Outraged, she asked him, "What if I said to you that my husband has been having sex with someone other than me?" He quickly replied, "What you should have said was, 'I don't think that's a good thing.'" She was flabbergasted. Her husband had slept with another woman? And this was her husband's view on it? I told her, "I agree completely with his response. Tell me, what should the woman have done? What should the husband have done? I really want you to tell me." For the next several minutes they talked through both their responses. It was very enlightening. The wife realized that the husband's actions were in alignment with the principles of kashrut. When the husband came home and found out what had happened, he too was upset. "What if I told him what you told me? 'I think it's a good thing that you're sleeping with another woman?'" Again, the principle of keeping kashrut in mind: _The husband and wife have no right to know what the other is doing._ There was one other thing that should be said on the topic of sex. A beautiful phenomenon occurs when a husband and wife have the opportunity to be free to do anything they want and think that they can get away with. This is the secret of real happiness. As long as they remain faithful to each other, there is no reason to worry. The important thing is for them to be free in their relationship. It's a lovely state that can be maintained. It is never as free as one would imagine when they start out. The day before, I had asked the bride and groom if they could be separated for an hour. Both responded positively. "Good, then I'm going to leave you alone for fifteen minutes and observe your behavior. Will you be able to do without me?" I said. We made a little deal. I would be in the room next door, and if I heard them at any point during the next hour, I would barge in. First thing was to get out of their clothes. We both undressed together. "What do you think?" asked the groom. "There's a question," she replied. "Let's see what happens when we don't see each other for a while. There's no rule that says that you have to have sex with each other all the time. Let's give it a try for an hour, and if we don't see each other, it means we can be separated." She slipped out of her underwear and then put on a pair of glasses, which I took to mean that they would be having sex, even though there was no chance that they were wearing them in order to see each other better. After about fifteen minutes, they asked me to come in. I walked into the room and saw her with her face buried in the flowers of her dress. Then I noticed that the groom had taken off all his clothes and was putting on a condom. I thought, _How great! It's the ultimate test. They're really free, and they can't wait to be parted and do their own thing._ The next day was the ceremony, and afterward, a few of us went out to a bar in order to toast the bride and groom. The groom was a lawyer, and we asked him a few questions to test him. In addition to being a clever lawyer, he was very funny. When asked if he was willing to make jokes about subjects that would shock the bride, he said that he didn't think so. A woman asked if he'd ever been with another woman during the time that she and he were separated. "Not at all," he replied. As the questions continued, he denied that they were really going out of their way to behave with each other, even though they were now married. They were together. But she knew that there were times when they would not be. "We are still friends with each other," she said. "You're her best friend." Suddenly, the door to the room flew open, and the bride ran in, furious. The groom's girlfriend followed closely behind her. I was shocked. It was my favorite moment at the wedding. It was a beautiful example of "What goes around comes around." The groom was an absolute idiot. The bride had tried to do this once before, but the husband had refused to consider it. This time he was just too stupid to notice. I don't think I've ever seen someone so red and so angry. He came over and said something to her, and she responded by saying, "I just can't believe you would do this!" What we have here is a woman who is a victim. She is trying to be very, very patient, but it is clear that she is getting more and more upset. It's not going to be as easy to stay calm as she thought it would be. The groom looked dumbfounded. It was a great moment to see a man who thought he had found a great friend now learn that it was all an act. The anger boiled over. He turned on the woman. He said, "How could you do this? This was not supposed to happen to us." The woman didn't say a word. It was very, very interesting to see her stand there, expressionless, without saying a single thing. She is very angry but not saying a word. She has lost all hope. She realizes there is nothing she can say or do, so she just looks at him and stares at him with a blank expression. _Why don't they ever think that the person standing there looking at them can be in a much more powerful position than they can ever be?_ A few minutes later, the groom realized what he had done and came to apologize. "I'm so sorry that happened. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that." He felt guilty. He was sorry for his own behavior. I asked him if he had ever had sex with this woman. "Yes," he said. "And what if the wife were to walk in right now?" I asked. "How would you feel?" He knew exactly how it was going to feel, but he didn't want to say anything. "Very disappointed," he admitted. I said, "It's sad that you would feel that way when you were looking to find a partner to spend the rest of your life with and raise a family with, but it is sad that this woman is not the person who is supposed to spend her life with you." "You know what?" he said. "You're right. I wish you had been the one who walked in right then." He had gone through this process himself and, in doing so, made it more difficult for her. It was like he had put a Band-Aid over his wound. Now it was her turn to deal with her own pain. He had created it for her. She could see that he didn't care, and she felt that he never really cared about her in the first place. The groom was embarrassed and angry and wanted to yell. He wanted to say that she was the one who was playing the games and that he was just a nice guy who got taken advantage of. But when the moment came, he realized that he had to be the one to say sorry. That is what is needed here, but sometimes women expect a man to be more aggressive, and then they are disappointed when that doesn't happen. "I did feel bad," he admitted. "You're probably feeling angry now because I yelled at you, but I did do that on purpose. It was good for her to feel that she couldn't get away with it." I was proud of him. I really was. It would have been easy for him to say what she wanted to hear and not what he knew to be true. He had to keep it real. I said, "You were thinking it was okay for him to go and have sex with another woman when they were engaged to be married." "Yes, you're right," he agreed. "I did think that it was okay. He's going to have other people come over. We have so many relatives in town, and we are going to have a party. I told him that we can't have sex, but I don't think that we should make a big deal out of it either. Why should we avoid everyone else? I want to be with him." I told him, "You're going to have a baby at the end of a year, and that baby is going to think, _He's Daddy._ The baby is going to say, _Oh, well, they're married._ What are you teaching the child? You're teaching it that, if a woman is not a virgin when she gets married, it's okay to do what you just did. The child will think it's okay to do that. What do you think that is going to do to his concept of the relationship? And what are you teaching the person you're dating? If this is what you're doing, what do you expect? "For the next year and a half, you've got to put the brakes on. You have to keep yourself from going out with this woman who feels that she can have sex with someone else and it's okay. You're doing this to her so that she can feel okay about it." The husband is an idiot.