It's Merge Time, baby. Don't mess with my dope." "Yeah, well, I get a bit sick of always being the black sheep. I'd say the two of us have some old baggage to unpack." "Yeah. We do. And I'm guessing you're not going to dump your junk because we can't afford the trip." Tyrone's expression remained level. "This is the job I was given. I'm not going to do it any differently." "And to think I'm the one with the messed-up family." "You can't say you're the only one with messed-up family. Just look at our folks—even the ones who haven't had a drink since before our moms were born." "True. I suppose that makes us lucky in a way. Now, tell me what these dudes want with you." "It's what I've been asking myself ever since we got to this place." "You mean why us?" "Yeah. Why us?" "You'd be surprised at the number of folks who hate the ghetto, if that's what they're calling this area. That has nothing to do with us." "That's for damn sure." "This guy probably thinks he's some kind of a hero, and that just pisses me off." "What do you know about heroes?" Tyrone asked. "More than some of us. At least I get to feel the breeze sometimes." She turned her head and lifted her chin to the breeze. "And it feels nice." "Look, man, I've never said it was a picnic, but I'm fine with where I am. I'm not looking for an ideal spot, or even a place that's easy to manage, but it's cool with me. I have to get a house soon anyway, and a bigger one would be better, but I don't need to see that right now." "I don't have a place either, and I'm not even thinking about it. When you have something you don't want to give up, that's the time you shouldn't. Things will work themselves out." "Yeah. I don't know about that. What I've seen of life makes me skeptical. I still have some hope left, but not much. I may not even have it when I finish my time at the center." "Don't get all dark and grouchy on me. I have more hope than you know." Tyrone shrugged. "It's cool." "I guess we've been lucky so far, or maybe it's God's will. He knows exactly what we're supposed to do." "Yeah, well, some things might be better off in someone else's hands." Tyrone was silent for a few seconds. "I just hate not knowing what's coming next, being at the mercy of another's will. And if I could get away from this kind of gig, I would. I know there are other ways to make money, but I'd still have to take orders from someone. It sucks. No offense." Tasha laughed. "None taken. That's about what I expect you to say." Tyrone grinned. "Maybe we can go out to the coast, get ourselves a couple of nice little towns like the ones in California." "And the women?" "We have no complaints in that department," he said, and then he winked at her. "Don't let your eyes bug out, man. I think I'm too old to start dating." "A woman like you, you can start dating anytime you like." He grinned and she smiled. "I guess. I just want to focus on school for a while. I'm not even thinking about a job." "What about the other job you talked about? You haven't said much about that since I met you." "It doesn't matter. I can't. I can't even look at the stuff anymore." "It's cool with me. I'm glad to be out of it. You know what I can't figure out is why they gave me an easy job, but you had to do hard time. Maybe it's because you're black." "That's my guess." Tasha knew that she was about to lose Tyrone and she could see the longing in his eyes. He knew she felt the same, too, but they still hadn't had a chance to get over the fact that their lives were going in different directions. He had chosen a job, and that had been a good thing. It had also meant that they would never be able to afford to travel the way they had planned, and it had meant leaving one of their favorite places. There were no guarantees in life, she reminded herself. "I hope we can get together soon. I have so many questions for you," he said, and she nodded. It was time for her to look for another job as well, and it was clear that he wouldn't be with her, regardless of what she did. They both watched the boys from a distance. They appeared to be having fun, but they both knew better than to let themselves get too close to what they were doing. "It's time," Tasha said and she reached out for Tyrone's hand. He took hers in his and led her back to where they'd parked. Tasha knew they would have to keep their distance from each other for now, at least until Tyrone could make arrangements for her to live someplace else. She looked up at the new sun and smiled. There were plenty of things to occupy her mind for now. Maybe, one day, she'd see him again. She felt lighter than she had since they'd walked into the house where the boys had held them. She leaned back in her seat and smiled. She felt clean and unstained. ## CHAPTER TEN Once they'd returned home, Tasha cleaned the house. Every time she ran the vacuum cleaner, she thought about leaving. She had to remind herself that they would be leaving soon, but it felt wrong to move away when they'd come so far. She should have left sooner. She knew that. It would have made things easier for her, but it would have meant a life without Tyrone and she wasn't ready to do that. He'd become her refuge, her safe place. She finished the last of the cleaning, made a cup of tea, and sat down at the table. It had been months since they had eaten there, but there were remnants of the lunch she'd prepared for him. She knew they would only be able to eat out on special occasions when she had the time. She took one sip of the tea and decided that, for the first time in her life, she could sit without her heart beating wildly. They were leaving, but for the moment she could savor what she had. She could appreciate the quiet and the solitude. She could breathe the fresh air and pretend that nothing was wrong with her life. She could take a bath, and eat the food she loved, and then she would be ready. She would feel ready. She started to wonder what would have happened if she had lived a different life. If she had been in an accident and had lost the baby. She tried to imagine her life without Tasha in it, but she didn't know what that life would have been like. It seemed so unfair to Tasha that she had lived most of her life trying to make things better, and now she was going away, leaving a person behind that had brought her so much peace. Tasha knew that no matter what happened in her life, she would always be blessed for Tasha's birth. It would have been nice to find someone who could love her as well. Someone who cared about her enough to be with her, to love her, to fight with her, to live with her. Some other mother would have had the chance to love her child. Tasha knew that she would have loved Tasha, loved her more than she loved herself, but she would never be able to know what it would have been like to have a mother and father. She could wonder all she wanted, but she would never know. The only thing she could do was give Tasha the best mother she could, just like Tasha had done for her. It seemed strange that she was the one who had cared for Tasha while her parents hadn't. She stared into her teacup and stared at the reflection of the kitchen as it was around her. The table was strewn with paper and pens and there was a half-eaten muffin left over from breakfast. Her own reflection startled her, but for some reason, she felt as if it had come from the depths of her soul. She was staring at the truth of who she was, and it frightened her. She could never explain why she was sitting there. She could never explain to herself why she felt like she had been in a trance and hadn't realized it until now. She could never explain how she had come to that moment, or why the thought of facing Tyrone again made her smile, even laugh. She thought it was because Tyrone would be leaving as well, and for the first time in months she could face him with a smile on her face. She knew it wasn't possible, but she