Don't be Blinded by the Headlights" A few years ago, my boyfriend and I took a road trip up the coast to Portland, Oregon. We were headed up north for a wedding, and our first stop was the beach where I grew up. When I was young, I used to think that being in the ocean was fun, and I was really excited about what I saw. But after I put my hand in the water, it got cold quickly, and then it started to feel like something from science class. So cold! Water is very un-fun. When my boyfriend and I arrived, we found a secluded spot where the Pacific Ocean was coming in and crashing down onto the rocks. It was exhilarating! We ran up to the top of the beach and jumped into the ocean as it crashed onto the rocks below. Then we played in the crashing waves and watched the sunset. We both started to feel better, and as we got back to our car, we looked back at the sunset and I thought to myself, Wow. This is the greatest thing ever! I would die for a sunset like that! We kept driving for a couple of hours and then got to my boyfriend's sister's house, where we hung out for the evening. The evening was amazing because my sister-in-law is super cool. But to be honest, I didn't even remember the sunset that day because I was too busy being amazed by the coolness of my sister-in-law! As we sat on her fire escape on a rainy night, she poured wine for us, while we talked about our childhoods and life. It was a pretty warm moment for me, but I think I missed it because we were talking about our childhoods, which really isn't the best of topics to talk about when you've just traveled thousands of miles and been in the ocean. Anyway, it was a really nice experience and we had a fun time together. But let's be honest. We weren't really talking about anything other than our childhoods. At the wedding, there was a lot of talk about family. My brother had told me that in one of his dreams, my mom told him that my favorite color was yellow. My dad had a dream where my dad said that I loved to walk up the street. My brother's wife said that in her dream, she heard a voice say something to her, and it said my sister's name. These things don't sound like a sign to me. I guess these things can mean different things to different people. I love my parents and brother, but in my dreams, they didn't say things like, Hey, I'm your family, and oh yeah, your favorite color is yellow! I just don't see these dreams as a sign that there is any connection between me and my family. I'm not saying that no one will ever see those dreams as a sign, but it's not like my family is making a big deal about it. For me, my family is just my family. I don't think my dreams about my family and my dreams about my body are connected, and I'm going to treat them both the same. When you see a sign, it may be important to you. You might think it's weird and it makes you feel some strong emotion. Or it may not make you feel anything. Either way, it's just a sign. It's a sign to yourself, but it's also a sign to the universe. The universe might be telling you that it's time to stop feeling sad or feeling like you don't have enough money. It could be telling you that it's time for you to be happy, or it's time for you to spend more time with friends, or time with your family, or time doing something that you love. I don't know what the sign is, but I do know that you can choose to look for it. You can choose to see it. If you look around you every day, there are so many amazing things that go unnoticed. The sign that my brother was talking about was a sign for him. He needed to remember the dreams to feel better. But as you know, signs are pretty much a thing of the past and very few people still believe in them. If you believe in signs, that's okay. But for people who don't, don't be so hard on yourself if you find that sign. The dream my dad had was a sign to him, but he wasn't looking for a sign, he was just sharing the dream with his wife. The dream his wife had was a sign to her, and now she knows that she should keep the idea of having children in the back of her mind. It was a sign for her, but she didn't believe it. Sometimes things don't make sense. When people do and say weird things to you, sometimes you have to decide whether they're trying to trick you or if they're not trying to trick you. We'll talk about that more. If it's not a sign, then it's just a coincidence, and coincidences are not always something to get angry about. If you can't stop the anger, that's okay, but you can get angry, and it's okay to show it. But remember, it's not about you being angry, it's about what the universe is doing and what the universe means to you. If it makes you feel better to yell and scream at somebody who tried to trick you, that's okay. But I always say that it's never okay for the person who feels better to feel even better. But sometimes when people do a good thing, it can be okay to forgive them and forget. It can be okay to pretend like the bad thing didn't happen. If it doesn't make you feel too bad, that's okay too. This is why signs can be complicated. They're not a fixed thing, they're just random things. They're a chance to look for a sign. A chance to look for a blessing. A chance to see the bright side of your life. And when you do see a sign, take it seriously. No, it's not going to change your life overnight, and it might not change it all at once. Sometimes signs don't show up until you're about to change everything. It's hard for us to look for signs when we're so busy. Life is too busy. But you can make a sign and then take it from there. Let's talk about that next. Faking It Making Choices and Learning Life Lessons "Faking It" Sometimes I'm having a bad day at work, or I'm frustrated with the way things are going in my life. I decide that maybe I should do something nice for myself, like plan a dinner out with a girlfriend or boyfriend. I get ready, buy the ingredients, cook the meal, and have a great time with my boyfriend or girlfriend. I make a great dinner. I'm feeling good, until the next day when I get back to my shitty job. It happens a lot at work too. Maybe I'm trying to write a proposal. Or sometimes a big project comes along at work and things don't work out the way we think they're going to go. We find out that we have to rewrite what we've written. We have to edit our project. Whatever it is you do for a living, it's hard to not be disappointed when you don't get the result you're looking for. But it's okay to be disappointed. You should always want things to go your way. But sometimes, you just have to face it—your plan didn't work out. It's okay to feel disappointed, and it's okay to be upset about it. This happens to everyone. Nobody is good at everything, and we don't all get to have all the fun. Don't make any excuses. I'm not telling you that you have to go out and buy a new car because you're disappointed that the one you bought broke down and you had to get a new one. But the point is that we should learn lessons from these disappointments. You should learn things when they don't go your way, so that you can move on with your life. But sometimes, it's not easy to not be upset when things don't work out the way we expect them to. Maybe you really wanted that job to pay you more money and so you don't want to quit, even if your boss is a dick. You don't want to tell your boss that she's a bad boss, because maybe she's a really nice person, or maybe she's been a good boss for you in the past. So you have to tell yourself that it's okay not to take that job, and it's okay not to try to do things the way your boss expects you to. Just because you don't take the job, doesn't mean that you don't love your boss. And if you're really really good at the job, maybe it's a good sign to take it, but if you want to quit, quit. It's okay not to stay. It's okay to have control over your life. It's okay to have a say in the type of life you want to live. But I don't know what it's like to work at the doctor's office, where you work forty hours a week and take home a paycheck, while you work the rest of your life away, and then die. Sometimes it might be hard for me to imagine what it would be like, and it might be hard for some