Last of Us 2 Griefers for a while now, and I figured that in my free time I might as well try it. The controls for each game are quite simple: hold “attack” and tap the action you wish the character to perform, releasing attack to stop that action. You’ll run up to enemies and attack, jump over walls and climb ladders, sneak around corners and hide in bushes. One button is used for “action” like picking up an object and another for “action” like shooting a gun. The problem is that it takes a lot of skill to play. You need quick reflexes, concentration, timing, ability to multitask and so on and on. I can’t play a lot of these games. I’ve played some for hours before and ended up just watching someone else who enjoys being able to pull off a bunch of moves that I just can’t seem to pull off. My friend, who I’ve been gaming with, also pointed out that the games are very addictive. I know from experience, but having it affirmed by someone I trust means that I’m safe from addiction. Now, I have a good enough relationship with myself that I don’t need to rely on someone else to tell me when to stop. If I start playing more than usual, I know I’m about to get into trouble. As far as I can tell, that’s what happens when one is addicted to playing games. The problem is I don’t always know what’s wrong. My first thought when I hear about addiction in my society is drugs. That’s what addiction is mostly associated with. Addicts become slaves to substances, because it’s hard to walk away from something that puts you in a better place than you were before. In a way, I suppose that’s true, but this feeling is about a game. I like that kind of feeling so much, so how do I get myself to walk away? My first thought was that I had to take a break. I started thinking of game after game that would be good for my brain. The problem with this is that it’s a bit of an oxymoron: I can’t really take a break from gaming because I love it so much, just like there’s nothing else in my life right now I like more than I love gaming. Still, there’s a way to break the cycle. Some of the problems come from the fact that I’m thinking about what games I can play to get this feeling. It’s like a drug: I think of drugs and the next thing I know, I’m addicted. Maybe what I need to do is just leave it alone for a while. What kind of game would I play that doesn’t involve shooting anyone, sneaking around or running for my life? Perhaps I should just relax and let myself become obsessed with a game that I love without worrying about the possible problems it might cause. As I think about this, I start remembering times I felt so good that it was hard to take my attention away from what I was doing. In that case, it was being in a certain place, like in the summer with the sun shining down on you, enjoying the sun, seeing all the colors and letting the sounds of birds singing wash over you, seeing the clouds moving across the sky. But what does any of that have to do with gaming? Thinking about gaming seems like a waste of time, even though I get this awesome feeling from it. I’m about to break through. There’s a way for me to do this that involves gaming and that’s what I need to do. I can still have my fun, and perhaps play more games to get to that place. When I get to that point, if I want to get away, I can stop playing. And if I want to keep going, it’s going to be harder to get rid of me. I might as well have fun now while it’s easy. And if I do end up addicted, it’s going to be okay, because I love what I’m doing. On the one hand, I can see the logic in this. Gaming is addictive. There’s a very good reason for that: it’s fun and interesting and you never know what’s going to happen next. I find that kind of addictive. So if I want to get away from that feeling of not knowing what’s going to happen next, I need to stop having that feeling. The question I have is how do I find that new feeling? The first step is coming to the same conclusion everyone else seems to be coming to: I have to break away from the game. What makes this harder for me is that I can’t leave the game that I have right now. If I try, my mind makes sure that I get caught up in another game. It’s like an addiction. Right now I can see how all of this works together. I can see that each game I play I’m going to get better at it. So, getting better at the game makes it easier to stop gaming for a while. Of course, then I get bored because I can’t really find anything that’s fun. This makes it easier to go back and find another game. I can’t break this cycle, because there’s nothing to break the cycle from. This is about my mind and there’s nothing I can do about that. But there’s nothing that I can’t do to make the game more interesting and this is all part of the problem. The bottom line is that if I want to get away from these thoughts and get that good feeling I’ve been having, I’m going to have to play a game that’s not about shooting people, sneaking around and running for your life. So I need to choose a game that doesn’t have any of those elements. If I have to leave the game, I should pick a game that has the most variety and diversity. So, this is a problem that is going to be very hard to overcome. My mind is already fighting me to keep the game going. But, it’s the only thing I’ve got right now. So, if I want to get that good feeling again, I need to take a break. But I’m going to have to do more than just play a game. If I want to truly break away from the game, I have to give up the thing that’s keeping me from it: other people. The idea that I need to stop gaming is going to be unpopular with others. I can do this because I want to and I want to break away from the game. There’s going to be no good reason for this. What they’ll think is that I’m getting away from them and that’s what they think is good for me. They think that gaming is good for me, but it’s not. What if gaming isn’t good for me and they’re right? Then what’s good for me is that I get away from them. It makes me wonder if there’s more to this than just liking gaming. Could it be that what I like is people and gaming is an addiction that I’m having trouble controlling? If I’m having trouble controlling it, how come I still keep having these ideas about what games to play? I have a thought that the only way I can get these ideas is if I need to have them in order to keep gaming. If I get rid of all the people in the world, these ideas will stop and I’ll be left with gaming. That would be very good for me. Because I like gaming, I don’t think I’ll need to quit gaming to stop having these ideas. Once I’ve got all the people in the world off my back, I won’t have to worry about having those ideas and I’ll be able to stop gaming. The problem is there’s something holding me back from this idea. I don’t know what that is. If I could just let it go, it would be a piece of cake to stop gaming. After thinking this over for a while, I realize that there’s something missing from this picture. I think I need to get rid of all the gaming platforms, both mobile devices and consoles. I guess that would be the only way that I can keep these thoughts away. The idea of taking away all of those people from my life seems easy, because I don’t really enjoy the company of others. I wouldn’t want to get rid of all of them because of the pleasure they give me. So, if I want to go ahead with my plan, I’ll have to start a new life, separate from the people I care about and where they live. This is starting to look like the road not traveled. I wonder if it’s really a better idea or not? Should I stick with the old plan and keep everyone around me just