This Tribe Will Self-Destruct in 5, 4, 3... Shelley's poem sounds rather like a movie trailer. It should. It's a perfect example of what the internet does to the imagination. "One fine day, I'll be gone, won't miss me when I'm gone." It's the "I love you so much, I'm never going to let you go" trope writ large on a geological scale. It's about as deep as a puddle, but it's oh so much fun to imagine a couple years from now, seeing our friends and strangers saying, "I thought she/he was supposed to stay forever, now this!" At a more mundane level, Shelley's "I love you so much I won't even give you a goodbye" may or may not be the secret motive behind every breakup you've ever witnessed. The internet loves to say "I love you" and "it's only until I have something better to do." And in the end, it's "I love you so much I will leave you in the most heart-rending way possible, without warning or explanation." It's just plain bad news. When you love someone that much, you want to be around when they die and bury them for eternity. Let's look at a couple of my favorites: The most recent one that brings us this piece involves the great, great daughter of our dear old pal Tom King, who wrote an excellent memoir called The Outsiders and a lot of other things. "Hey I love you, but I hate you so much I'm gonna kill you." When she wrote that, she didn't know yet how it would work out, but it turned out to be pretty perfect. I was reminded of another piece that I saw, a series of very sad tweets that were in response to a woman who posted a photo of her and her dad just as they were saying goodbye. Somewhere in there was a piece of advice from the late writer and blogger, Mark Oppenheimer: "When it's time for you to say goodbye, it's better to say something instead of nothing at all." To be honest, the best piece of relationship advice I ever received was "it's only for five years." Of course, the same can be said for "It's only for love." But they're equally profound when you consider that they're often wrong. To be human, we often feel better when the pain is brief. So yes, breakups are hard to take. Even when we know they will be temporary, the truth is that we don't. We think that, even though we won't miss them, their absence will leave a permanent gap that will make us sad all the time. It feels like part of our bodies have been separated from us and as a result, we won't ever stop mourning their loss, no matter how much time passes. But even if we don't understand that grief, we all know how to say goodbye. We can do it quickly or slowly and with a sense of humor, but the important part is to say goodbye. Afterword: "I used to be a lot more religious. As time passes, I get less convinced by each day." I'm sad that T.S. Eliot didn't live to see the end of the internet, and I'm glad that his words inspired this tribute. (It's a good thing I found these comments a few years ago, because at the time, I just had to think about them for a few hours before knowing what to say. If you know the internet as well as I do, you know that sometimes a moment of silence can be the answer to "how do you feel about that?") What is your favorite piece of relationship advice? I read that thing about how it doesn't have to be a big dramatic ending either. Like, once you're dating, you're not supposed to freak out when one of them doesn't show up at the planned location. And the other thing is that if one person starts backing away or they become a little distant, you should do the same or you have to keep looking and looking to find out if they're just testing your loyalty. One of the best pieces of advice I ever received is from a fellow writer I worked with years ago. He had seen it in action many times and said: 'Never assume that your partner's intentions are less honorable than yours.' If you've been around and seen it work out in the past, assume it's worth your time to give it another go. A wise move, indeed. I've always admired writers. In particular, I think writing is a good way of keeping your sanity and staying "human" during those long, lonely hours of solitude. I know there are no happy endings for those who have to face the truth of T.S. Eliot's words. But for others who don't have to, or don't want to acknowledge them, it's easy to find the silver lining in every situation. Or, when they're not quite easy, it's easy to pretend that they're just fine. "The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is now." - Martin Luther King In keeping with that excellent quote, there's this interesting thing about how long ago things seem to happen. In my case, there's a couple of things. 1. If a person said to me, "Can you remember where you were on September 12th, 2001?" I'd say that I can. At the time, it seemed like something that happened a very long time ago. (When I was just a kid, I was reminded of the Cuban Missile Crisis by my dad, a young man back then. It seemed like ancient history.) 2. When I was a kid, we went to an amusement park and watched a fun fair-type show that was all about the future, called "Our Future," which ended with my dad asking us kids to name all the states that he was going to visit and the ones that we would see on TV. For my dad, those days were only a short time ago, and he was a little boy back then. I don't know if that makes it seem closer or farther away. In a very strange way, it seems like I'm closer to my dad and closer to him than he is to me. We were all much younger at one point, and we're all pretty close to that stage in our lives, even though we're all in different stages now. My dad has been gone for twenty years, now. I'm not saying I'm anywhere near his level of closeness with him, but the thought of him makes me feel pretty good. To be honest, it makes me feel kind of like a better person. Which is pretty weird. That was the last time I felt this way, which I think is very appropriate, given that he's gone and that the things that I thought mattered a lot when I was a kid no longer seem to matter. I'm sure the idea of being closer to your dad in old age really is quite common. What's more interesting to me is what has changed about me since then, because I'm not the same person I was then. I wonder if my life would have been the same or different if my dad hadn't been so close. As it turned out, he was always by my side, just a little bit closer than he was to others. I wish that all children had