Let's Make a Move! (with Dani, and Dani's new baby. He loves this guy!) Dani's baby, not sure which of the three is the real dad. You might be surprised at how many of our friends have been or are in relationships that fail to last. Or, maybe it's a relationship that never really was. I remember when Dani and I were married that everyone told us how lucky we were. They all wished they had a husband like us. They envied our relationship, and no one saw it coming to an end. I know, some marriages do go on like this for decades, while other marriages have a shorter shelf life. But I don't care how long a marriage lasts, as long as it doesn't end in infidelity or adultery. The one thing that makes people really sad is the fact that relationships end, with many people never seeing it coming. This happened to a young man I met several years ago in a small mountain community in Virginia. He was in his early twenties and was at the top of his class in law school. It wasn't uncommon for him to go to bed with three women each night. He said he was simply using them, no strings attached. He enjoyed sex more than the women did. I knew this one person he'd slept with before, who told me that he would give her drugs in order to have sex. The morning after the sex, he'd wake up and make her a breakfast of pancakes and fried eggs and bacon. He would feed her, walk her out to her car, and then he would have sex with her again. She would spend the rest of the day telling everyone how she had slept with him. He slept with her again the next night, and so on, all weekend. He never asked for money from her, he told her it wasn't about the money, but that she really didn't know. This went on for several years before she finally left him. Another friend of mine worked for a wealthy man in a senior position. One day he told this young man about his wife's infidelity, and that he wanted to leave her. His wife was devastated. He said he really didn't want to do this, and that he would rather be single than stay in that relationship. His wife begged him not to go, and he told her he was going to keep his options open. I don't know why that really irked her, but that was what they argued over. What this young man did not understand was that while his wife was still having sex with her lover, he was also having sex with other women. And while she was telling everyone that her life was a mess and she couldn't hold a job, he was making enough money to go on cruises twice a year, buy a new Ferrari, and buy everything else he ever wanted. He was simply a liar and a user, but people didn't understand that when you have a good job and you tell people your life is messed up, they believe you. I think this is why his wife was so upset. She was the one who really wanted to stay married, but he didn't want that, so he ended it. Another friend of mine went on a European trip with a man she was having an affair with. She and her husband had been together for many years, and they had an amazing marriage. This man wasn't into marriage at all, but he knew she had a good one, and he wanted to see where her heart was. So he went along for the ride. It was one of the worst decisions she ever made. But if this man was someone she really cared for, he would have understood, as I did, how hard it was for her to stay with her husband. When you have a partner who cheated on you with a man that you do not care for, sometimes you have to move on. There is no other way, no matter how much he loves you. You can't really be with someone who does not care for you. There is a reason why you married him, or at least you thought you did. There is a reason that you stayed with him or her all those years. No matter what other people think, it wasn't because you just happened to get stuck with him or her. If you are married to someone you do not love or care for, and you want to stay in that marriage, find someone who does love you. I met a woman who was so heartbroken over a failed marriage that her children went to live with their father. She couldn't even eat or sleep. But she still refused to let go of the man she was in love with before he had cheated on her. She wouldn't let go of that man's lies and actions. She told me she was so sick and tired of him and didn't know how to make the marriage work. So I asked her, why would she continue to live this lie? She insisted it was not a lie. When he cheated on her, he was simply caught in the act. She said she knew he loved her. I asked her, if he really loved her, why did he have to keep this act going all these years? I never got a good answer. This woman had already given up her children before he cheated on her. She couldn't care for herself, her children were with their father, and she was living with this man in the house they used to own. He owed her so much, and all she wanted was one more chance. But she had to keep her affair with him a secret because he had promised to give her half of his life savings. So she was basically living off of his lies. If a woman decides to stay with someone who was once her best friend, but he cheated on her and then wanted to use her to get more money out of her, she has to make a decision. I mean, who really knows who is going to get what in the end? I got this friend to go to therapy and see a divorce attorney, but she refused to follow through on any of it. She was still with this man as I talked to her. And you know what, she got what she deserved. It's time to let go of the guilt, the sadness, and the anger. And at the same time, it's time to start taking care of yourself and doing what you have to do to find a good man. Sometimes, finding the right man is hard work. But it's always worth it when it works out. My friend had no business being with this man. When she decided to keep the affair with him and refuse to go through a divorce, she was trying to save her marriage. She was trying to protect that one great love that she thought she would always have. And then, when he cheated on her, she refused to go through with it. She couldn't even stay true to her word, so to speak. It takes time to heal from a bad marriage or relationship. I don't think anyone can give up hope in marriage easily. As long as your best friend isn't giving you any indication that they might be in love with someone else, I think you have to try. But the longer you stay with a person who has caused you pain and suffering, the longer you prolong your own pain and suffering. And your worst enemy is yourself. But I know there are some of you reading this who refuse to believe that any man, man or woman, will ever come along and save your marriage. You must realize that no one will ever love you like your husband or wife loved you, so I wish you all the luck in the world. To all those women and men who have found themselves in the painful situation of divorce, I want to thank you. I know it takes a lot of courage to go through this process. I know it has taken me years to deal with all of this, and I know there are still a lot of people who are stuck in the same cycle of pain. While it's not a secret that not all divorces end in failure, it's also not a secret that there are millions of people who are living their lives in misery, because they refuse to give up. They hang on to some horrible marriage and refuse to move on. They say, "He's not worth it, I'm just going to stay with him because he's the only man I know." You may never hear from these people again, but if you do, remember that their misery is self-inflicted. I also know that there are some who are so blinded by the drugs and alcohol they are using, that they have given up and given in to defeat. They are just along for the ride until they get caught and punished. Then they get away with it again. There are a lot of women out there who say, "My husband can have a new woman any time he wants." Men, if you have said these things, take note, because when you're done with one relationship, it's time to move on. I know many men and women who have become so sad, after having been married for years, that they have started to drink. Some of them have gone on to become alcoholics. For those who are married and still drinking, just know that even if you stay in a marriage that you don't love anymore, the best you can do is get off the alcohol and drugs that are destroying your life. I've seen so many marriages end with one person being destroyed by drugs and alcohol, and the other person left alone and devastated. The best thing you can do is to get out now. You might