Panicked, Desperate, Thirsty as Hell, but Ready to Do Anything for the Rest of My Life. “I’m ready to move, my family is there; we moved from New York, we live in New York and I’m willing to move there if they offer it.” What would it take to make you feel like you’re about to start your new life? Is there something you want more than anything else right now? I have the willpower to keep working for it, or something. *sighs, rolls eyes, gives up*I don’t know. Nothing. Anything. I’m sick of saying that though. It’s a lie. I love you. I wish you could be more honest about what you think. But remember that I am already a person who thinks I suck. So you’re not alone. It all depends on what it would take. I will be very blunt: if they offered you a job and made you a VP, I would move (if needed) to New York. You have my word. No need to be so mean spirited about it all. There are all kinds of things that could make it worth it for me: a job as VP, a job as Director, an open relationship with a man in the Bay Area, all sorts of things. These are all the things I’ve thought of. I don’t want to get involved in a fight that could never be won, or something stupid like that. I’ve spent so much time trying to understand this game – what is worth it? What isn’t? What’s most important to me? I feel like I’m running around in circles, and getting nowhere. Maybe you’ll find your path to yourself. You need a new hobby. Read novels (or listen to podcasts – or both), watch a movie, have coffee, play games – do things with friends. No, I know. But these things can make me feel like I’m still in the closet; that people are still watching me, that I’m playing the game; it doesn’t make me feel good. It’s not my style. I’m pretty lucky. I’m married to a man who has been through stuff that I can only imagine. It makes me feel less alone to know that he doesn’t think of me as “a gay” and doesn’t think I need to be closeted. I’ve done “it” twice. One is in the bedroom with my wife (she’s always there for me) and the other in college with a man. I’ve never thought much about it since, and honestly, I just want to forget it happened. Is that wrong? My partner and I aren’t married. He doesn’t understand what I want, because I have never been able to explain it to him. How to explain to a man you’re in love with what it is you want and you’re willing to fight for it? I haven’t figured it out. But I don’t see how living in the closet helps anything, at least from what I’ve seen. I wish you the best of luck and don’t let anyone else make you feel any different. If you want to be part of a bigger community, you are going to be in that community whether or not you are in the closet, and if you feel your only path is to be in the closet that doesn’t do you any good, and will make things worse than you are already. It’s only a matter of time before you have to deal with other people’s reactions, whether you are gay or not. I don’t see it as an issue because it doesn’t directly relate to me. I think it’s important to be honest about who you are, who you love, and what you want. I think it’s very important to be honest about who you love and how you express it. I know that I don’t know what the right thing is for me, but you and I are very similar in that we’re both very honest. You’re more honest than I am about things. And that can be a big issue sometimes. You have to figure out your own path, and how you want to live your life, and you don’t have to explain it to anyone. At all. But if you choose to do that, just be yourself. I’m sorry you haven’t found anyone like that yet. Okay. I understand what you are saying. I just don’t know if you or I would agree on it. When I say I have never told anyone, and they don’t know it, they all say it to me, not the other way around. “Oh, you’re so quiet about it.” I don’t mind being quiet about it, but I don’t want people to think they can put their hands in my bag. It’s pretty upsetting when that happens, because I feel like no matter what I say, or how I feel about it, it won’t ever change how they think. So to a point, it isn’t being quiet. Do you mind when people put their hands in your bag? I’d say they put their hands in my bag, look for drugs in the pockets, feel it out through the zipper, etc. I think that is completely inappropriate, and it makes me feel like they think I need a drug addiction, or I have some kind of drug problem. If that’s all it is, that’s really bad. That doesn’t help anything, especially if they do it to all my friends who are gay. I’ve had to explain to my closest friends that they need to take my keys and my wallet and anything else they want out of my pocket, or put my hand on top of theirs and watch what they do. When they touch my hands, I touch their hands. We’re all in this together. I don’t mind touching someone else’s hands (and I would have no problem doing what you suggest) but as soon as someone puts their hands in my bag I feel that people are watching me too much. Just my personal opinion. I like hanging out in clubs, watching people for a while, then making a sudden change, being more active. I have never done that in real life, but it does seem fun. I don’t go clubbing, at least not around my age group, but I’ve heard that it can be a lot of fun, if you know what you’re doing. But a lot of people go just for the thrill, and then regret it for the rest of their lives. That’s why I haven’t gone. But I’m open to trying it. I’ve only been out to a few people. But I feel awkward every time I say it. My wife is open about being gay, so that helps me out a lot. I am really enjoying reading your column. I went to a conference in L.A. with a woman who was an attorney for the NGLTF, but she didn’t have much to say about the benefits. She was pretty into it,