There are teen moms in your backyard who are desperate for love to walk into their cafeterias, their doctor's appointments, their homes ... their lives. We can't just lock them up and toss away the key because they're pregnant.
"I have children ages 5 and 8. My daughter is 13. What can you tell me about my situation?"
There's nothing I can tell you, but let's look at your situation:
You're a parent of a high school age child.
That means you are probably a single mom or your ex is a deadbeat. Maybe both.
If you have kids at home, you're either in school or work.
If you're in school, you need to take night classes.
If you're in work, you need to work nights.
You are not a single mother. You just have a really difficult ex.
You need to rethink having a baby as a teen. You're putting the welfare of a child and child care burden on your mom, your grandparents, your church, your teachers, your dad, the Department of Social Services, yourself. And you're putting a lot of pressure on your child, who, by the way, has no idea how to raise a baby.
What makes you think that there is a perfect mother out there just waiting to scoop you up and take over this time?
The answer is: not enough.
Most mothers are too busy taking care of their kids to pick up more than one kid.
Even if you have a friend who is a stay at home mom, she can't take care of all of you at the same time, and she needs time to take care of her own baby.
And since you're going to spend some time in court over this, let me tell you this: if you think you can hire a baby sitter and make room in your life for a baby, please, please do it. It's easier than doing this alone, not only because it's hard enough to get by with just your income, but because your baby's life is your first priority, not worrying about how you are going to manage without a baby sitter.
There are hundreds of mothers who would kill to be in your place. A few of them, who know how hard it is, might be willing to let you hold your baby for them while you do an adoption plan. Many of them will be willing to find a part-time job, or an extra babysitter to help you out. But, again, it's a lot of work and they won't do it for free.
I've been there. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to quit school because of the baby. I know that it wasn't the way I wanted it, but every now and then I would get a phone call from one of my boyfriends asking me to get him some pot.
And every now and then I would be so tired of being the one in charge and knowing that I wouldn't be able to find a better mother for my kids that I would say, "What the hell!?" and just get high with my friends.
And all I can tell you, is that it didn't work out too well. I went through hell and back with the cops. I went to court and lost my kids. I had to get married because of my boyfriend. My life was on the line. My boyfriend nearly died. I lived through the pain.
And then, I went on with my life.
It's easier to go on with your life, than it is to raise a baby by yourself. Please be careful. It's just too hard for one person, even one willing person.
And the next time someone asks you what you're going to do about your baby, say this:
"I love my baby. I'd be a horrible mother if I didn't take care of her. I know I have to grow up, do my homework and learn to be a good mother for her."
No, you may not be able to have a baby again. You may have to go to college, if you even have the chance. You may have to find a job that will help support you and your kids. You may have to put your own baby up for adoption and hope for the best, but please be careful.
I didn't know it until I became a mother, but adoption means risking the life of a child.
It means the risk that he or she might not like the adoptive parent, and that he or she might feel rejected, because it's going to be hard for him or her to get over the loss of their birth parents. You can have the best intentions in the world, but there will be moments when your child will wonder, "Why did they take me away from my birth parents?"
It's just part of the risk of adoption. It's just part of the reality of parenting. Your birth parents may have been wonderful, and it might seem like you are the one to blame for your baby being taken away. It's not your fault.
And now, I want to talk to you about your baby's rights.
Your baby is a baby. He or she will always be a baby. Maybe you can find a good mother for him or her, but chances are that even if the baby and the prospective adoptive parent don't get along, the baby will get into a safe, loving adoptive home.
And while I know that your adoptive mother will love him or her just like his or her birth parents loved him or her, and while I know that adoptive mothers are good, even great mothers, it's up to your birth parents to decide what's best for their baby, and they have given you the right to have their baby returned to them, or to place the baby for adoption.
If you choose adoption, go for it. You are still in charge, you will still be making decisions for your baby.
When you go for the birth certificate, if the prospective adoptive parents can find a home for your baby, the right thing will be done.
If there is no legal guardian, the judge can appoint one. You need a relationship with a judge that's going to be willing to be your friend and will take care of you.
This kind of case is not a court case. It's a relationship between two parents who are willing to work together to do what's best for their child.
There are hundreds of adoption attorneys out there. Most are not like me, and most are not going to give you a lot of advice. They just charge you money, they take a third. Your case is not a big one to them, unless you are rich.
So, I'm only going to tell you what's in my heart, and what I know. You can hire another attorney, but the heart will tell you that this one is the best, because I want the best for your baby.
I will tell you the truth about the adoptions process, because I'm going to have a lot of clients, and I can't be trusted with lies.
You can call me. I know that everyone wants to do the right thing. I know you have a good heart and are the kind of parent that no one would want to replace. I'll do everything I can to help you. You will find an attorney who will help you do what's right. But, please, please take my word for it. It will take too long to get all of your baby's rights back. If you file a protest, you will lose. If you let go and let adoption be the best thing for your baby, it will be.
And if your baby has rights, he or she should never get taken away. And if they do get taken away, they should be returned to you.
Now, you may think I'm talking about this as if I'm saying something you can't handle. I'm not. I'm just saying that it's hard, and if you decide to go the adoption route, you have to be really careful.
Remember what happened to me?
I started my own agency. I did it out of love, not because I wanted a payday. I couldn't make any money with it, and I wanted to be the one to place all of my babies.
Now there's a place for everyone in this world, and I just happen to place babies. And my kids call me "the babies broker."
When they were babies, I was their hero, and now that they are young parents, they pay me back with their love.
If you can do what's right, you will be so lucky, and so blessed. But please take care of
