After spending 1 month in the morgue in a preciouse job, our newest employee told some of the most interesting stories, and he never once failed to make us laugh. He told us a very interesting tale, about a customer that came to the deli and complained that the meat was too cold. The butcher told the guy that it was the coldest meat they had that day, but the customer told him it wasn't cold enough, and ordered his food to be warmed up. He left and returned an hour later, still complaining that the meat was too cold. The butcher told him again that it was the coldest meat they had that day, and the customer responded by saying, "That's why I want my food warmed up." The butcher asked why he wanted it warmed up, and the customer told him that he's trying to be polite so he didn't want to make the old man angry. The butcher replied to him by saying, "I already told you the meat was cold. If you want to warm it up, you're going to have to take it out of the cooler. I told you that a long time ago." The customer left and returned 2 hours later, still complaining that the meat was cold. The butcher told him that it was the coldest meat they had that day. The customer then replied, "Well, it was either this cold, or I'd be dead." One of the more popular jokes among doctors is the doctor who was explaining the causes of disease to his patients and one of the question was "What do flies know about you?", and the doctor replied, "Everything that was already there but is different." A guy came to the butcher shop and ordered a kilo of beef, and the butcher explained that they only had 1, so he asked him to come back in an hour, and he will make the kilos. He came back an hour later, and the butcher gave him his order, but as a small change he included the same kilo, and the guy asked, "Why did you send me back?" The butcher answered, "Because you asked for 1 and 1 makes two. You want 1 or nothing?" A little baby was learning to walk, and his father was really proud and showed the mother. They all went to the butcher's shop, so the mother said, "Go and buy a 1kg steak for dinner. Then I'll let him eat the bone and tell him that's how he can walk." The butcher agreed, so he gave him the steak and he put the bone in front of him and said, "This is how you walk." The kid grabbed the bone, gobbled it up, and started walking. The butcher, after watching it all, yelled at the kid's mother, "You're not teaching him how to walk, you're giving him diseases!" An old man was working at the butcher shop. One day he was very hungry and needed something to eat. So he told the butcher, "please give me something to eat, I don't have any money". He then asked "Will you give me 1 piece of meat if I tell you a joke?" The butcher said "Sure" and he says "One day, a little boy's mommy and daddy died and when he lost them he became very sad, but then he felt something pulling on his head and someone shouted "Fight!" He was so excited he tried to fight and ran away. A few minutes later the little boy was chased and was caught by his mother. She slapped him and asked, "Why are you sad?" The boy answered "Mommy and daddy died." Then his mommy was mad at him, took him inside the house and said to his dad "what's wrong with you?". The father answered "Your dead" and his mom got mad again and said to the boy "What's wrong with your father?!" And the boy said "He's dead." The son did this for a few times until the mother gave him some food and milk, and then she told the little boy that if he's late for dinner he would get nothing to eat. So the kid is waiting for dinner and starts to eat, but instead of eating he's still crying. So, after dinner his mommy and dad went to the boy's room and ask him "what's wrong?". The boy said that "Nothing, I just finished dinner, and now you tell me that if I don't get dinner you will kill me". After that, his mom and dad were shocked and asked him why he didn't eat dinner. He answered "Because I don't like it." One day the butcher had some business in his store, so he called a man in the street and says: "Go to my shop and tell me what you have to say." The man tells the butcher "I was walking along the street, when suddenly I stumbled on a dead cat. I got very sad and called for the cat owner, but he didn't hear me, and so I called louder but he still didn't answer. Finally, after I shouted the fourth time, a man asked me what is the matter, and I explained everything. He listened to me and told me that my cries are so loud that his wife heard me and that's why she killed the cat. We both laughed and said: if the cat was so important that his wife had to kill the cat to find out what was wrong, it must be very important. So I went home and you come and say to me that my cat is important." "Oh, I see", said the butcher, "I'll take my wife to pick up the cat. I'll come back to say good bye to you." He came back the next day and told the man: "Your wife has come and told me that they were having a party and that she got very tired and put the cat in the refrigerator." A man went to the butcher shop and asked if the butcher had a lamb chops. The butcher said: "Yes, I do, but they are not cleaned. You are a man of taste, don't you think?" "I sure am, but I will not eat it because lambs are so sweet." "Sure, but in any case, if you want to eat it you should wash it first", said the butcher. "Why? Do lambs have a dirty part?" asked the man. "No, not that. Lambs have an eye, and when we eat the eye it makes us sick." Some friends of mine from Mexico were visiting me in California. My friend called and said: "I'm sorry I'm not going to come to dinner tonight. My car broke down and I don't have a spare car, or cash. How much would you charge me for a taxi?" I said: "I can give you a ride and we can do dinner another time." My friend said: "I'm going to Mexico. Thanks anyway." I drove to the butcher shop and talked with the owner. I told him that I have two Mexican friends, a man and a woman, and they are visiting me for a couple of days. And my friend wants to do dinner with us. The butcher said: "Don't worry about the meat. I'll sell you everything for that, but this is not a good time. So much meat is selling on Tuesdays." In the morning I called my friend to see if he is still there. He told me he is at the airport, but that it will be another month before he returns home. I said: "Come on, you can rent another car for the weekend." He told me he had no choice. He needed to get to California. I said, "What about the rent of your apartment?" He answered: "I'm sure they are going to take my car away from me. Anyway, it's my fault that the car broke down." I told him: "Don't worry, you can stay here in my house and you can take a bus to the airport when you will return to Mexico." He says: "Can I fly on an airplane?" I replied: "If you have a good pilot." He said: "It's done. I found two pilots. I'll take a car with me and we'll leave as soon as possible