I'm wondering why in the world the word "fascinating" doesn't show up anywhere in your text. There isn't one instance of it. It also doesn't appear in the title or subtitle, which is kind of strange since that is the first word that should come to mind for the reader when they are asked what the word means. I know that using it doesn't mean that the word can't be used. I just felt like I needed to point that out. Perhaps you could substitute the word "fascinating" in the text, when appropriate, to add another level of fun? I also love that the last paragraph ends with "... I might very well be more comfortable going to school than being a writer." What? It doesn't mean anything to change your life's path unless you're an athlete who wants to play basketball or football. There's an obvious reason this paragraph is included here, though I'm not sure it works within the context of your own story. It's kind of weird. Just my two cents. Anyway, this was a fun read and I hope you don't mind a little constructive criticism. I thought it would make for a fun read. Again, it is very apparent that you have put a lot of work into it. Best of luck in future endeavors. I think this is an excellent story and well written. It's refreshing to read a love story like this and to see two people who are willing to take a risk. I like that the girl does not become dependent on the boy. Good stuff. I was a bit confused by the description of the writing process -- I had it first go to the second stage, so it took me a minute to realize the story was headed toward a writing contest. A fun concept, and I was surprised that most of the time it was well done. Not bad for your first attempt! I enjoyed this story and found it very honest and sweet. I liked how the girl wasn't so desperate to change her image to look like her mom and she didn't turn into a frumpy old lady at 40! This story made me think because I couldn't imagine a guy that age not wanting to have the body he had before but I also can't see myself with a husband younger than myself. Good job though on being honest with both yourself and your story. I didn't find that at all hard to do! I thought the story was amazing and really well written! There is no way I could have made it through this short story. There were just so many plot twists. The main thing I really didn't like was your writing style. I found it very simplistic, a little boring and very repetitive. It was like reading an auto-biography or a biography of myself... not very engaging. It reads more like a diary than a story. I think some of your narrative should have been altered to change up the flow of the story and lessen the repetition. Also, you may want to check your title. One might think it's supposed to be another word than "cute" or "sweet" or even "killing". But I don't think those work as well as "cute" for this particular story. You might want to consider that. Overall, this story could easily have been condensed and made a bit more concise. The way it is written, there were a lot of parts that didn't seem needed or that could have been removed without taking away from the story. You can have an incredible idea that takes the wind out of your sails if you don't make it through the first couple of chapters and give your reader an idea of what to expect. I would recommend rewriting this and then read it again to see if it's as good as you first thought it was. As mentioned by another reviewer, the phrase "killing" gets used repeatedly. It's cute, but doesn't flow well. Although I did enjoy this book, there were some spelling and grammar issues. I did not understand "mystical" to mean some "mystic thing." Perhaps I'm missing something... I really like the way you're writing, the use of proper grammar and the way you build up the emotion as it builds on the characters. It's a good story, but it feels like it needs a bit more character development. Thanks! Good work! There were a few grammar and spelling errors that kept me from loving it. But you sure do a great job with the dialogue and character development. I'll keep reading and will try to learn to read better. Nice job. I found this story very sweet, and it is definitely a fun read. I'm intrigued about the character's love life and wish to see what happens in the next story. As one reviewer noted, you have a tendency to include a bunch of "pretty" words, like "fabulous" and "awesome." Don't get me wrong, you have a great ear and you use them really well, so I guess I can live with that for now, but try to be more spontaneous sometimes. Hi Loretta! This is an awesome story so far and I am having a lot of fun reading it! : ) You did a good job describing the room and it's decor. It's a room where you can see through and the whole room is decorated with books that can be seen through. The use of pink and yellow with the flower centerpiece really brought it all together. The room has a wonderful vibe to it. The girl is cute. She seems like she's the nicest and most thoughtful of all the girls in her school, but there was nothing to hold my attention. It's funny that she's sitting at her desk in class and she turns to the guy and says that she got detention. I'm surprised by how mean the guy is to her. He seemed to like her and be her friend, but the way he acted, I would have never guessed. But, I like that you threw in a little bit of something unexpected. I love the conversation between the girl and the guy's mom. It's so hilarious to me that a mom doesn't recognize her daughter. My mom would know her anywhere. The girl's response was completely real and I think that was a good choice. The scene where they were sitting in the chair eating was funny to read. The two of them were on the floor, just chatting and eating. They were very comfortable in a totally random spot. It was cool that he made a chair out of books and made a small table out of some books. It was funny to see how the guy's hair turned out to be pretty wild, which is very common in my school! I totally understand about the hair being in a ponytail. If my hair is long and I have a ponytail, it doesn't look very nice at all. The idea of the girl helping the boy out with his project was so cute. She was actually using her own project to help him. I don't know why, but it seemed like a lot of fun. I enjoyed the book so far. I was happy to have a little laugh. This is a fun story and you did a great job with it. I look forward to reading more. There were a few things that really stood out in this story to me. The first was that the tone of the piece seemed rather depressing. There was some kind of sadness in the story that I couldn't quite place. There was also a lot of negativity on the boy's part and in one scene he even admits that he had hurt the girl. I'm not sure what happened to them, but I'm interested to see what happens next. At one point the writer goes out of her way to call the characters "pretty" and "cute" to describe them. She needs to rethink the language in some instances because it makes the reader cringe when she says things like that and it makes the reader feel like she is talking down to her audience. I wish the writer would find some more colorful language to use instead. For example, "fabulous," "super," "cute," "lovely," and "sweet" can become boring very quickly. There are also some strange references to "weird" books. I never did find out what a "weird" book was, but the idea that a man (the boy's father)