Tell a Good Lie, Not a Stupid Lie" "We'll just put a stick up the old crone's cunt" "And see how she likes it" "Put a stick up the old crone's cunt?" "Oh, don't be so disgusting, Dicky" "I'm only joking" "Just as we got her in the mood did she start mumbling all sorts of nonsense" "She said a great big giant had grabbed her and raped her and torn her arm off, poor thing" "Then it turns out that she had got it herself, in the end, through trying to hang herself up by a piece of string." "Funny, that!" "We couldn't get the bloody thing over her head!" "God!" "So we had to leave it and leave the poor old crone there, with the string hanging down off her" "Dicky, you're so morbid" "I was just joking, Cyril." "Come on, we'll play another game, shall we?" "Yeah, I like this game" "No, no, you mustn't laugh!" "It isn't funny" "Come on, it's a joke" "Is it?" "All right, then, tell us a good joke, Dicky" "Tell us a joke" "Go on, tell us a joke" "All right, I will" "There was this priest called Father Prendergast who decided to run off with a nun" "Do you know what?" "It was one of those priests you really had to admire" "He had the courage of his convictions" "They got away and he had no money, so they went into a bar" "Do you know what the barman said to him?" "He said, 'What do you want to drink, Father?" "'" "'A pint of bitter', said Father Prendergast" "'What?" "'he said." "'Who'd have thought it?" "A bloody priest drinking bitter!" "'" "Oh, it's a good one, Dicky" "I know" "I can't think of another one offhand" "Oh, that's great!" "What do you mean, you can't think of another one offhand?" "Oh, well, never mind" "So the nun says, 'It is the eleventh hour of the night and we've had nothing to drink for eight hours. '" "I'm sorry, but it's really stupid" "If you want to be with me, leave the women and children to look after themselves" "You're coming with me" "I can't walk any further" "Of course you can" "Do you want to stay here and be shot?" "Well, we'd better go on" "He's hurt his leg" "He's a bit of a bastard to begin with, but he's all right, isn't he?" "Yeah, he's all right" "You know him well, do you?" "No, not well" "We went through basic training together." "One of those things" "I thought you were mad at the time, but you've found something to like about him" "What was wrong with you?" "I was jealous" "I suppose I thought he'd get rid of me one way or another" "Anyway, he's dead." "What do I care?" "Do you know, darling, we just don't worry about things enough" "Maybe you're right." "Oh, thank God." "Let's sit down for a bit" "Yeah, OK" "OK?" "Great" "I don't want to move on" "I'm never going to make it home to see him again." "I'm sorry." "Never mind." "You think too much." "You always have done." "Well, don't talk to me then, because when I do I do something stupid and I forget" "And don't take me any further away from him." "That's all I want." "I won't." "I promise." "Hello" "Hello" "I know where you can get some good tins" "Would you like some soup?" "Please" "Is she going to die, or what?" "No" "She's probably dead already, mate." "She hasn't even got a grave yet" "Oh, God" "Please, don't!" "Go away!" "It'll be much worse for you if it turns out that you've been having an affair with your son" "Oh, please, that's disgusting!" "At least I didn't have him!" "What?" "!" "Oh, no, that's much worse!" "He didn't make love to you" "Oh, God, is that the time?" "I feel quite weak" "Let's go" "Oh, God!" "Oh, God!" "Oh, God!" "Oh, God!" "I can't" "I can't get up" "What's happened to me?" "They must be behind that tree." "I'd love to see their faces when they get whacked with the tree!" "He didn't think I could do it." "He knew it'd be you." "He knew I had to keep you alive, and I did." "Even after you hit me with the rock" "Oh, God, he never stops, does he?" "Yeah." "But he's dead, right?" "In here, he's dead." "They're just shadows!" "All right, so there's ghosts and there's ghosts of ghosts." "But there's only one reality" "Oh, God!" "I can't stay here" "They'll get me" "Stop!" "Don't run!" "I'll take you to them." "They'll hurt you." "They'll hurt me too." "They'll hurt you" "Get away!" "Get away from me!" "They won't hurt you!" "You can help me." "No!" "No!" "No!" "You can help me!" "Why?" "Why?" "Why did he do it?" "He said they didn't know that he was your father, but he was frightened they knew and he was frightened that you might find out about us, so he killed himself" "You killed my father!" "You and me, son, we're going to have a talk about this when we get home" "Hello" "How long have you been in the tunnel?" "Hours" "It's been dark for hours, so you must be hungry" "There's a town over there" "Why don't you come over and get some dinner with us?" "All right?" "Why didn't you come for me?" "He wanted to come" "I told you to wait!" "I couldn't wait." "I never can." "I told you not to go out" "I just thought I'd have a look" "Don't go out on your own again!" "He's not here." "He must have gone home" "Well, we're not safe here until he leaves" "Well, you know, you could come to my place." "You don't even know me, but I'm going to come with you." "We're safe there" "You must like hot, because you always get so cold" "I've got an extra T-shirt that'll fit you." "I'll get it." "It's cold down here" "You could stay with me tonight" "No" "No?" "You don't know me at all, do you?" "It's not that I don't want to, but it isn't possible" "I have to stay here for him." "Stay with me" "No, I just need to be on my own." "OK?" "You get some rest" "I can't sleep" "You know, you might be a bit lonely, but you'll be all right" "But I might see you again" "I mean, if you wanted to" "No, I never, never, never wanted to see you again." "That's all over" "Look at it from my point of view" "Just for tonight." "You sleep in my bed" "In your bed?" "Yes" "Well, you said I could stay with you" "Well, then you sleep in my bed" "What?" "No, no" "I couldn't do that." "Don't be silly." "I'm not doing anything" "I'll be the perfect gentleman." "But you have to do what I say" "No, no." "I just can't" "Why not?" "No!" "God, you have no respect for the dead." "You just can't!" "I'm not doing this." "I just can't!" "No!" "I'm not doing this!" "Do you know what you are?" "You are a bully!" "Yes!" "Exactly" "Well, I'm going to get back into bed, and you are going to sleep in it, alone." "But first, I want to tell you that if you want to find out anything about the man who died out there with my father, you've come to the right person" "All right?" "Why did you let him?" "I don't know." "I'm not a murderer." "It just happens" "So it was an accident?" "Well, people have accidents" "You killed him" "You killed my father, too, didn't you?" "What was his name?" "That man" "What was his name?" "He was your