations like these, you’re asking someone to take your trust and put it in return. It’s hard to make these sorts of requests. When you start feeling like you are putting someone’s trust in your hands, you might be tempted to treat them as though they aren’t important. When you feel uncertain about the relationship, you may try to push it aside or put it on the back burner. Instead of this approach, asking yourself these questions can help make sure that what you are asking for is the right thing to do. While the answers you get may change how you approach the problem, it will be much easier for you to make the right decision when you know what’s important to you. Why Am I Wanting This from this Person? When you are in doubt about someone else, it can be helpful to work toward understanding why you want to start a new relationship with them. This can help you figure out what kind of treatment you want to receive. Do you want them to have a positive opinion of you or do you want them to like and respect you? In this way, the way that you ask can be a significant part of your connection. The way that you ask can help build or break trust. These questions help you develop a more in-depth understanding of why you need them to be happy with your decision, which can help you make sure that you get your answer. For example, if your friends don’t like the idea that you’re going to church but they still want to be your friends, you can ask them why they don’t like it. You can ask them why the idea is important to them or why they think it’s so important for you to go. If they have thoughtful and good answers, you can tell them how important