Our coming-of-age
The Great Divide
Like diamond rings
Want to See the El
While the Cats are
Exclude all CAPTCH
Vibe of the Tribe
That'll learn 'em
aitrocious.com
The Puppet MasterAnd that’s how the story will end,” said I, when
we had discussed it at great length. “You will leave here for
the Continent, and you will not see her again, my dear M., for
five or six years. And she’ll have forgotten all about us by
then.”
“Yes, that is, no,” said M. “It is quite true that I’ll have
forgotten you; but you, dear papa, will be just the same. So
will you, Mme. J., I am sure, if you are not dead; and, if you
are dead, then we shall find out all about it at the end.”
But it was in truth the end. Mme. Jérôme died on July 5, 1873, at
Greyrock.
[Illustration: THE GARRET.]
But M. Jérôme was not a man to grow old in grief. The next four
years were the most industrious and successful of his life; it was as
though his mind, in spite of misfortune, turned in the direction of
work. It seemed as if the misfortune had actually brought him to the
very threshold of fortune. Two books appeared; a book of poems and a
work on the English poets; translations of Dante and of a few poets;
his “Dante,” in French, published by Emile Didot; his “Odes de Virgil”
and his “Abecedario degli Antichi Poeti.” His fame was already spread
throughout Europe; he had written an admirable article on Dante, and
was called upon for a large number of translations. The English critics
had the same admiration for him that had been displayed by the French
journals. At the close of that year there was still no settled work in
store for him. And it was during the next year that, for the first time
in his life, he heard a doubt put into words: was it not very probable
that he had come to the end of his resources? Was it not possible that
there was nothing in him besides ability? Was it not possible that he
had only to turn round to find himself, at the end of a day, on the
bench of a workhouse?
Of all this he was dimly conscious, but the conviction did not
penetrate into his consciousness. Nothing mattered. The old life, with
its work and its frivolity, went on as before. He had his work; he was
the father of a family, whom he loved very much; his pleasures were
few and far between, for he lived only for his work. The last thing in
the world that he ever wanted was a pension from a Government; it never
occurred to him, as it did to that other man, to accept a gift from a
private patron. He did not even take any particular pleasure in his
pension from the State. He regarded it, as did every man of modest
means who has any self-respect, as a humiliation. “Yes,” he wrote, in
one of his letters to M. Durand, who was trying to induce him to accept
it; “I am not one of those to whom a pension from the State is an
honour, but a humiliation. Let me leave my work and my name as I have
left them, if it be not for you, to some one else.” He accepted the
pension simply because he could not afford to be poor, and he refused
many offers of help with real pleasure. “I cannot help asking you,” he
wrote to M. Durand in May, 1873, “to come to lunch with me on Sunday; I
shall then have leisure to show you the last proofs of my forthcoming
book on Dante, which is published by Didot.
“And if I have not seen you at any time, will you believe that I am
always in the closest and most fraternal relations with you?... I
cannot tell you how grateful I am to you for the many excellent and
noble letters which you have written to me. I could ask you for nothing
that you could not give me. I am more deeply attached to you than
you will ever know.”
It was not that M. Jérôme was in any way indifferent to his pension.
But he was more indifferent to comfort than he was to work, and he
believed that the pleasure of working would carry him through the most
distressed period of his life. He did not know that all his work was to
be finished before many years had passed. He was well-aware that life
was short. He wrote: “I am too old to enjoy luxury and too poor to
indulge it.” But he could not believe that his end was coming. He was
convinced, and he tried to explain to himself how it was to be borne,
that death does not choose the time or the place for striking the blow.
He did not expect it for many years to come. He did not think that
it was at Greyrock that the blow would be struck; he did not think that
it would be this day month, or that it would be in December, 1874, when
death entered the house; when those he loved were with him, and those
of the family who were not already in the grave, in a few weeks or a
few days, would follow them. He was conscious of being in the shadow of
the same destiny as other men. He did not believe that the blow was to
be struck by anything less than a great misfortune; his life had
suffered many misfortunes. Of that life which had cost him so much
effort, he would have none regrets. He had spent eighteen years in
building it; and he did not care to ask who was to blame for the
failure of the enterprise. He found it difficult, when he was a child,
to think about the “happy age,” when everybody he loved was still
alive, and to which, in later years, in the midst of all his failures
and miseries, he never ceased to look back with regret. He had been
happy with his wife, when she was young and beautiful; but her death
had turned his head a little, and had clouded his understanding. He
made no complaint of her. His life since then had been lived happily.
When he thought of the past he did not think of her; his happiness
before her death was the happiness he had in his love for her; and her
death was a misfortune to which he looked forward, rather than regret
an unhappy past. He did not say that the future of a human being is
sacred, and he did not believe that it was for ever sealed. He would
accept no theory that limited his will or the power of human effort.
He loved this life of ours as a great joy, and he took from it as much
pleasure as he was able. But at the same time he was convinced that it
was not his to enjoy, and he was resigned. He never gave in to the idea
of suicide. He believed that a man was always doing what he ought to do,
even when he did not feel inclined to act.
The first few months of 1874 were dark in that house. M. Gaston
Durand, though at a distance, with his love, was constantly thinking of
them. He would have given half of the little that remained to him to be
near them. But he could do nothing for them. There was nothing in M.
Jérôme’s power or strength to which he could appeal; there was nothing
in his love that he could claim. And he could not even think of
offering the poor exile the affection and the interest of his daily
life. Mme. Jérôme was no more; and M. Jérôme and his children were
alone together. As the poet wrote:
“All alone on earth we are, in all this dark,
And the earth itself, without thee, would seem to die,
More sad by night than by the waning of the day,
When we, with a faint voice, must cry out unto the star.”
M. Jérôme was alone; but not very often did he suffer the dark mood
that filled the house; for he knew that this solitude was an
undertaking for life. Those who remained were strong; and one was young.
He would be able to bear the loneliness, that brought so many tears in
other days. And if these thoughts came to him at certain moments, he
would send them away. He thought of Mme. Jérôme, and he said, “We must
not be sad. We must live together for our children, and for her who is
not here. And as we live together we must be happy. If we are not happy
we shall be unhappy.”
On April 1st of that year M. Jérôme and his eldest son set off on a
walk. It was cold, but clear, and the air was full of the fresh smell
of the mountain. When they reached Greyrock and looked towards the sea
they saw a fine rain falling over the rocks and breaking over the
highest ridges of the mountain