We spent our time together over the next few weeks. We would hang out, have dinner at our place or his, catch a movie and just be together. It was a great relationship. I had heard and he confirmed that he had never had a serious relationship in the past and that my friendship was important to him. When I told him I was ready to do this, that I didn't want a relationship but just what we had started to have together, he said that he wanted that too, just without the commitment. In talking with him after that we both agreed that we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives and that it was our goal to do so. Then one day we decided to spend the day together as the two of us only. We got a room in a hotel close to where he worked. We ended up going to bed in that room that night. Nothing sexual was planned but I ended up in a position where I felt he was going to have sex with me. I was extremely uncomfortable. It ended up being extremely awkward. I didn't know what to do. We didn't talk the rest of the night but the next morning we each said we were ok with what happened and went about our day. When we got back to his house he pulled me aside and said "Thank you, that was a great memory. We've been there and back a few times in the past few years and that one was great. I never really liked sex before that one." It was a great day but it scared me. I told him how uncomfortable I was and how I really needed to sort some things out in my head. He said that he had been trying to figure those things out for himself and was finally feeling more comfortable with himself and wanted to have sex again. He said he really loved me and he just wanted to be with me. He said he felt his family did not understand him at all and that it had taken him his whole life to feel ok with himself and that it was important to him to share that with me. I still felt uncomfortable because of what happened. I have to deal with my feelings and make a decision about if this is someone I want to be with. I don't know if he thinks that since we had that amazing time together that I want to continue this and be his girlfriend or if I should tell him that I don't feel comfortable having sex with him. How can I make a decision about if I want to be with this guy and continue our relationship or tell him that we need to stop. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I hope you can help me. A: There is some history there between the two of you. You have given a good description of what the event is like in your heart, and the feelings that comes from that event. This has given me a lot of clarity in my own relationship and a couple of others. There are a few principles that I found helpful, for instance in relation to sex and love. I suggest you look back on the first time you had sex together, and ask yourself the following questions: Did you have your heart on your sleeve, or a bit distant? Did you try to keep your heart distant by saying no? What feelings did you have? (Remember you may not have spoken about this) Were you in a place to fully commit? Or were you thinking of the next day? What is the difference between the above and what you have gone through? What lessons have you learned? After having said all of that, I think that what you need to do is to put aside the negative feeling that was present the first time you had sex. After that first time, you had a great time together. You shared an experience of great intimacy. You also created a bond of mutual trust. Neither of you felt manipulated and you both went through the experience. To ask yourself if you are still in love is too broad. First of all, are you? You can feel the lack of a connection and intimacy, but it does not mean that there is no love left. You have also said that you two feel strongly about each other, and that it scares you. The event you went through was a powerful and intimate bonding event. I have no doubt that after the event, your relationship has grown. The next step is to decide on what your relationship needs from you. Do you want to go out and learn how to be together in different relationships? Or is it enough to get the intimacy, trust, honesty, and honesty back? If this is a serious thing for both of you, then you can talk about how to make this more meaningful. There is also the option to call it off if things are not really moving forwards. But the fact that it scares you means that you want to move on to the next step. I would suggest that you get an experienced counsellor who can help you on this path. You can read this and watch a lot of videos to understand the process of getting over a fear or phobia. You can Google it to find many good videos. What you need to keep in mind is the fact that you felt the fear when you felt the desire for intimacy. So that's what you will need to focus on. I hope you find the above helpful. I wish you all the best. I am here if you want to talk about any of this. A: I had heard and he confirmed that he had never had a serious relationship in the past and that my friendship was important to him. When I told him I was ready to do this, that I didn't want a relationship but just what we had started to have together, he said that he wanted that too, just without the commitment. In talking with him after that we both agreed that we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives and that it was our goal to do so. Then one day we decided to spend the day together as the two of us only. We got a room in a hotel close to where he worked. We ended up going to bed in that room that night. Nothing sexual was planned but I ended up in a position where I felt he was going to have sex with me. I was extremely uncomfortable. It ended up being extremely awkward. I didn't know what to do. We didn't talk the rest of the night but the next morning we each said we were ok with what happened and went about our day. When we got back to his house he pulled me aside and said "Thank you, that was a great memory. We've been there and back a few times in the past few years and that one was great. I never really liked sex before that one." It was a great day but it scared me. I told him how uncomfortable I was and how I really needed to sort some things out in my head. He said that he had been trying to figure those things out for himself and was finally feeling more comfortable with himself and wanted to have sex again. He said he really loved me and he just wanted to be with me. He said he felt his family did not understand him at all and that it had taken him his whole life to feel ok with himself and that it was important to him to share that with me. I don't know if he thinks that since we had that amazing time together that I want to continue this and be his girlfriend or if I should tell him that I don't feel comfortable having sex with him. How can I make a decision about if I want to be with this guy and continue our relationship or tell him that we need to stop. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I hope you can help me. As I read this, my immediate instinct was to say I would be concerned about anyone who had sex and felt comfortable in a situation that you describe and that if you felt that way, the relationship would be doomed, but then I read your third paragraph: You also created a bond of mutual trust. Neither of you felt manipulated and you both went through the experience. Which suggests that you had enough trust in your relationship to get past the fear and try to make a connection, and it worked. I would also be worried about doing that on your own (it's easier to avoid if you don't have a commitment) and I would think that to some extent, once you do that and get past the fear, you are then a little more vulnerable to not letting your fear subside. I also suggest that any decision to do that and make a commitment would take some time, so if you are feeling it was a mistake now, I suggest that you start dating for a while, get to know each other, and if it's really not working out, or you change your mind, then move away from making a commitment. In that sense, what you describe is just part of dating, for everyone. I think that the question about whether you still loved him was probably the most crucial thing. I would be worried if he was pressuring you for sex