There are various ways to create a “suck-a-thons” at work that turn into bonding events. A company party is one way but a “Sip-a-thon” (a type of drink-a-thon that will have fun prizes) might be better. It is all about having fun and getting to know one another. By the way, the next one I will be running is called “Rum-a-thon.” Each attendee gets a shot every time they say “Rum-a-thon.” If you can think of a name, email me at info@aloha-takahaloha.com. A good time: “Laughing” is my best medicine! I believe if everyone had more fun and took time for humor and to laugh it would bring more happiness and less stress to our lives. The reason I say this is because I have seen these things happen. On one of my trips to Hawaii, my boss called me into his office and said, “What are we going to do with you?” He said he was so happy about my decision to move here that he thought it might have been “too much too soon.” I said, “My boss sent you to Hawaii?” He said yes and I said, “I have been to Hawaii for 2 years already. I have been doing this for 5 months. I am just fine!” I was more worried about the “Hawaii” part of the job than I was about the “pork” part. He laughed, I laughed. We all had a good time. So, to answer your question about what do I look for to be a “good” employee? I look for the same things for a “good” friend or person to date that I look for in an employee: 1. I look for a sense of humor that is FUNNY not funny-dirty or crude! 2. I look for a good heart – “I can tell you that I am not looking for a babysitter or a girlfriend; but rather a partner and equal to share life experiences with. I would like to share a happy life.” 3. I look for someone to enjoy life with and someone who is positive. We will always have those who want to take life down, but I don’t think we should live for them. I have been told that some people were worried about me but I didn’t go for it. I have been asked many times, “Amy are you crazy? Why did you do it? Why would you want to move to the other side of the world?” Yes, the first year was hard, yes, it was the hard part of what was to come, but it was fun. I have a ton of stories about Hawaii and the people I met. Let’s just say that I have lived on many tropical islands since then and I keep going back. Hawaii is a magical place and those of us who are fortunate enough to live there need to share it with others. If you are not living for yourself, but live for other people, then you are not living. I have a friend that says, “Everything in moderation. I know some people have to drink so much that they lose control.” I think it’s okay for one or two drinks, if that’s all. The problem with today is that we are going through a war of the sexes where “Beverly Hills 90210” is the way it is and we need to get over this! People need to grow up and realize that there are other things in life that should not be taken so seriously. I will tell you what people I am talking about. It’s not going to be very pleasant. There is one person at my work that I like, he’s a great guy and an all-around nice guy but he is “old school.” He lives for hockey, the Red Wings, and beer. Sometimes I will go into his office and he will be on the computer and he will not even look up at me. My first reaction was to avoid him and get the hell out. A lot of women are attracted to him and he is a ladies’ man. The only time I ever tried to talk to him was to ask him for a favor and he gave me a hard time. He just wanted to be left alone. He is very difficult to get along with and not much fun. Then there are some women that try to get his attention, but he doesn’t want it. They will come up and ask him how he is doing and say, “I love the Red Wings!” and they put their hands on his shoulder. If he doesn’t see it coming, the only thing he can do is say, “Get the hell away from me! I am working!” People need to understand that you do not have to respond to everyone and how a person acts on one day can be different than a person’s way of interacting with you on another day. You may have just had a bad day at work and I am not trying to come up and talk to you when you are trying to do your job. I know how difficult it can be to come up with a project at work, there are deadlines and other priorities. Also, when I come to you, it’s not because I don’t know where to find information. I really do know the resources that are available to me. One day you have your “A” game and the next you don’t. For some people it’s only when you have your “A” game that you come up to them. You don’t really need to be everyone’s friend or go to their “basketball” games but as long as you don’t cross a line and say the wrong thing or cause problems you should just let it go. I do know people want someone with more fun in their lives and those who are more willing to take risks. To me that’s the way I was raised. A lot of people will ask me to go out for drinks and I will say yes, and then get a call from the boss and I have to go into work early the next day. If they can’t understand that sometimes we have to be adults about things, then I don’t think they want to be friends with me in the long run. I think people can be judgmental of one another when they do or don’t do certain things. I think we need to know the other person as a human being with feelings, if they are going to say and do those things or how they are going to react at different times. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. We need to be able to get past them. I have talked to a lot of women about this and my personal opinion is that we don’t have to be everything for everyone. If someone you care about is not treating you well, it’s best to just leave it alone. Sometimes we really have to “look at the positive” in the situation. I don’t know about you, but when I was young, I wanted a partner and that was something my friends were not thinking about. We can’t change them and we have to accept them for who they are. We can influence them but we can’t change them. I believe if you want something that badly and he doesn’t want it with you, you need to move on. It’s not going to work if he wants to be with someone else and he is not willing to give you what you want. You are too much of a good person to let this go on. If you have a problem in your relationship, like cheating, you need to go for it. If he cheated on you then you don’t need to be with someone that can be with you and also make you jealous at the same time. My advice, if you have gotten to the point where you are ready to leave, you just have to bite the bullet and move on. We all live in different situations in life. When we try to change people or force them to do things that they don’t want to do, then they will go down the wrong path. The most important things that I will tell you is to have fun and remember that you should “Live for you!” It is very important that you let them know you are moving on and you should move on if you have to. Your happiness is important to me and if they are not giving you that, then I think it’s your right to be selfish in that way. If it’s affecting my self-esteem or the way that I think about myself, I need to know because if someone doesn’t value you, I would like to know as well so I can take steps to find someone that does