Chapter 1. Our story begins with a boy who is at risk. At birth, he had a significant health issue that has required his parents to raise him with the support of a home nurse. Due to his poor health, he requires regular medical visits and a special diet. During this stressful time, our boy’s mom says she was at her wits’ end. She was desperate. My mom was the type who, on any given day, I would hear her yell from downstairs, “Honey, have you taken your iron pills today? Have you changed your gloves?” And then, just a moment later, I’d hear her call out, “Honey, have you taken your B6 today?” A moment later: “Honey, have you taken your calcium? Have you taken your vitamin D?” These were just a few examples of my mom’s endless (if futile) efforts to ensure our family was healthy. Do you think your dad would respond to a question that way? Do you think he would be that conscious of taking care of you? Then there’s the rest of us who are so busy with our own to-do lists that we hardly ever ask our husbands about their lists. In other words, we don’t even ask. We just assume. When this happens, is it any wonder we have a lack of connection? Just because you are busy at work or because you love to cook doesn’t mean it is automatically about you. All of these things we do “for ourselves” rob us of our men. Here’s a little-known secret about men: they aren’t on your list, they are the list. They are God’s list. And their job is to love you, not you the house. They don’t need a list. They are already complete. Their job is not to make you happy. That’s your job. Their job is to love you. The sad truth is that many couples would benefit from a checklist of sorts in their marriages. So today, I want to give you some tips for checking-in on your husband. Before you get started, take some time to list your husband’s gifts and goals. You can do this in a notebook, a piece of paper, or on the fridge. Maybe even go as far as to add to this your own list. Let’s say your husband is an active family man. You write down “husband, father, provider.” Maybe your husband is also busy working to get his MBA. You write down “husband, academic.” And let’s say your husband loves to read. He’s reading a good book at the moment, too. “Husband, intellectual.” You see the purpose of this exercise is for you to take a look at the life God has blessed you with. You’re not your husband’s keeper; he is your keeper. He was made to care for you and you for him. You’re not going to do a good job without first taking a look at what you are called to do. So, what do you do with this list? You share your husband’s priorities with him. This isn’t about nagging or telling him what to do. This is about speaking the language that’s on his heart. Here’s an example. Say you’re sitting at the breakfast table with your husband. He has brought home his coffee. You hand him his favorite mug that reads “This is a moment of silence for my life partner.” That way, when he is going through a moment of stress, you know that he feels understood. When he’s under pressure, he might feel a little too alone. This goes hand in hand with showing up in the life of your husband. Let him know how you’re going to “show up” for him. It might look different for every couple but you’ll want to plan ahead and not wait until something becomes urgent. If you don’t show up, how will he feel? Of course, don’t wait until something is a crisis, like financial pressure or conflict. You never know when those might hit. You can show up and be there for him through text messages and conversations. Make a regular “date” with your husband. Schedule a date to pray for each other or to have a cup of coffee with him. How would you feel if your man said to you, “Hey, you’re not on my list, you’re on my heart.” I’ll take that for a million. So there’s a lot of work to do here. We can’t forget about our men and forget to look at the beautiful parts of our husbands. When we do, we forget the incredible things God has given us, and what he has put inside our husbands, and his value to our families. And that is one thing we cannot forget to do. So, keep the checklist, ladies. There’s a lot to accomplish. You may just be surprised at how much you can accomplish. And let your light shine for others in your own unique way. -Psalm 36:3 Do you love this time of the year? It’s one of my favorites! What are you going to do to remind your husband how much he means to you? If you missed the post from last week, you can click here to read it. So this past week I sat in a car. My brother-in-law and I were on our way to a conference for work. It was a long drive, so we decided to have breakfast before we left. So, being the kind, thoughtful people we are, we called our boss’s wife who graciously invited us to have breakfast with her and her family at their house. Before we knew it we were at their home sharing a meal with her and her family and her husband. And, yes, that’s her husband’s voice you hear in the background. After we ate and were getting ready to leave, I remembered a gift my husband had given me that I wanted to give her husband. So I got out my gift bag that had been sitting in my purse the whole time (okay, maybe it was in the back seat….). I looked for a card and got out of the car. While searching for the card, I heard the sound of heels coming from the garage. I turned around and saw my brother-in-law’s wife walking to her car. She had gotten her keys from the garage and was going to go to work. She stopped at the passenger side door and said goodbye. Then she told me she’d see me in a few minutes when she got home. I still didn’t know what to say. I mean, I was happy that my brother-in-law and I were helping to make breakfast for her family, and I had the gift to give to her husband for my wife and I to enjoy. But how do you wrap up a gift, throw away your coffee and munchies and all, and go back to work? It’s a gift, no, not a “gift” but a surprise, yes? So she would have no idea what was going on until she returned home that evening. That was the plan. So here was my problem. If she were to walk into her garage, turn around, and have her husband come out the other side with the box in his hands, what would she think of us? Our timing was bad. This was not a time when it would be appropriate to make a big scene and embarrass her by not hiding the present. So, what do you do? Well, this is where trust comes in. Here’s what I think: I had spent the whole morning, at the back of my mind, thinking about what could possibly go wrong. I mean, who was going to know about it? Was I being too hasty? What did she think of me as her brother-in-law and I were sharing a meal with her husband? What did she think about my husband helping me have breakfast at his house? What would her husband think of me just walking over and leaving her standing in the driveway? What would her husband think if he looked up to see my wife standing there when he drove into the garage? I’m a big picture thinker. I like to take a quick snapshot of a moment and think of all the ways it could go wrong or what could be accomplished with it. It’s the worst case scenario in my mind. But it turned out that nothing went wrong. She saw that the present was wrapped in the bag and that the bag was sitting on the counter. She could see her husband’s car in the garage. She called out to him to say she’d see him later. She waved goodbye as she got in her car and drove off. And I was left with a million and one questions. One, she could’ve just told me and said I was in the way and sent me back to my car with a sigh. Another thing, what was my husband going to think of me when I gave the present to her husband? Then it hit me. What if, in this situation, I was still under the impression that everything I was doing and saying was dependent upon his approval? And the next thing that came to mind was another Scripture that is close to my heart that speaks of God’s value and worth. Hear me when I call and answer me when