I Have the Advantage...For Once..." "You're just overplaying it this time, aren't you?" I retort. "Yeah," says Eric. "This time you got us beat." "Hey," Mews cut in. "What the hell? Let's all just calm down and see what's going on." "You guys can do whatever the hell you want," Eric sneers. "Fine," I say. "Do whatever you want. I'm going to bed." I walk into my room and fall into bed, trying not to think about my awful nightmares. At least it was a pleasant dream compared to most of the ones I've had recently. This one was even better than usual, and I'll probably be thinking about it for a while. I don't know why, but I've had these dreams lately that are almost too perfect to be real. It's like my mind is building them up to be something that never was, but I know they're actually happening. It feels like my mind is giving me some kind of insight that would be too far-fetched to be possible. They're supposed to be crazy and crazy doesn't ever happen to me. This has all happened before. I know it has, and I'm sure I'll figure it all out in time. For now, I have other problems I need to deal with. I'm going to sleep. That's something normal people do, but I never sleep unless I'm being forced to. It's too risky to fall asleep when things could go wrong at any minute. I do feel a little better after I've slept for a while, so I get out of bed and go into the kitchen. It's almost six o'clock and the sun is out. There is a note from Eric on the table next to the coffee pot. " _I got called in to work. I'll be back in a couple of hours. If you're still awake, call me. I'll give you a ride to class."_ I know Eric has to get back to work and I do have to get back to class, but I'm not going anywhere. It's a nice day and I think it would be a nice day to spend with Eric. I could have done that on the first day of school and instead of having this weird dinner, he was just sitting there. I know I'm right about what's going on. This is Eric trying to keep me on his side. I'm not going to let it work. I pick up the phone and dial. "Hello?" says Eric. "Is this you?" "I'm not calling you." "You're on my phone. You can't use this phone without my permission." "You never said that before." "Now I'm saying it." "Where is your phone?" "In my pocket." "Come downstairs and get it for me. You need my permission to use it." "The hell I do." "Go get it or I'm calling the police." "So now you want to call the cops? And what if I call the cops? You don't have anything on me to do that." "If you don't go get it right now, I'm calling the police." "Okay, okay. Hold on." I hear him moving around, probably checking to see what he has in his pockets. It takes a while for him to find it. "You have me on speaker phone, and I have a feeling that would make the cops a little happier than you." "Shut up." He clicks his phone off, then clicks it back on. He's making this real easy for me to record him and even easier to show to the police, if things got to that point. "Hey, Mom, I need you to send me your credit card. I left mine in the car. It's the one that says 'Mom' on it." "What for?" "I have to order some food on Amazon." "What for?" "I don't know. You know me better than anyone, so maybe you can think of something." "You got a problem?" he asks. "Don't tell me you have to stay up all night studying for a test." "I'm not doing any of that. It's just that I've gotten my driver's license and I want a cheap digital camera." "I don't think that's going to happen." "But I want one. Don't you want me to have something on which to take pictures? I'm not really good with a camera." "You can get a disposable camera for cheap. I'll get it for you. What color do you want? You can pick whatever color you want." "Get whatever you want." "Just shut up and pay attention to me. We're trying to keep our grades up here." "Whatever you say, Eric." "I'm getting the camera." "I said 'whatever you say, Eric.'" "I'm getting the camera. What kind of pictures do you want me to take?" "You can pick out the model for me. There are a few different ones." "What about what camera you want? Is there anything else you want?" "Just get me the camera." "Alright. You know how much I'm not going to spend on a stupid camera. What about the books? What if you borrow mine?" "Thanks, Eric. I'll have the camera in the mail by the time you get back." "So we're good?" "We're great. Everything's great." I hang up on him. # Chapter Six "You can't do that." I don't respond. I can't really see any reason to start talking to Eric. He won't even be up for another hour and a half, so it's not like he's going anywhere. I could spend the next few minutes explaining to him that he's wrong, but there's really nothing to be gained from the time invested in talking to him. There's no good explanation for why he's getting so pissed off at me. It doesn't even make sense to me, but I feel like it's my fault he's being this way. He's mad at me, which isn't so unusual. I've been getting more angry with him than he's ever been with me lately. I can understand if he's starting to get angry at me, too. It has to be difficult when he's having so many problems with his grades and I'm having so many problems with my teachers. He probably thinks I'm just a selfish, ungrateful, spoiled brat. I don't know if that's really true, but I do know that I haven't always been the best son. I can see why he would have a hard time dealing with me right now. "You can't just hang up on me," he says. "It's my phone, and I should be able to do whatever the hell I want with it. You're getting way too emotional about this stuff." "You don't even know how I feel." "I'm your brother. I know you." "What if I don't know you?" "Come on, Maddy. I'm the one who lives here." "Don't say 'here.' Don't say 'live.' Don't say anything at all." "Come on, Maddy. You can't keep denying that you feel this way about me. I mean, really. You've never told me that much about your life before I moved in with you. All the girls you're used to hanging out with, and none of them have any problem talking about it, but you don't talk about yourself. You know me for half your life now, and I know a lot about you, but you never told me much about your life before me. Now that you're living here with me, the secrets are gone." "It's not like that." "Then what is it like?" "I'm not going to be talking about it." "It's funny how all of a sudden you want to be here when you know what you've been through." "You're just making this worse for yourself." "Maybe I have to." I can't just stand here and pretend I'm not mad. He keeps making me madder and madder. "I can't believe you're saying that." "I can't believe you were making jokes about me just a couple of days ago." "You know me better than to think I'd do that." "I think I know better than you." I turn away. I can't stand it anymore. I want to go to bed and take a nap, but instead of going into the bedroom, I go into the living room and sit down on the couch. My whole life, I've been the weirdo who never took a stand or made any decisions. I've always done whatever anyone else wanted me to do. As much as I don't want it, Eric's been trying to force me to think for myself. I have to do something. He has to be doing something I want. How am I ever supposed to figure out what that is