You’re stuck in my head and I can’t get you out of it. I don’t know how many days I’ve listened to you, but I want you to go. I’m listening to you again and I’m gonna start counting the days until you’re gone. You know that I want to fuck you, but I’m not gonna fuck you anymore. It’s been too long. I need to fuck someone, I’m really missing fucking. But you have no ass or tits or pussy to fuck. You’re a ghost, and if you can fuck, why can’t you leave? I’ve had some dark nights recently. The way that depression makes you feel empty and hollow seems to work up some emotions, that were pushed way down and deep down inside of me. I’m not gonna say who it is that I haven’t been able to get back. But it’s left me feeling empty and I have spent the last few weeks trying to cope with that emptiness. I’m not gonna lie, at some point I wanted to give up on love. I guess we all do at some point in our lives. I would’ve said that I haven’t, but in the last few weeks I realised that love and affection can never be relied upon, and if that’s all we have to keep us going in life, then what is the point? What if your partner leaves you, dies or anything? You’re gonna be left with nothing, your hope would’ve been lost, if you had any. So there is no point in living. You’re living a dream and you’re waiting for a reality that’s never gonna happen. I guess this isn’t the world to be trapped by the words ‘you can’t do this, you can’t do that’. Fuck. And that’s when I got back onto Tinder. I didn’t really think anything of it until I heard about this guy. He was a few years younger than me. We were on the same nights out. We had similar taste in music. We had similar interest in women. We had a lot in common and one night he actually told me that he had been on Tinder before too. He kept his profile hidden, he wouldn’t tell me anything else, but that’s enough for me. That’s what sealed the deal for me. I got back onto Tinder, and I felt myself getting excited just by looking at some guys profile. I realised the reason that I was having a difficult time moving forward in relationships with the women that I was seeing was because I just didn’t really feel any excitement from them anymore. A lot of the women that I had been seeing, they don’t really know how to fuck, I mean they know how to get fucked, but I feel like they only know how to receive it. They wouldn’t do anything other than maybe some dirty talk or some light petting. So why bother? But looking at the men on Tinder, I knew that I’d be having a lot of fun with them. I messaged this one guy that I’ve been talking to on Facebook for a few months. He was the first guy that I’ve ever met that could satisfy me in bed. I haven’t met a guy like him before and he’s exactly the kind of guy I was looking for. He’s into the same kinds of things that I am. And he’s an absolute fucking legend in bed. He has these long fingers that can work my prostate, and he is the best lover that I’ve ever had. It just felt right when I messaged him. I knew that we would have an amazing time together, and I didn’t even need to bother speaking to him on Tinder. So after two weeks of chatting back and forth with this guy, I messaged him. And in all honesty I felt nervous when I sent that message, but what was I worried about? I knew that I loved this guy. We messaged for a few days, messing with each other, and eventually we said our goodbyes. We both decided that it would be best if we spent our time apart, just to clear our heads and so we wouldn’t be worried about our communication being interrupted. But when we finally gave each other our first kiss, I knew that I had found someone that could complete me. That first kiss took me to another fucking dimension. The night we kissed was on the 8th of November and that evening started with me sending a text to him. As he would send me a response, every hour or so, every time I saw a firework it was just like… I felt so excited. It was the best feeling. Even if it had been a bad day, and I knew it was going to be a bad day, I still felt great. We continued talking for a couple of weeks and eventually ended up meeting for the first time on the 14th of November. We met at the top of our local mountain, I hadn’t seen him since we said goodbye, and I felt so good to see him again. The firework was still there. We went back down the mountain and drove to a nearby town, where he would give me a tour of the city. We went from pub to pub, it was amazing. After about an hour and a half of driving and we arrived at the city centre, where he asked me if I wanted to go back to his place. We arrived back at his place and spent a few hours having sex in the living room. His dog was right outside the door as we fucked, and it made it that much better for me. I know that he was probably a bit worried about my first time with him being around his dog, but as long as I kept the dog quiet I wouldn’t have any problems. So that’s what I did, we made sure that the dog was quiet and that I was comfortable enough to fuck. After a while he came into the living room and he sat down on the couch with me. The most exciting thing happened while I was sitting on his couch. He saw a small plane flying by, but he couldn’t see me, so he sent me a photo. Then something really bizarre happened. We spoke about how bad he wanted to kiss me, but we never got around to it. It wasn’t until later that we decided that we should do it, but we didn’t want to overdo it, so we decided that the first time it would be just for a second. We messaged each other for a bit to warm up, then suddenly he messaged me and asked if I wanted to come over. I could hear the excitement in his voice, he was like my school kid when he’s asked if he’s been picked for the football team. I couldn’t wait to be able to kiss him. I knew it would be something special. We spent our time together over the next few weeks talking and seeing each other whenever he was free from work. A few weeks later, we talked to each other online one day after work, and he said he really wanted to fuck me. I told him that it would be great if he fucked me. He came over the next evening, and we fucked for about two hours. After that we decided that it was time for me to leave. I got to spend almost two hours with him that evening, just fucking, and it was the best fucking I’ve ever had in my life. We spent two more days together before he left for America. I had to leave a week later, and it was so fucking hard. I knew it would be good. That fucking week before he left was the best fucking week of my life, but it was almost as hard. I was sitting at home, waiting for him to come back, and it was fucking hard. We tried so hard to keep up a good energy when we were apart, but we were both just incredibly nervous that we wouldn’t get back together. I thought about the good times, and the bad times that we had, the times that he almost killed himself and I nearly died because of depression. I knew that I loved this guy, I knew that he made me feel good about myself. I knew that he was perfect for me and that he was the person that could make me truly happy, like I had never been before. I messaged him while he was on the airplane, and asked him what the first thing he would say to me was after he had woken up. I had a feeling that his answer would be something really weird. He said: “If I saw a little grey box on the seat next to me, I would say that there was an earphone in the middle of it, and that it would be there for him to use. He was happy to know that I was here and that I would be around for a long time.” It was amazing. I knew that he would make me happy. We made plans for when we would meet again, and I knew that there was something big coming up in the next two months. I really hope that I can see him again soon. But I will never forget the first day I saw him in that fucking bed. He had a little teddy bear that he had used as a pillow. He looked so peaceful while we lay there and after some time passed, he fell asleep and I looked at him in his sleep. As he lay on his back, with