I was big when I was younger. Wasn’t I? Was it just me, or did it seem to happen to the other geeks? And how about those skinny girls who seemed really attractive at first? You were a fag for them, not even realizing you were into it. And of course they were sluts. You always had to end it with them because you knew they’d dump you soon as you turned into a guy. Those poor boys. “You had lots of female friends, of course. You’d ask about sex and they’d ask about who you were dating. But it’s hard to say, ’cause when you got together with one of them, you’d pretend to be a guy.” “You had lots of female friends, of course. You’d ask about sex and they’d ask about who you were dating. But it’s hard to say, ’cause when you got together with one of them, you’d pretend to be a guy. You couldn’t tell them you were a girl. You said you were a lesbian, but if the conversation stayed in your room you’d pull out your dick and tell them you were a dude. Not just with guys, but with girls, too. You had this habit of pulling it out if you heard them breathing like they liked you. You felt like a guy, but you loved to be teased like a girl. Even in high school I’d see you do this. Remember that party when we were eighteen? Remember how you’d put your dick out of the window at me and call me a faggot? Not really ’cause you were too young and I never fell for it.” “And remember that party when we were eighteen? Remember how you’d put your dick out of the window at me and call me a faggot? Not really ’cause you were too young and I never fell for it.” “Of course in college it was different. You really did like girls. Who can say why? Some of them were the ugliest girls you’d ever seen. You hated them for that, but you still wanted to fuck them.” “Of course in college it was different. You really did like girls. Who can say why? Some of them were the ugliest girls you’d ever seen. You hated them for that, but you still wanted to fuck them. Don’t you think I know what you were doing, too? I always wanted you to do something to a girl, but I never said anything. I didn’t have to. When I tried to imagine you with one of them, it wasn’t you I pictured. It was a guy.” “I remember when you brought me here. It was a night like this. It had been raining, but we weren’t complaining. We sat in the tree in your backyard. Remember when we said we would stay on this roof till we were old men? Remember that? You said it was the only thing I was afraid to do. Do you remember? We were gonna sit on the roof all night and all day tomorrow, then at nighttime on and on and on until we’re old men. We didn’t do it, did we? Of course we didn’t. We had everything we could have wished for. And I was never going to be old or dead.” “Of course we didn’t do it, did we? We had everything we could have wished for. And I was never going to be old or dead.” “So how many girls did you fuck?” “How many girls did you fuck? Of course you fucked a lot of girls. You did it well. You liked girls, you liked women. If it weren’t for you, I don’t know what I would have done. You even got your dick stuck into my ass a few times. Remember? When you were twenty-one. It was the most erotic moment of my life. If there were another man I could fuck instead of you, I would. Not really, but I would if I were honest. You could tell me to go to hell and I’d probably follow you, but not for a girl. For what I could tell you about you.” “When you were twenty-one. It was the most erotic moment of my life. If there were another man I could fuck instead of you, I would. Not really, but I would if I were honest. You could tell me to go to hell and I’d probably follow you, but not for a girl. For what I could tell you about you.” “You know who I miss? I miss your cock. Your cock was my friend. I talked to it, it talked to me. And when you told me to go fuck myself, I did, only it was you that fucked me.” “You know who I miss? I miss your cock. Your cock was my friend. I talked to it, it talked to me. And when you told me to go fuck myself, I did, only it was you that fucked me.” “You were the only person I ever talked to about girls. You were the only one who listened. I couldn’t ask you to tell me how to have sex with them. You had a dick and I didn’t. But I did tell you everything that happened with them. You knew more about them than I did. You knew what they wanted. All you did was fuck them and tell me why. You tried hard to understand them, but all you did was listen to me, and tell me that I could do it too. You couldn’t do that with a girl, because you had a dick. But you listened and helped me. So I want you to listen, too. Help me understand. I have to go. Please stay in your room with the music off. I’ll do it with you.” “You were the only person I ever talked to about girls. You were the only one who listened. I couldn’t ask you to tell me how to have sex with them. You had a dick and I didn’t. But I did tell you everything that happened with them. You knew more about them than I did. You knew what they wanted. All you did was fuck them and tell me why. You tried hard to understand them, but all you did was listen to me, and tell me that I could do it too. You couldn’t do that with a girl, because you had a dick. But you listened and helped me. So I want you to listen, too. Help me understand. I have to go. Please stay in your room with the music off. I’ll do it with you.” “I am sorry I have to do this. I am just so sorry I have to do this. But all the way home on the train I kept thinking about you sitting in that chair with your shirt off. Why were you doing that? I thought, if only I could see your dick, but even that didn’t bring you back. So I am just going to sit here and talk to you until I have no choice but to let you go. And then I will just sit back down here in this chair and wait for you to come home. And we’ll talk. About whether you can still hear me. About how you felt in my mouth. All those years when you couldn’t even tell me how you felt. I wonder what that’s like. What it would be like for you, now, if I could hear your voice telling me to leave you alone. If I could hear your voice, telling me how you felt about all that.” “I am sorry I have to do this. I am just so sorry I have to do this. But all the way home on the train I kept thinking about you sitting in that chair with your shirt off. Why were you doing that? I thought, if only I could see your dick, but even that didn’t bring you back. So I am just going to sit here and talk to you until I have no choice but to let you go. And then I will just sit back down here in this chair and wait for you to come home. And we’ll talk. About whether you can still hear me. About how you felt in my mouth. All those years when you couldn’t even tell me how you felt. I wonder what that’s like. What it would be like for you, now, if I could hear your voice telling me to leave you alone. If I could hear your voice, telling me how you felt about all that. “Are you still there? Are you not here anymore? Because that was so boring. I thought, maybe it’s this chair. It’s like one of those metal chairs I had to sit in at those dentist’s offices. I had to keep holding my hands over my mouth to muffle the sound. You’d be better off going ahead and doing what you want. I have to go. I have to get up. I have to walk around. I can’t sit in this chair for an hour. But all right, I will. I’ll wait here. It’ll be quick. I’ll make it quick.” “Are you still there? Are you not here anymore? Because that was so boring. I thought, maybe it’s this chair. It’s like one of those metal chairs I had to sit in at those dentist’s offices. I had