The First 27 Days of My Life as a New Mom! In his final year of law school, Javier was taking classes with friends who had children already. As his good friends worked hard, going to law school and practicing, Javier often thought about having his own kids, and how much fun it would be to take care of them every day. Fast forward through a few years of marriage and two busy work lives, and Javier was beginning to get the itch to have his own family. But there were two things he had never done before…had kids and bought a home! As Javier would later tell me, “I figured, I can’t do anything else until I do those two things. It was a very big deal. It was something I’d been putting off since my 20s. I was 34 years old when I made the decision to have a baby, and 34 when I finally bought a house. It was something that I really needed to do before I knew for sure that I was ready to be a parent. You’re never ready, but you’ve got to do these things.” Javier and Karla’s first son, Eli, was born in March of 2011. And once again, Javier was learning the ins and outs of baby care like a pro! His son was so tiny that Javier could hold him all day long, and he would have him most nights. His house was on the market (in fact, he bought it while I was still living in it, so I was the real estate agent!), and he didn’t have enough time in his day to care for his family and his house. There was no time to do all that he wanted to do for his family. Javier was a bit overwhelmed, to say the least. He decided to work from home, so he could be available when his children needed him. They would spend as much time at his office as they could. He worked seven days a week, and he often didn’t get home until 10:00pm. When his wife Karla was at work she worked six days a week, often working 16 hour days. Karla says, “It was basically a full time job taking care of the children all day, and our home, and me working at home.” So, when I first met Javier, his primary responsibility was working two jobs, his home needed tons of repairs, and he was a full time dad to his baby boy. How could this marriage survive? The Secret to a Marriage Is a Good Life “I have to believe that we did all those things in a spirit of adventure. It wasn’t easy, but because we were doing it together, it became the basis for a really good life,” Javier says. Javier has since learned that his marriage was the real foundation for their family. Even if they hadn’t found love in their first year of marriage, they found it in their commitment to each other. One of the best examples of this that I can think of is when Javier and Karla invited another married couple over to their house to see how they lived. While the man had a great job and an expensive car, the husband was overweight and didn’t take care of himself. Javier said, “You couldn’t tell that he had kids. When you went in the room with them, he would put his feet up on the table. It was gross.” His wife, Karla, didn’t really like the food she cooked in the kitchen, and the bathroom was a disaster because Karla never cleaned it. So how did these people have the same kind of marriage as they did? Karla told Javier, “It’s because of the lifestyle you and I have chosen to live.” Karla told her husband the same thing. “I told Javier, the way we chose to live is the reason you and I have a happy marriage. It’s because we chose to live a life of adventure.” Javier and Karla’s Marriage Is Better Than You’d Think Karla says that the fact that Javier and his wife live such a good life for themselves is a big part of why their marriage has held up. “I think that people get jealous of us. They look at us and think, ‘He could have this, and I could have that, and he has this life.’ They think, ‘If we did that we could have this, too. We could be that.’ And I don’t think that’s necessarily the case. When you’re living a great marriage like we have, people are like, ‘This must be easy! They must have perfect kids. They must be doing what I think we’re doing. It must be something I’m not doing.’ It’s not like that. Our marriage is unique. We have some of the hardest times. You can look at me and think, ‘How can I possibly be more exhausted? You’re sleep deprived and stressed out and hungry. I could never do what you do.’” There have been times when it was hard. The last couple of years have been hard for everyone. But Javier tells me, “If our marriage were that bad, it probably wouldn’t still exist.” The Secret to Marriage Is to Always Have Fun On top of being a great husband, Javier’s the best dad on earth. I’m not just saying that because I was once his nanny, I’m saying it because it’s true. He always comes home with a big smile on his face and the kids are at his feet. I had heard some of his coworkers say things about him being too nice and that they never heard him say a bad word to anyone, but I never saw that from him at all. He has always been very easy-going, but in his house the kids are the boss and they tell him what to do. Karla and Javier didn’t do everything as a couple on their own, and they didn’t do everything as individuals. Karla says, “In order to be successful you need to be a team. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a sports team, or whether it’s our marriage, the team needs to function as one. We have to function as one to survive.” When I asked Javier if I could see the other pictures of him on the walls of his office, he said, “There’s a picture of me with my kids in the office. I like it there.” And he was proud. He thought of his office as home away from home. So his office is no different from his home. He knows he’s always at home when he’s there. And I hope all you men out there can say the same thing. Your home is also your office. It’s your home away from home. When you see your family you should know that you’re in a great place because that’s home. You’re at home. A lot of people would have considered putting their home on the market after having a baby. But not Javier. He loves his home and doesn’t want to move. Javier said, “I have some very strong values about owning property in an area where I live, and I want to own property here. I’d be really hard-pressed to sell this house. It’s one of my favorite things in the world, and I love it. If I sell it, I don’t know if I can live in it anymore because I love it so much. It was hard work to get it back to where it was, and I’m never going to part with that.” Javier’s not just a nice guy. He’s a smart guy. He’s funny. He’s real. He’s one of the most special men I’ve ever met, and it was an honor to spend time with him and his family and friends. He was one of the first family men that I’ve ever had the privilege to get to know. And now he’s one of the last. Javier’s gone too soon. He didn’t get to live to see the success of his business, and he didn’t get to see Eli graduate high school. Javier was too young to get married. He was too young to have a child. But I can’t help but think how many children would have his name because of his commitment to being a husband and a father. That’s what he did for me. And I can’t think of a better gift to give your child than to give them a dad like Javier.