And, as I know perfectly well, if you had to deal with the consequences of one of these deaths, you would feel just as helpless and unhappy." But, with a shrug, he said, "I suppose you have a point." "Anyway," I continued, "if you don't want to deal with this, you don't have to." I gave a shrug. "I know it's an inconvenience for me, but I'm prepared to take the fall for doing this." "No, no," Fawne insisted. "There's no reason to go after my daughter. It was nothing but a prank." "I know, but what is done is done. A prank is bad enough, but for that prank to have been committed by someone who may have meant her harm is a hundred times worse." I put my hands up in the air. "If I'm the only one who knows what happened, then I should be the one who takes the consequences." Fawne seemed torn. "I don't like it. But, as you say, if this is all I'm ever going to see of the girl, I should at least know that I did all I could to protect her." "You did all you could to protect her." Fawne gave a nod of affirmation. I couldn't help but smile. I was no match for her—she was way better than me at making me feel better. As for the truth, I'd never really give it a try. I might be able to fake it. But I'd never get it. And that's why there was no way in hell I was going to go to the council for anything. Why would I do that? How stupid would I look then? They'd never let me forget it. But this was going to change my whole life and for that, I was forever thankful to Fawne. My whole life was about to change. "I didn't know there was so much to it, to worry about a simple prank." I felt like I'd been holding my breath for the last few days. "Can you promise me that no matter what happens, I'm still safe?" Fawne nodded. "I promise. We won't forget this—not ever." I smiled. Fawne had been like a second mother to me. Her voice was low and reassuring. Fiercely protective. Fawne would protect me from anything, just as her son had. "Thank you," I said as she walked out. As soon as she was gone, I knew something wasn't right. It was too quiet in the room, and I felt a strange vibe in the air, like somebody had walked in on the middle of an argument. I was so consumed with wondering what the hell was happening that I didn't pay any attention to the odd sounds coming from the other side of the door. Someone was trying to open it from the other side. At first, I thought I was imagining it, but the sound of the door rattling made it obvious that someone was trying to get in. Then a chair creaked, someone took a step forward, and I finally saw the dark silhouette that was Fawne. She was holding her own son in her arms. "I was beginning to think you had taken my son and run off, but I see it was another one of your pranks." Fawne shrugged. "I wasn't trying to run off." She held the boy out to me and let go. At first, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. He was standing right in front of me, his face, looking even more solemn than usual. Maybe he was still hurting. Maybe he didn't understand why he wasn't allowed to be with me. Maybe he was still crying. If I had the whole night to spend with him, I could make him feel better. I knew it. I could. Maybe I could even make it up to him for having to leave him here like this. But right then, as his lips parted, letting out a deep sigh, making a sound that sounded like he was saying "I missed you," I realized I was the one who had been the fool. I was the one who had made him cry. I was the one who had caused him to miss me and not just be able to see me, but talk to me and hold my hand. And just like that, my throat tightened and my eyes filled with tears. Tears of joy and pain, of sadness and emptiness. And then I heard Fawne telling her son, "I will be back, love. I will be back very soon." She said it to her son. But of course she had to say it. I was alone. I didn't even have a voice to hear how much I was hurting, so Fawne had to pick up where I left off. She had to show me how much she cared about me. How much she loved me. She had to be my voice. As much as I wanted to be a part of all of that, I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to talk, because my feelings would just come right out, and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to stop crying. It was only after Fawne left with her son, after my sobs had died down, that the realization hit me. I loved him. I always would. She said something earlier that day—that the gods brought people together in ways we couldn't understand. The only reason why she hadn't stayed with me was because it wasn't meant to be. Fawne had loved me too much, and there was nothing I could do to deserve her love. The council would never let me see his face. They'd never tell me where he was. And they'd never forgive me. And I realized that if I ever went back to them, I'd have to move on. The last thing I needed to do was go back to them, because I wouldn't be welcome in the future. There was no place for me in their lives. They had to understand that I was with Fawne because we had spent so much time together that it had become more than a friendship. It was more than that. It was like we were meant for each other. And even though she didn't love me like she did with her son, what she had done for me in the past would never be forgotten. I decided that, for the first time in my life, I would make a decision that would hurt no one. # CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN AS I WAS WATCHING the sky change, waiting for the stars to come out, it hit me. This was what Fawne was trying to tell me before she left, right before I was knocked out. She loved me, but she loved her son more. But here's the thing—the only difference between the two of us was my race, and I was just going to have to deal with it. I had no other choice. That night was the first night of camp, and the next morning, after the morning ceremony, Fawne didn't come over to where I was supposed to be waiting for her. I was starting to get really angry. She wasn't waiting for me in the mess hall when the morning meal started. I didn't see her when I went to fetch her, and she wasn't there when I went to pick out horses. She was nowhere in sight. I was getting really frustrated, and that's when I noticed her walking through the mess hall. Then I got really mad. "Fawne, you're not supposed to come to the meal without me." "I know." "So where the hell have you been?" "I've been looking for you." "Why didn't you tell me that you were coming for me?" "I just did." She had a strange smile on her face. I felt like she was being incredibly smug, but I decided to ignore it. "When did you know I would be here?" "The same time I knew you would be here." She said it as if she was saying something obvious. "Fawne, I know when you come up with a plan, and I can always tell when you're making something up, but I know you're doing this for me, not because you want to screw with me." I had never had a doubt about that. "Well, this is one time where I didn't do my job." She was just smiling and smirking at me. "I know. Do you want me to take you back?" I shook my head. "No." "Then come with me." "Where?" "We're going to see your godmother." I shrugged and walked with her through the mess hall. "It looks like Fawne and Cormac are getting along." "They've been close all their lives." As much as she was smiling at me, I could tell she didn't approve of me seeing him. She knew he was there, but for whatever reason, he wasn't ever allowed out of his tent. They always talked on the radio, and he never saw anybody. I would always hope that he would come to see me, but he never did. When he did, it was just to say his good